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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say if you didn’t like a friends decor?

71 replies

shutupheathe · 01/03/2023 15:53

I have a small dressing room and I have open pax IKEA wardrobes - otherwise it’s would be a box room with cupboards.

Friend asked if I had those wardrobes and wouldn’t they look messy. I showed her a photo of the room and she just smiled and didn’t say anything. So maybe she hated it?

She recently did her living room and it’s not my style at all (hers is navy and mine is white so mine probably looks boring) but I still said how nice it was.

Would you pretend to like someone’s house just to be nice?

(Just to add I would tell the truth if asked for my opinion before decorating or buying)

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 01/03/2023 15:57

I would find something positive to say because, as you say it doesn't have to be to my taste.

KimberleyClark · 01/03/2023 16:01

I would say something nice about it even if it wasn’t to my taste. Your friend sounds rude.

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/03/2023 16:02

A box room with some basic doorless cupboards isn’t really decor is it? It’s functional storage, I wouldn’t overthink her not complimenting it.

But no, I wouldn’t tell anyone I didn’t like their decor. I’d find something diplomatic say or say nothing at all.

MintJulia · 01/03/2023 16:05

I would always be polite unless specifically asked, and then I'd say it wasn't to my taste but I didn't have to live with it.

WaddleAway · 01/03/2023 16:05

So it’s just a box room with some open wardrobes? Sounds like there probably isn’t much to say about it. I think a living room/kitchen etc is different, I’d always make a positive comment even if I hated it. But a dressing room?

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 01/03/2023 16:06

They could have Live, Laugh, Love projected onto to entire front of their house and I'd still find something nice to say.

Twiglets1 · 01/03/2023 16:08

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 01/03/2023 16:06

They could have Live, Laugh, Love projected onto to entire front of their house and I'd still find something nice to say.

Lol….same

Original poster
shutupheathe · 01/03/2023 16:09

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/03/2023 16:02

A box room with some basic doorless cupboards isn’t really decor is it? It’s functional storage, I wouldn’t overthink her not complimenting it.

But no, I wouldn’t tell anyone I didn’t like their decor. I’d find something diplomatic say or say nothing at all.

Well it’s more than that. It’s not just an empty room with one open door wardrobe stuffed with clothes. There’s more in the room aside from that.

OP posts:
Fuckstix · 01/03/2023 16:09

Doesn't sound like there's really much to compliment, just simple and useful? I might say it was a great use of the space but not really that it looked nice.

Original poster
shutupheathe · 01/03/2023 16:15

WaddleAway · 01/03/2023 16:05

So it’s just a box room with some open wardrobes? Sounds like there probably isn’t much to say about it. I think a living room/kitchen etc is different, I’d always make a positive comment even if I hated it. But a dressing room?

No, I’ve completely changed it from what it was, had part of the room removed and had a stud wall put in, had a builder put in an inbuild wardrobe in the alcove I created, had the pax put on the other side.

It’s been repainted, has a dressing table station (hard to describe) - plants etc.

Maybe not to anyone’s taste but mine but I just wanted to point out I wasn’t showing an empty room with an open storage. Which I agree wouldn’t need a comment.

OP posts:
Iwantmyoldnameback · 01/03/2023 16:15

Probably jealous you have a dressing room. 😂

Knittedfairies · 01/03/2023 16:19

I inadvertently told someone I didn't care for the decor; she'd just moved in and was showing me round. I'd said all the right things - lots of light, good storage, decent size and so on, but ruined it all when I remarked that it would be really nice when she redecorated... She'd done that room.

Spendonsend · 01/03/2023 16:24

I wouldnt say I didnt like it, but I wouldnt say i loved it if I didnt.

I reckon I could say something positive along the lines of it suiting their personaiky/house/lifestyle and there's normally one feature like 'yellow is so cheerful' or 'that vase sets it off'

Original poster
shutupheathe · 01/03/2023 16:28

Knittedfairies · 01/03/2023 16:19

I inadvertently told someone I didn't care for the decor; she'd just moved in and was showing me round. I'd said all the right things - lots of light, good storage, decent size and so on, but ruined it all when I remarked that it would be really nice when she redecorated... She'd done that room.

