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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who would you believe here?

71 replies

Divisio · 01/03/2023 20:49

At Christmas 3 years ago my DH came into our bedroom when I was staying with my parents and said my sister (also staying with my parents) had just ambushed him asking him questions and making comments about an aspect of my life. I was really hurt by it at the time and since but didn’t feel comfortable raising it with her.

Now, three years later, it became relevant in a conversation with my sister and I pointed out to her that she was being a hypocrite because she had ambushed DH.

She has responded categorically denying that it happened. DH is adamant that it did happen. I usually have a good relationship with both of them and they usually get on well. Neither have any previous issues with lying or inventing things.

OP posts:
Starseeed · 01/03/2023 20:51

You haven’t given enough details to be able to work out what might be driving each of them.

AloudAlot · 01/03/2023 20:52

Was alcohol involved? Maybe she had wonder about whatever it was for a while, asked DH but then realised she shouldn’t have said it so is now denying it? He’d have no reason to make it up but she would have every reason to deny it.

TomatoSandwiches · 01/03/2023 20:52

What was the aspect of your life your husband said she raised?

MrsBunnyEars · 01/03/2023 20:53

I’d suspect that neither are lying, both saw it differently.

She thought she asked a throwaway question and (understandably) has forgotten the details, he felt ambushed.

EmpressOfTheSofa · 01/03/2023 20:53

Huh?

Turnipworkharder · 01/03/2023 20:57

I'd ask myself why would your husband have a reason to lie about it.

journeyofinsanity · 01/03/2023 21:02

Too vague. No idea what you are talking about

TomatoSandwiches · 01/03/2023 21:03

MrsBunnyEars · 01/03/2023 20:53

I’d suspect that neither are lying, both saw it differently.

She thought she asked a throwaway question and (understandably) has forgotten the details, he felt ambushed.

This.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 01/03/2023 21:05

I agree that neither are lying, but your dh was probably exaggerating. Your dsis said something that your dh took personally.

soleilblue · 01/03/2023 21:06

MrsBunnyEars · 01/03/2023 20:53

I’d suspect that neither are lying, both saw it differently.

She thought she asked a throwaway question and (understandably) has forgotten the details, he felt ambushed.

This

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 01/03/2023 21:07

I doubt either is lying. I would believe my sister if she said she couldn't remember something she had said 3 years ago. It was obviously more important to your husband than it was to her.

WeWereInParis · 01/03/2023 21:09

From the details you've given, I guess your sister has more reason to lie (you were accusing her of being a hypocrite) whereas it doesn't sound like your DH gained anything from what he said?

But really there are so many nuances it's not possible for anyone to say who is telling the truth. And she may just genuinely not remember, or remember it differently.

Circumferences · 01/03/2023 21:09

It's highly unlikely your DH made it up, that your sister asked him some questions.

Your sister probably just can't remember asking.

It was, what, Three whole years ago!

Littleflowerseverywhere · 01/03/2023 21:10

Um what now, your wording is so dramatic, she ambushed him, I’m guessing it’s how they both see it. Ambush is major, you sure she didn’t just ask some questions about your welfare ?

Original poster
Divisio · 01/03/2023 21:11

The issue was my weight. I’m 64kg, my sister is around 50kg (same height).

No alcohol involved, no reason I can see for either to lie. DH says the conversation lasted at least five minutes, multiple questions about my weight, exercise levels, types of exercise, my diet…

There was another person present according to DH but they have memory problems and black outs so are saying they have no idea but that, based on other things they do know and remember, it’s feasible it could’ve happened.

OP posts:
EscapeRoomToTheSun · 01/03/2023 21:12

Who has reason to lie?

WhistleWhileIWork · 01/03/2023 21:13

Couldn't possibly give any real advice or opinion on this with such vague cryptic info, sorry.

WeWereInParis · 01/03/2023 21:13

Divisio · 01/03/2023 21:11

The issue was my weight. I’m 64kg, my sister is around 50kg (same height).

No alcohol involved, no reason I can see for either to lie. DH says the conversation lasted at least five minutes, multiple questions about my weight, exercise levels, types of exercise, my diet…

There was another person present according to DH but they have memory problems and black outs so are saying they have no idea but that, based on other things they do know and remember, it’s feasible it could’ve happened.

no reason I can see for either to lie.

Obviously it depends on the relationship you have with your sister, but I can see someone wanting to lie about asking those questions.

Changingplace · 01/03/2023 21:14

MrsBunnyEars · 01/03/2023 20:53

I’d suspect that neither are lying, both saw it differently.

She thought she asked a throwaway question and (understandably) has forgotten the details, he felt ambushed.

Completely agree, I imagine your sister just doesn’t remember, it was three years ago, why should she?

I probably don’t remember the minute details of all kinds of conversations from that long ago.

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 01/03/2023 21:15

I would believe DH. It would be very strange for him to make it up at the time and Dsis is trying to wriggle out of it as she has angered you.

WhistleWhileIWork · 01/03/2023 21:16

So your sister was interrogating your DH about your weight, but you didn't bring it up with herafter he told you. But now her weight is being questioned by someone, she doesn't like it and you've highlighted the hypocrisy of it, because she did it to you?

Is that right?

WeWereInParis · 01/03/2023 21:16

DH says the conversation lasted at least five minutes, multiple questions about my weight, exercise levels, types of exercise, my diet…

That's such an odd thing for someone to outright lie about, especially since presumably you could have gone straight to your sister and said "why are you asking these questions".

bellac11 · 01/03/2023 21:17

Thats not an ambush, she wasnt having a go by the sounds of it, she was asking some questions. Bit odd, but not an ambush

VladmirsPoutine · 01/03/2023 21:19

I'm wondering why it's become such a huge bone of contention especially if the issue is weight, I can sort of see whilst the questions are a bit much it wouldn't be the same if say the issue had been say a miscarriage or something in the region of termination or indeed even something generally more medical related.

Original poster
Divisio · 01/03/2023 21:21

To be clear, I haven’t said “ambush” to her but it is the word DH used. He went down to make tea when I was breastfeeding DS first thing in the morning and he says she and the other person were talking about my weight and then began trying to include him in the conversation, asking what I eat, whether I have a gym membership, whether he’s concerned etc.

OP posts:
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