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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who would you believe here?

71 replies

Divisio · 01/03/2023 20:49

At Christmas 3 years ago my DH came into our bedroom when I was staying with my parents and said my sister (also staying with my parents) had just ambushed him asking him questions and making comments about an aspect of my life. I was really hurt by it at the time and since but didn’t feel comfortable raising it with her.

Now, three years later, it became relevant in a conversation with my sister and I pointed out to her that she was being a hypocrite because she had ambushed DH.

She has responded categorically denying that it happened. DH is adamant that it did happen. I usually have a good relationship with both of them and they usually get on well. Neither have any previous issues with lying or inventing things.

OP posts:

Littlefaeries · 02/03/2023 07:04

Your dsis is denying because she knows she's in the wrong.
Your dh is a prat for telling you about the weight conversation when you'd just had a baby and should have told his dsil directly that she should mind her own business.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 02/03/2023 07:09

I don't think either is lying to be honest.
Your DS either forgets or she's feeling guilty about doing it.
Your DH was maybe sensitive to the conversation- I can totally understand someone making tea first thing in the morning and having someone ask 20 questions about someone close to them and about a potentially sensitive topic feeling like an 'ambush'.
However I don't think it's any good for you to hold onto this three years later. If there was a time to bring it up, it was then.

XanaduKira · 02/03/2023 07:11

Littlefaeries · 02/03/2023 07:04

I agree with this. I think your DH is telling the truth but why on earth did he tell you this in the first place?

Ketchupwee · 02/03/2023 07:12

I would believe your husband who told you at the time it happened, over your sister, who you are talking to 3 years later about a conversation that makes her look like a bit of a bitch.

Of course she 'doesn't remember' that conversation taking place, it doesn't suit her narrative

MichelleScarn · 02/03/2023 07:12

She didn’t respond to the first example and just denied that the second incident ever happened. She said it did not happen, she has no idea what I’m talking about and that she thinks it’s quite scary that I think it happened
The level of drama in her reply 'its quite scary makes me team DH also!

Divebar2021 · 02/03/2023 07:14

Why would you need to have a conversation with someone’s husband about his wife’s weight anyway. What was she hoping he would say “ yes she’s really piled it on and I’m finding her very unattractive at the moment” - your sister sounds like a bitch.

PoseyFlump · 02/03/2023 07:18

Exactly @Divebar2021 almost like she was fishing for compliments herself. #TeamDH.

Snoopinator · 02/03/2023 07:19

Do you love your sister? Do you care if you fall out with her? If so, get over yourself and move on. If not, don't use such a petty excuse to engineer the falling-out.

HaveYouSeenNancy · 02/03/2023 07:29

Your sister sounds as though she knows what's best for everybody. A 'written the book of life' type, even telling you how to relate to your sister in law. On that basis it sounds like the type of conversation she would have. I wouldn't do anything about it though, you don't need to make an issue of it, just accept that's who she is.

yodayoga1 · 02/03/2023 07:36

You have a good relationship with your sister but she's bitching about you 2 days after having a baby behind your back and then, when you bring up the other conversation, it's 'scary'. She sounds like a bitch.

FakeBilly · 02/03/2023 07:43

Emptycrackedcup · 02/03/2023 04:25

This. And its now three years later so no one will really remember what happened anyway

Show quote history

This seems perfectly likely.

Bunnyishotandcross · 02/03/2023 07:44

Is dsis jealous of you op?

MRex · 02/03/2023 07:49

Your DH was telling the truth. Your DSis enjoys talking you down either to your face or behind your back. I'd stop.giving the DSis too much headspace. If she comes out with more cheeky remarks "I didn't ask for and don't want your input, thanks."

Mumma212 · 02/03/2023 08:09

Divisio · 01/03/2023 22:31

I really don’t think I’m the only person who thinks it’s unkind to comment on someone’s weight, behind their back, to their DH when they’ve just had a baby (especially when they are actually in a health weight range for their height).

Absolutely agree it's not appropriate to discuss someone's weight in that way when they've just had a baby, not sure it would be ok any time to be honest.

But I think the issue is that you've waited 3 years to bring it up,
So now it is reasonable that your Dsis could have forgotten the whole conversation. If you'd have tackled it sooner she couldn't have just claimed not to remember, she'd have either had to fess up (and hopefully apologise) or she'd have had to accuse your DH of lying (which I'd hope she wouldn't do if it wasn't the truth).

I would wonder why your DH told you about it at all though?
I'm sure he knew it was going to be hurtful to you.
I think if this situation occurred my DP would shut the conversation down and put my Dsis in her place and leave it there.
I think he would chose not to run and tell me so to save my feelings at such an already emotional time.

IncompleteSenten · 02/03/2023 08:15

I'd believe your husband.
He told you at the time.
Three years later she may well not remember. Or she might not want to admit it.
She ignored the one you told her you heard but denied the one she knew you didn't hear.

Mamoun · 02/03/2023 11:49

How could we possibly know?

journeyofinsanity · 02/03/2023 12:33

Added to all of this, it doesn't sound like you were rude to SIL anyway and your Dsis is the only one alluding to the fact that you are. What's her problem?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 02/03/2023 12:51

So, unless you are both extremely short, it sound like you are a reasonable weight and it's possible that dsis is underweight? Is it possible she has some weight issue/body dismorphia/eating disorder herself, and is unaturally obsessed with the weight of other people?

If this rings bells, then I would 100% believe DH was telling the truth. BTW saying that 'it's scary' that you believe this incident happened sounds quite manipulative to me.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 02/03/2023 19:48

I've killed the thread! Please tell me I haven't.

PoseyFlump · 02/03/2023 20:11

You're the thread killer @SpongeBobJudgeyPants 😈😂

missmollygreen · 02/03/2023 20:14

3 Years ago? Highly likely your sister could have forgotten the conversation.

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