To think this is the normal pressure of life or am I approaching burnout?

[Hop27]

Basically as the title says, is this normal pressure / family life. I'm honestly not sure if I can keep this up a minute longer.
Senior role, highly pressured environment, 2 hour commute, expected to be in the office 8-5:30 basic daily. Work across 5 time zones, currently rushing home to get to a 7am uk call, which I'm late for.
DSS has moved in with us, DH is trying to
Juggle similar role whilst getting DSS to and from school / sports over an hour away (return) daily.
We have family staying with us, big post COVID holiday which I've wanted so much being trapped overseas but I'm struggling with trying to keep on top of the house, meals, entertaining. I get really stressed if my house isn't show home tidy, especially with guests.
The only thing that is keeping me vaguely sane is my daily trip to the gym, but even that seems to be a huge effort (it generates a lot of laundry) and I'm struggling to operate and my usual fitness / strength levels. I nearly threw up on Wednesday from pushing myself.
I can feel myself pulling away socially, I feel
constantly exhausted, on the brink of tears and like I'm the most disorganised person on the planet.
I honestly just want to hide under the bed for all eternity, is this normal life or have I just got myself completely overwhelmed or is it bigger than that and need to see the GP (again).

Bless you. You're overloaded. I would really think through my priorities as a person then as a couple and talk through what's going to give here. It mustn't be your wellbeing any longer.

you do not need to go to the gym 5-7 times a week, 3 weeknights and a walk in the fresh air with DH to relax at weekend is exercise enough, you need to get sleeep and you need to lower standards not to slovenly but no-one needs to live in a show home, who are you trying to impress and your visitors should be helping around house too and getting food or ordering it in
you need therapy it is not normal neither is it a failure, it is a false idea that women can do it all ( or men for that matter but they are less likely to try) I have never heard of a man working 13+ hours a day and a gym session come home and do anything apart from chuck something in microwave or read kid a story they certainly wouldn't be doing laundry and housework, they would either get a cleaner or leave it till weekend.
your mental health will also suffer because your physical health will not be good doing that much; too much work, not enough rest and sleep, we all need to recharge our batteries and sleep and relaxation is part of that

So you commute 4 hours, work almost 10, then you have an hour at the gym. that's 15 hrs leaving you with only 9 hours to sleep and do everything else. Just from a general time calculation perspective that sounds unsustainable.

I don’t think that’s clearly the case. 08:00-17:30 is longer than OP’s country’s standard working week - but just as in the U.K., some senior roles expect more hours, but the progression opportunities and pay are a fair exchange.

In my role, I also work across time zones. It’s not unusual for someone who has had Japan and USA calls on the same day to take a few hours off the next morning. Usually it’s not so immediate - more like an unofficial “banking” and no-one bats an eyelid when you leave early on any random day.

We don’t know that OP’s employer isn’t the same. What we do know, is that OP says she has imposter syndrome and is also choosing to immerse herself in her work for personal reasons too.

I work with people like this, where it isn’t driven by the company. In my team, I watch for it and stop it.

Whether it’s coming from the company expectations or OP is important. If it’s the latter, no point in saying she should change jobs - she will take herself with her.

All the companies who I know you want this level of flexibility don’t insist on set hours in a physical office too. They all allow for some element of homeworking. If they allowed OP to do 2 days a week she would gain 4 hours.

@Marchforward are you in the U.K. like me? OP isn’t. Some companies want their staff present for a good reason. Some don’t, but we have no idea what OP does other than “corporate”. Two days WFH doesn’t suit all roles. It is not the fault of the company that she took a job with an hour commute.
It may well be that the company is inflexible for no good business reason. But OP has specifically said that she has let work consume her as a coping mechanism. That’s why I think the best fix here is to look at her own choices. No point in switching to WFH if you’re just going to use your 2 saved hours to work 15 hours instead of 13.

No point seeing the GP you're not sick. You're just too busy. Once the guests are gone look at what can change. You may need to change jobs, DSS may need to change schools etc.

I’m not here for arguments. I’m just suggesting it’s time for the OP to think about how she wants her life to be.

I didn’t realise it was an argument 🤣

Well what do you think sustainable looks like?

I know this is a strange response OP but get your thyroid levels tested and if sub clinical get further tests. I felt like you and transpired that was out of whack. Many things fell into place when treated including being able to pace my activities. Hope that helps!

I'm in fact wondering if you're my sister and want to give you a big hug. I don't think you are but I can't see why you are punishing yourself this much.

It sounds as if you are holding back doors behind which you are afraid is a black wall of water. If you move an inch or trust anyone else to hold the doors for you, the water will crash through and you will drown.

Are you afraid that if you have any downtime you will be back at A&E?

Why couldn't you let your GP refer you to a psychologist? Do you have to find one yourself?

Yes I think you should do all the practical things- wfh if you can, get a twice-weekly cleaner who does laundry, keep exercising, see your GP. Basically get some other people to help you hold those doors. But with the eventual goal of letting the doors open, sitting down and seeing what level the water reaches.

OP, you need to dial it all back. I cope by:

WFH 2 days a week - the rest of the time, the flat looks ok to just freshly robbed in terms of standards. I do housework when I have my lunchtime or before work.
Dirty clothes go straight in the washing machine, which I put on to wash when full - often on timer so it's ready when I get home.
Robot vacuum - daily.
Breakfast is a protein shake.
Exercise is definitely not every day.
Etc. You are pushing yourself too hard.

Family staying need to open their eyes and get themselves home, how ignorant relatives or not putting more pressure on you with a schedule they simply must be aware of.
Say it in nice calm way your burning out slip in you might have noticed and ask them to pack prior to your day off so you can get a rest.
If your health completely crashes your job will not take financial care of you for long.
Change things before things change for you .
Take care of yourself and see GP as well as work out what committments you can reduce.