To think this is the normal pressure of life or am I approaching burnout?

[Hop27]

Basically as the title says, is this normal pressure / family life. I'm honestly not sure if I can keep this up a minute longer.
Senior role, highly pressured environment, 2 hour commute, expected to be in the office 8-5:30 basic daily. Work across 5 time zones, currently rushing home to get to a 7am uk call, which I'm late for.
DSS has moved in with us, DH is trying to
Juggle similar role whilst getting DSS to and from school / sports over an hour away (return) daily.
We have family staying with us, big post COVID holiday which I've wanted so much being trapped overseas but I'm struggling with trying to keep on top of the house, meals, entertaining. I get really stressed if my house isn't show home tidy, especially with guests.
The only thing that is keeping me vaguely sane is my daily trip to the gym, but even that seems to be a huge effort (it generates a lot of laundry) and I'm struggling to operate and my usual fitness / strength levels. I nearly threw up on Wednesday from pushing myself.
I can feel myself pulling away socially, I feel
constantly exhausted, on the brink of tears and like I'm the most disorganised person on the planet.
I honestly just want to hide under the bed for all eternity, is this normal life or have I just got myself completely overwhelmed or is it bigger than that and need to see the GP (again).

Your life is too busy at the mo, that's all. Tbh the job and commute alone would be too much for me without everything else. And I would never have houseguests on days when I'm working ft. When do your visitors leave?

Yes it's overwhelm and burn out. Your GP can't do anything to help that and will no doubt just stick you on anti depressants which will only mask the issues. I'd sit down with your DH and explain how you are not coping and start to look seriously at how you live your life so you can make small changes to improve things (e.g. cleaner, batch cooking, Gusto box etc). I also suggest you read Adrenal Fatigue by J.Wilson. And stop pushing yourself in the gym as this puts more strain on an already strained system. Think yoga, walking, stretch and tone sessions rather than hiit for example.

I would say you need to really find time for yourself. It just isn’t worth it. Life is so short notwithstanding the fact our health is the most important thing above everything else. Just remember your employer wouldn’t give a shit if you fell ill or your family was affected

look after yourself !

YOu have got too much on and it is unsustainable

I have a 2 hour commute which I do once per week. Daily must be exhausting.

Definitely heading for complete burnout you are simply doing too much. Having experienced something similar I had to give up work, didn't work again for 6 months still haven't completely recovered I just can't deal with stress so something has to give to accommodate something else, life is slower pace with less money but much much better as we get older we simply can't burn the candle at both ends. If the job is most important other stuff needs to go, also downsize expectations at home. Good luck but you need a proper break now not in a few months that might be too late.

It's quite an extreme level of activity to keep up daily. You could see your GP, but more importantly need to make some changes to your life. Can you reduce your commute/wfh some days, adapt your hours so you work more flexibility to cover different time zones but aren't working++hours daily, drop some gym trips and catch up on some rest instead, take some annual leave?

This sounds like plain too much to do. Does this life normally make you happy? I mean it sounds horrific to me...

You're doing too much.

I don't know if there's any point seeing the GP because what you need is changes to your lifestyle, not antidepressants or therapy (at least it doesn't sound like they would help much from your post).

This is not a normal amount of things for one person to be doing. You need to look at what you can cut back on, and there will be things, you just need to put your wellbeing first and insist on it.

A 2 hour commute each way is ridiculous. So you’re out of the house 6:00-7:30 each day for work plus trying to fit in a daily gym session (presumably of at least an hour?). No wonder you feel burnt out trying to keep on top of the house, meals and entertaining. Why on earth would you invite guests to the house whilst working full time? You need to take some annual leave!

I'd look for another job. I worked FT like that for short periods when DDs were small but couldn't sustain it for long as I could feel my mental and physical health deteriorating. Some jobs just ask way too much of you. People do keep on like that all their working lives and some have little choice, but if you have a choice, don't do it to yourself.

The fact you can't sustain your usual exercise is a sign that your body is under too much stress. Though I also would say as we get older (into my mid-late 30s onwards I found this) I'd say some exercise needs to be restorative rather than about conditioning, fitness or burning calories. Yoga for me is much more than exercise.

That’s a lot to deal with!

Your guests are temporary & it sounds like you set high standards for yourself hosting, how much longer are they staying and can you get them to help out?

Explain what you’ve said here ; they are family so I’d hope they would understand and be happy to make adjustments to help you out (I understand not all families are easy, though!).

It sounds like your normal life is also extremely busy. Is the commute daily and is it 2h each way or total? This is important - a daily commute of 2hrs each way is equivalent to another (standard) 0.5 FTE, but even 1hr each way is is another 25% on top of your working day. Can that be cut down?

