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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be raging about this??! What can I do??

139 replies

Summerseat · 01/03/2023 19:10

Posted on other topics not many replies so posting on here.

Left a job 5 weeks ago that I had for 15 years, perfect work history, glowing references.

There has been a lot of thefts In my workplace over a period of time, it transpires that within the last 5 weeks there has been a talk/rumour that is was me. Staff have been told there is direct evidence it was me & witness statements. I have had NO idea about any of this. I haven't been approached in any formal capacity about these claims..yet everyone thinks its me. This is a big organisation, think one of the biggest employers in the country.

My name is being dragged through the dirt & it appears I can do fuck all about, people can say what they like however damaging it is.

The only sign I knew something was wrong is that one by one People I've known for 15 years have been blocking me.

My reputation, friendships & mental health are down the toilet. AIBU to think this shouldn't be allowed to happen?

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/03/2023 05:48

I am in no way experienced in this. But if it happened to anyone I know, I think I would be advising to contact an employment lawyer if you can afford it. Ask them to write to the company to raise a grievance. It will show you mean business. They will know how to word the letter regarding defamation of character and insisting the rumours must stop and be fully refuted. The company need to know you are taking the allegations seriously and that it is damaging your reputation and jeopardising your future employment prospects.

Hopefully someone from HR will come on the thread and give you better advice.

Dustyblue · 02/03/2023 06:02

I'm glad to hear you got a new job with better conditions.

So, presumably you gave your new employer a reference by someone at your ex-employer? After 15 years the new employer would expect one.

Was that before or after the rumours broke, as far as you know?

It all smells fishy, I'm not sure I could just let it go. Sorry this is happening, it sucks.

oneyouknow · 02/03/2023 06:15

OP it sounds like all your own accusations are coming from gossip and now your are badgering all your former work colleagues for information and contacting your old boss and place of work based on gossip.

You have no formal communications of these allegations, no wonder people are blocking you. They still have to work there and your are harassing them all based on gossip.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 02/03/2023 06:43

If you left for a new job, were they aware of it? Or did you hand in notice without saying you had found a higher paid position?

I only ask because if you had to ask for a reference for your new employer, surely they would have mentioned they're belief that you were a prolific thief and you wouldn't have got the new job?

Or are they concerned that they appear to have allowed people to be targeted so blaming you as you've gone seems the easy option (maybe one of the managers is the thief so will now stop because they have a scapegoat?)

LookItsMeAgain · 02/03/2023 07:59

Summerseat · 01/03/2023 19:53

I have also heard that they have pinpointed the thefts to be happening on night shift. I worked 5 nights a week, so.i was there alot

Were you the only one on nightshift? You didn't continually work nightshift so when you weren't on nightshift did the robberies continue?

I'd be looking at the person still employed in the company who is the most vocal and trying to deflect attention away from themselves, not a previous employee.

I'd be wondering if, since you left, the person is still employed in the company and has just put a temporary stop to their thievery but will resume when they think the heat is off them.

rainbowstardrops · 02/03/2023 08:15

Bloody hell, I'd be fuming as well @Summerseat! I have no idea of the legal ins and outs but I hope you can clear your name soon and your so called friends who have blocked you, will hang their heads in shame!

KattyKattyKatz · 02/03/2023 08:24

Summerseat · 01/03/2023 22:53

CCTV has been in place for maybe 5 months, that didn't stop the thefts. But the CCTV only covers a limited area of the work place.

I very much doubt my friend would provide statements unfortunately. The ones I have managed to speak to/get anything out of don't want to get involved for fear of reprisals.

Then it is someone high up who knows how the cameras work and what areas they cover

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 02/03/2023 08:34

Dustyblue · 02/03/2023 06:02

I'm glad to hear you got a new job with better conditions.

So, presumably you gave your new employer a reference by someone at your ex-employer? After 15 years the new employer would expect one.

Was that before or after the rumours broke, as far as you know?

It all smells fishy, I'm not sure I could just let it go. Sorry this is happening, it sucks.

Reading the OP’s posts, she left the job to start the new job 5 weeks ago and the rumours that it was her responsible have surfaced since she left (although the thefts were known about and management were investigating to some extent with cctv etc) so presumably references were provided before she left the previous post and started the new one otherwise you’d think the job offer would be rescinded once the new place received it.

Dustyblue · 02/03/2023 08:38

@LovedFedAndNoonesDead Ah I see, that makes more sense of it.

Dustyblue · 02/03/2023 08:41

I'd to go back to the person who gave me a reference for the new job and ask them point-blank what the firetruck is going on?

But if that's one of the people who is blocking the OP.... very tricky.

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/03/2023 10:11

Summerseat · 01/03/2023 23:17

The allegations have apparently been going around since I left (5 weeks) but I've only just been told about them.now. I agree other staff members should not be privy to the ins & out if a formal investigation is being made.

May I ask how often the thefts were taking place?

To blame someone after only five theft-free weeks seems astonishingly short-sighted. If it were five MONTHS and you had been the only one to leave, and people were suspicious, I could perhaps understand that - but five weeks is no time at all.

It definitely sounds like you are being made the fall guy. Odds on your main accuser is the culprit, taking this opportunity to shift the blame,

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/03/2023 10:17

I only ask because if you had to ask for a reference for your new employer, surely they would have mentioned they're belief that you were a prolific thief and you wouldn't have got the new job?

They wouldn't DARE to do this without cast-iron proof. That would be libel, and if affected OP getting a job or damaged her reputation in any way (which of course it would) they would be wide open to a lawsuit and OP would win it hands down.

This is in many ways worse - it is unsubstantiated rumour and insinuation. no formal charges, nothing that OP can prove because no-one will come out and support her because they don't want to get on the wrong side of management. Really difficult to defend yourself against because it is all very circumstantial and nebulous - and also one of those situations where if there is a denial people would say "Well, she's hardly going to admit it, is she?".

The more OP protests, the guiltier she may look in some people's eyes.

Clarinet1 · 02/03/2023 15:07

ReliantRobyn · 02/03/2023 00:08

Please try not to steal from work. Its not nice to take what is not yours

Whilst this is true, I’m not sure to whom the comment is directed - The OP, because you believe she did steal? Another poster? Everyone?

browneyes77 · 02/03/2023 16:33

LookItsMeAgain · 02/03/2023 07:59

Were you the only one on nightshift? You didn't continually work nightshift so when you weren't on nightshift did the robberies continue?

I'd be looking at the person still employed in the company who is the most vocal and trying to deflect attention away from themselves, not a previous employee.

I'd be wondering if, since you left, the person is still employed in the company and has just put a temporary stop to their thievery but will resume when they think the heat is off them.

Show quote history

Yes my thoughts entirely.

It’s quite possible the real offender has gone quite for a while to take the heat off themselves. Who’s to say the culprit isn’t an actual manager themselves? Trying to pin the blame on you?

I would absolutely try and get some legal advice on this @Summerseat. The company need to know that you are taking this seriously and have gotten legal advice on it. That alone may get them to shut this crap down.

And if management have discussed this with other employees, that’s a big HR no-no. Nothing should be discussed whilst there’s an ongoing investigation.

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