To wonder if this is jealousy

[Feelslikespring2]

So long story short I have always struggled with women

When I was at school I had a few good friends but I would always hear about girls in my year who I'd never spoken to and some I didn't even know who apparently 'hated me' and 'had it in for me' and would try and turn other girls against me.

Then as an adult some of my friends will compliment each other on a night out but not me. I'm not saying I deserve a compliment bit surely you would say something at least out of politeness if giving one to everyone else.

My Dh always says 'they're probably jealous' but I feel like this is something he says to make me feel better because that's what husbands do.

Aibu to wonder if this could actually be the case though?

I feel like this would somewhat be easier to accept then just being so repellent that women simply don't like me or want much to do with me.

If you have treated someone differently because you've been jealous what did you do and why? Also, anyone else had a similar experience with other females?

Do you give compliments? I've noticed more people will say something nice to you if you do the same to them.

Are you a confident person OP?

@Undermyumberellaellaella all the time. Mostly because I genuinely believe in the compliment I am giving. But also because I know how it feels to be left out so I actively try to make others feel included and good about themselves

@Ludo19 not the most extrovert in the room but chatty and like a good party. Why do you ask?

I'm an adult, comparison is the thief of joy and I know that you can never tell what goes on behind closed doors, or what traumas people have faced in their past, or are currently going through. Jealousy is a completely pointless emotion. The only time I might feel negative about someone is if they lorded it over people because they perceived themselves to be worthy of jealousy if you see what I mean? In this case I would presume they are very insecure and avoid them like the plague!

I agree with your DH, the chances are they probably are jealous of you in some way OP.

I used to experience this a lot, and could never figure out why. It wasn't until I was in my late 30's, that a real friend told me how much she envied my confidence, and the way I carried myself, and that she could see why all the blokes fancied me, as I was so unaware of my looks, etc., that I realised that it probably was jealousy, so just ignore and don't try and befriend people like this, as they'll always have an axe to grind with you.

Some people will always like some people more or less. <shrug>

The trick is not to care. If you think you're being a nice person, true to yourself, that's what matters.

And I hate faux compliments, even though I dish them out. I wouldn't miss them if they weren't there.

I'm sorry OP but I don't think so. Do you genuinely think people would not say something nice because they're so jealous of you?

God I hate to say it, but if you like someone you find it easy to compliment them,. I get why you’d think every single female friend is envious of you.,but I think you know deep down, it’s not true. Your partner is just trying to soften it. But bottom line is if a woman likes another woman they will compliment them, I get though why it’s easier for you to wish it’s envy and not you’re just not liked.

sorry op. But you already knew it. Deep down. You knew.

'Littleflowerseverywhere' what a horrible thing to say, and a horrible way to say it too! I bet you're one of those, that accepts compliments but doesn't give them out, or worse still, makes fake compliments and then talks behind the person's back. Sometimes I really dislike other women!

Are you extremely beautiful? That can bring out the bitchy side in girls but one would hope not when they have grown up!

well hello there snowflake, and you’re wrong, and she asked, why should I pretend. We all know it’s true, most women do not behave in rhe manner she describes, although I’m guessing from your lashing out, you do.

Because you seem very similar with your experiences to me. Like you I'm chatty but not extroverted. I know what suits me and I like to dress nice. I'm definitely not up my own arse. Some people are just jealous and as you get older (I'm probably older than you) you'll be less likely to give a toss.

Are you very beautiful OP?

I think I would probably compliment my other friends before a very beautiful one. Don't think it's out of jealousy, certainly not to make her feel bad. Maybe an assumption that a very beautiful friend already knows it and doesn't need the compliment.

What a bitchy comment.

So long story short I have always struggled with women

Lets face it, it’s just incredibly unlikely that every woman you’ve ever come across is so uncontrollably jealous of you that she can’t maintain a friendship.

It’s deeply unlikely, OP. It’s the kind of cliché people pull out of the bag to put a positive spin on other people’s unpleasant behaviour. I think your friends sound a bit odd — were they the ones telling you total strangers at your school ‘had it in for you’?

Definitely sounds like jealousy.
People here say women dont act like that, but lots really do.

The pretty/confident girls I've known have always been the most popular IME. I would say they either think you're quite aloof, rate yourself a little too highly, try too hard or are too flirty with men. These are the reasons I have found women take again women that could be described as pretty and confident. You might not be or you might not think you are but sometimes people come across to others in ways they don't realise or don't mean to.

Oh cmon now, Every Friend she has is uncontrollably envious, she’s so so awesome that no woman can be her friend,: you believe this?

in my experience if women like another woman then they easily compliment. Very telling we have posters saying I’m a nasty bitch for saying so.

How utterly ironic.

Women can be very insecure, competitive & bitchy around beauty. It’s a sad fact given we all want to hold up & support each other but not those women who feel your beauty is a threat to them. It’s mating competition. Even if you’re all coupled up /married /other. We are all monkeys at the end of the day, primitive & territorial. If it is beauty go hang out with some bonobos. They’re generally more chill.

Littleflowerseverywhere

Completely unnecessary.

I think some people just rub along better than others. I was bullied by girls at school, calling a slag and then (bizarrely) a lesbian when I tried dressing frumpily. I’ve a face like a bag of spanners - they just didn’t like me.

my DM always says “what other people think of you is none of your business”.