I have a role where I deal with different time zones but it’s much more manageable with WFH several days a week and I find that I can do huge amounts of stuff whilst boiling the kettle E.g. put loads of washing on, unload dishwasher, clean down kitchen worktop, set off robovac. I also switch off my camera on whole org calls (which are generally for information only) and fold laundry, which I can then run around putting in the correct drawers next time I boil the kettle.

Between me and DH doing these kinds of things (both work partly from home) we are much more on top of things - plus the lack of commute is an instant win (I do c. 90 min each way twice a week instead of 5x - instant saving of 9-10 hrs).

Other than that:

Can you get a cleaner (or more time from one) & ask for help with laundry?

Can DSS help out (I don’t think you mentioned his age)?

Can you move closer to work if no WFH option?

Can you afford to drop to 0.8FTE?

Not normal pressures of life. All you can do is aim for a balance that suits you and it doesn't sound like you have that at the moment.

Your life sounds dreadful to me!
Having to leave the house at 6am every day - do you really need/want the job that much?
Family there for holiday but you're at work - why didn't you take some leave to hang out with them?
Needing a show home level of house cleanliness is a bit odd - a family lives there.

What do you want from life? What does your partner want? What are you getting from the job & 'show home'?

I'm presuming you've got a fair bit of cash from a job like that - maybe you could use it to make a change or something.

You're doing too much. I'm a GP and if you came to me I can't think of anything else I'd say really. If you wanted antidepressants I'd prescribe them to you, but with the advice that they'd probably not help at all because ultimately you need to halve what you're doing.

Good grief I think I’d collapse and die trying to do all that. Can you work from home? Drop a day a week? Get a cleaner? Sounds horrendous and no wonder you’re exhausted

You have waaaay too much going on. I'm happiest when busy and bouncing about between things like a pinball, but your post made me feel stressed imagining your life. The feeling I get from your post reminds me of when I burnt out a few years ago. There's no fat at all to trim if something needs a bit more time or effort than usual, and that's without taking the house guests into account.
I agree with a PP that I'd never have guests unless I was on leave. Hosting to even a basic standard is impossible when you're out of the house for so many hours. How much longer are they with you for? Can you cut this shorter? (ie suggest they have a nice city break somewhere nearby for a few days' exploring?)
You can't both work FT with long commutes, keep an immaculate (or even a regularly tidy) house, eat well, and put enough into a DCs needs without outsourcing quite a bit IMO. Add in the time needed to go to the gym, and it most definitely is a recipe for burnout. What happens if you need to take the car in for new tyres? Or need a hair cut? Where do you fit it in?
You need to outsource what you can, and I would be looking for a new job that eases the load a bit, be that generally in terms of stress or closer to home.

In the kindest way possible - what are you doing this for?

I read a really interesting book about how to use time, it basically pointed out you get one life and you have to use that time in a way that makes you feel good.

Your life sounds very unenjoyable and stressful.

Your office hours and commute seem pretty normal to me, normal for most people throughout my professional career anyway. But you are packing too much other stuff around it, you don’t need to go to the gym every day, you don’t need to have a show home, you should have taken some leave if you have visitors.

The commute alone would stress me to high heavens.

OP I did exactly the same but with two DD's and husband away mid week....only thing different was no gym as I was constantly on the move anyway. Can you drop or reduce that? If not I think your body may well drop you at some point....be careful.

I don’t know what @Aprilx works in, but spending four hours commuting on top of a 9.5 hour work day, 5 days a week really isn’t normal, because most people would find it too miserable and find some way to change it. That might be a different job, moving house, WFH some days.

As @LetThemEatTurnips says, you literally only get one life, is this how you want to spend it? I have a feeling the book is ‘Four Thousand Weeks’. It’s very good.

What does a 2 hour commute mean?
2 hours each way: madness.
1 hour each way: not unusual.

You definitely have a busy job, but I think you’re bringing a lot of the stress on yourself.

Like this:

“I get really stressed if my house isn't show home tidy, especially”

Your stress is so bad that you’re headed to the GP, instead of therapy to deal with that?

Stressed because going to the gym creates a lot of laundry?

Your job sounds like it would be well paid, and in any case gym wear isn’t expensive. Putting 7 t shirts, 7 shorts and and 7 pairs off socks into a washing machine once a week isn’t even a full load. Stress of that is attitude more than reality.

You’re not coping so definitely see the GP, but the GP can’t change your life for you. I would look for therapy to change the way you approach some things, and look at where the money from two working adults can lighten the load - cleaner, laundry sent out, part time nanny to do these sports club runs. Look at a proper overhaul - like why you have to commute so far.

It looks to me that your job is more than average pressure but still within the bounds of normal - and a lot of the other problems are choices.

I have a senior role and I'm a lone parent. My life is extremely busy.

What I will say to you though is something has to give.

You need to think about what can change because your life actually sounds chaotic.

I don’t think a 4 hour commute is sustainable personally. Can you get a local job or negotiate some wfh days?