In my old place I had what I though at the time was nice wallpaper I’d just added. A guy can round to quote for the blinds and said to go with white as it will still match when I redecorate as I’ll definitely want to get rid of that wallpaper.

He was extremely embarrassed when I said I’d just decorated. It was funny but as a salesperson I wouldn’t comment negatively about the decor of anyone’s house.

OP posts:
Dogsitterwoes · 01/03/2023 16:30

I usually say 'it's amazing'.

They take it as a compliment and don't know I'm thinking 'I'm amazed - that you wanted this as it's horrible.'

So not a lie.. they're happy, I'm happy.

Lovesacake · 01/03/2023 16:30

We’re going to need a picture of the dressing room op! I’d love a dressing room

JustStopOilyPoshKids · 01/03/2023 16:33

No I wouldn't lie just to be "nice". But if I didn't like sommat like that I wouldn't offer my opinion unsolicited. Would keep schtum! If pressed for my opinion I'd try and be tactful like "it wouldn't be my choice but what does that matter. As long as you are happy with it"

laddersandsnakes12 · 01/03/2023 16:38

I wouldn't say what i really thought unless they genuinely asked me what my opinions were. But even then I'd say something along the lines of "it's not my thing but if you like it then that's all that matters". Otherwise I'd just be vaguely complimentary about it. One friend once bought a huge piece of artwork for her wall, I hated it and all I could see when I looked at it was a vagina, because it literally looked like a vagina, only bright blue and crystallized 😂. I told her it was unique and eye catching. But I would never tell her my true feelings because she loves it so much, there's no need to go raining on someone's parade.

SeasonFinale · 01/03/2023 16:42

But she asked whether it looked messy. You showed her a picture and she presumably decided it did so didn't comment at all. It had proved to her what she thought. She probably thought uf she said outright oh yes it does you would be upset but couldn't bring herself to lie to say it didn't.

For what it is worth I would have them open in that set up as the room is basically a walk in /dressing room but with doors if in my bedroom.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 01/03/2023 16:43

All the 'I don't really like it but it's what you think that counts' are the sort to say to a bride 'that dress doesn't do much for you but as long as your happy that's all that matters'.

PurpleParrotfish · 01/03/2023 16:44

@laddersandsnakes12 I thought when I read your post that you might be outing yourself, but maybe there are lots of people with friends with giant blue crystal vaginas on the wall!

laddersandsnakes12 · 01/03/2023 16:47

@PurpleParrotfish she doesn't think it looks like a vagina (as far as I know anyway!) so hopefully not too outing!

SomersetONeil · 01/03/2023 16:50

But she asked whether it looked messy. You showed her a picture and she presumably decided it did so didn't comment at all. It had proved to her what she thought. She probably thought uf she said outright oh yes it does you would be upset but couldn't bring herself to lie to say it didn't.

I came on to say exactly this ^^

DH’s house before that he lived in before moved in together has open shelving in the kitchen. It looks great in House & Garden and on insta because it’s all been colour coordinated and styled to within an inch of its life.

In real life, exposed shelving looks messy.

Precipice · 01/03/2023 16:50

I wouldn't claim to like something I didn't. But I wouldn't volunteer my opinion on decor without being asked about it either. Plenty of people have interior design I hate or dress in clothes I think are awful and so on.

Your friend didn't do anything wrong. Her opinion probably remained the same - that she didn't like how it looked, either in the theoretical imaging or how it's been put into existence by you - but she didn't say 'I was right, it does look messy'. She's not under any obligation to lie. I can see that it was a slightly awkward exchange, but I don't think friends (or family) should feel the need to lie in such conversations.

NewHopeNow · 01/03/2023 16:56

"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." She didn't like it, but it would probably have been worse to lie.