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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who would you believe here?

71 replies

Divisio · 01/03/2023 20:49

At Christmas 3 years ago my DH came into our bedroom when I was staying with my parents and said my sister (also staying with my parents) had just ambushed him asking him questions and making comments about an aspect of my life. I was really hurt by it at the time and since but didn’t feel comfortable raising it with her.

Now, three years later, it became relevant in a conversation with my sister and I pointed out to her that she was being a hypocrite because she had ambushed DH.

She has responded categorically denying that it happened. DH is adamant that it did happen. I usually have a good relationship with both of them and they usually get on well. Neither have any previous issues with lying or inventing things.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 01/03/2023 21:21

Posted too soon, do they have an otherwise amicable relationship or do they tolerate eachother for the sake of peace? Perhaps not in either extreme but their relationship should go some way to indicate if this fractious incident is part of a wider problem between the way they relate to eachother.

Original poster
Divisio · 01/03/2023 21:23

VladmirsPoutine · 01/03/2023 21:21

Posted too soon, do they have an otherwise amicable relationship or do they tolerate eachother for the sake of peace? Perhaps not in either extreme but their relationship should go some way to indicate if this fractious incident is part of a wider problem between the way they relate to eachother.

There’s never been any issues or friction between them ever. They aren’t friends though and have never socialised without me there except, I think, at a cousins christening when I was ill and couldn’t attend but DH went with our DS without me. There’s never been any reason to think either party doesn’t like the other, no arguments, no incidents.

OP posts:
LuckyThatMyBreastsAreSmallAndHumble · 01/03/2023 21:51

I think you should let it go. What are you hoping to achieve?

TheOpenRoad · 01/03/2023 22:03

Does your husband like and get on with your sister? I had a friend make up in a very realistic and believable way, something that my DH had said when I was out of the room. It was done to create a rift between DH and me as friend doesn't like him. It was so believable that it did cause issues

Catapultaway · 01/03/2023 22:07

Sorry, but I fail to see how it became relevant 3 years later. If you didn't bring it up at the time how can you bring it up now.
Nobody remembers conversations from 3 years ago.

Original poster
Divisio · 01/03/2023 22:21

Basically, earlier today I said something to SIL (who has just had a baby). Nothing to do with weight/body/exercise - a completely different thing. I don’t think it was unkind, rude or hurtful - nor does DH, DBro, DM, DF or SIL herself. It was about not being able to see the photos she was posting of the baby on Facebook, SIL realised she’d got weird privacy settings by mistake and changed them. No drama. However, DSis sent me a long message saying how I need make an extra effort to be extra kind and tactful when speaking to SIL because she’s just had a baby. There’s quite a backstory about DSis being weirdly protective of SIL for a reason I can’t fathom - SIL is older than both of us and doesn’t need babying. I responded to DSis that I don’t recall her being kind and tactful when I’d just had a baby and I have two examples. One was when DD was two days old and I walked in and heard my mum and my sister calling me selfish and inconsiderate for not having taken the baby to meet them yet (I was literally walking in to DM’s house to surprise them with the baby when I heard the conversation), and the other example was that conversation she’d had with DH just after DS was born. She didn’t respond to the first example and just denied that the second incident ever happened. She said it did not happen, she has no idea what I’m talking about and that she thinks it’s quite scary that I think it happened.

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 01/03/2023 22:26

Well there's your answer surely? You sister has form for talking behind your back so no wonder she'd lie.

It all sounds so petty though.

Pippa12 · 01/03/2023 22:27

I’d just let this go?! A conversation from 3 years ago regarding your diet/gym?? I thought you were going to say they’d had a passionate snog and one was denying it- not that they’d swapped your weekly meal plans?

Original poster
Divisio · 01/03/2023 22:31

I really don’t think I’m the only person who thinks it’s unkind to comment on someone’s weight, behind their back, to their DH when they’ve just had a baby (especially when they are actually in a health weight range for their height).

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 01/03/2023 22:32

Sounds like your dh was telling the truth.

GhostsJulianforPrimeMinister · 01/03/2023 22:33

I'd believe your DH based on what you've said.

Lemonspy · 01/03/2023 22:37

Yeah I’d believe your DH

angelikacpickles · 01/03/2023 22:41

I'd believe your DH. He had no reason to make it up whereas your sister has every reason to deny that it happened.

Nosecan · 01/03/2023 23:10

I would believe your dh. Does your sister maybe have her own body issues?

downtonupton · 01/03/2023 23:24

I'd believe DH

sister has probably forgotten if it was 3 years ago and not anything emotional or of significance to her.

stonebrambleboy · 02/03/2023 03:10

Team DH.

Cherryana · 02/03/2023 03:35

Weight things can be a bit charged because people who exercise a lot, eat well etc can be a bit judgey and those who don’t have that stuff as such a priority can be a bit defensive. She probably thought she was showing concern (whether you needed it or not) and husband was protective of you.

Sounds like you have a good DH.

FourFour · 02/03/2023 03:51

Clear as day that it's your sister who is lying?!! She has form for doing this so why are you even questioning who?

Drinkinggreentea · 02/03/2023 03:55

This is really a non-issue, not sure why you are all making drama over this. You and your sister need to learn to communicate better. Next time you find out she says something that bothers you just bring it up with her straight away. It's awful to hold on to things for this long. You could have just said three years ago that you didn't like her talking about your weight as it was upsetting and then both moved on. It seems like you both make mountains out of molehills.

Emptycrackedcup · 02/03/2023 04:25

MrsBunnyEars · 01/03/2023 20:53

I’d suspect that neither are lying, both saw it differently.

She thought she asked a throwaway question and (understandably) has forgotten the details, he felt ambushed.

This. And its now three years later so no one will really remember what happened anyway

Zcity · 02/03/2023 05:55

Well it's clear your DH is telling the truth.

  1. your sister genuinely doesn't remember
  2. your sister remembers but is denying it

If she's the sort of person who talks behind people's backs negatively, especially about weight etc, this is a horrible trait and I'd keep her at arm's length.

TimeForThunder · 02/03/2023 06:11

Team DH based on all of your posts. Your DSis sounds thoughtless and a bit self-righteous at best and I have no trouble believing your husband based on the other incident you mention and the fact that she seems to be the only person with anything to gain from lying (or may well have just forgotten given the passage of time). Your DH bright it up contemporaneously so if he's lying, it's very calculated and sinister. Is that likely?

Aprilx · 02/03/2023 06:22

Well I believe DH although I wouldn’t call it a an ambush. But regardless, I think you are being ridiculous making this such an issue three years later. If you had a problem with it you should have said so at the time, absolutely no need to bring it up now and in the context of that conversation totally unnecessary.

pictoosh · 02/03/2023 06:32

Your sister is lying. She’s been caught out being mildly hypocritical but rather than own it she has chosen to deny it, probably because she was in the throes of being all concerned for sil. Your recollection does negate her stance.

Anyway, I’d let it drop.

PoseyFlump · 02/03/2023 06:58

Your DSis was worried about you because you were 10 stone after having a baby? Nah. She was just bitching. Trust your DH and watch your back with your sister.