Would you say if you didn’t like a friends decor?

[shutupheathe]

I have a small dressing room and I have open pax IKEA wardrobes - otherwise it’s would be a box room with cupboards.

Friend asked if I had those wardrobes and wouldn’t they look messy. I showed her a photo of the room and she just smiled and didn’t say anything. So maybe she hated it?

She recently did her living room and it’s not my style at all (hers is navy and mine is white so mine probably looks boring) but I still said how nice it was.

Would you pretend to like someone’s house just to be nice?

(Just to add I would tell the truth if asked for my opinion before decorating or buying)

Mirrored doors would be the most ugly thing I could think of being in that room. So proves your point I guess.

Yes, I would pretend to be nice and say it looked lovely even if I thought it was horrible. I never understand why people say horrible things about others houses.

When I bought my first house, I invited my friend over and she asked to have a look around. She made comments the whole time about how I could improve it, how I could do with an extension and how I would need an extra room because the kids would need a play room. This is coming from someone who doesn't own their own house. She could never afford a house the same size as the one I have. She is also my best friend, so that was pretty shit.

I'd say something nice, don't care if it's naff to do so.I think people who do otherwise are naff. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I very rarely ask for opinions, only when I genuinely want an opinion.
Then I will ask someone who is blunt but honest.
If I have made a decision then I don’t court opinions.

This has reminded me of an ex who constantly critiqued my clothing. Telling me that my coat didn’t suit me, my trousers didn’t suit me, my hair was too long, my boots were inappropriate, I shouldn’t wear make up when not with him, I should always wear make up when with him, my hand cream gave him a headache, my face cream made him feel nauseous, I wasn’t as thin as his ex etc etc etc. God forbid that I ever commented on his appearance.
Probably why I hardly comment on others and why I have low self esteem.
I would never pass a comment on others people’s decor unless they asked my opinion.

But she didn’t ask to see a photo….?

She said, ‘wouldn’t it look messy?’ and you showed her a photo. She smiled and didn’t say anything.

It seems that some of our comments have upset/irked you and I therefore suspect that may be why she didn't comment.

Meh I like the sound of your dressing room, I'm not a fan of mirrored doors surrounding me personally so mirrors on wardrobes that sit on both sides of the wall wouldn't be my bag I'd much prefer the open wardrobe. Sounds like you have differing styles and she probably realises that given the two contrasting living rooms so maybe felt best not to lie about disliking that aesthetic.

so patronising

You just have to find a positive.
She prob should have said: fantastic amount of storage space and really clear to see where stuff is. Even if she thought it was messy and ugly.

God, I have a friend a bit like that. Spent a fortune doing up her house and garden and I was complimentary even though I don't personally like all her choices. Came to mine after a lesser-fortune spent on some much needed work and the most generous thing she said was 'oh you've got my carpet' as if the 10 year old, now-in-every-other-home had been copied from her last year 🙄

Mind you, she's also made some rather unpleasant comments about my medically-related weight gain so all things considered perhaps she's not the friend I thought she was!

I'd probably choose something I liked and focus on that, I don't like lying. Or if they asked specifically I'd probably say yes, then quickly change the subject

She's probably jealous you have a lovely dressing room.
It sounds great.
We've recently moved into a new house which is a MAJOR improvement on our old one. We've had a couple of people say they preferred our old house which is a ridiculous lie. For what purpose I've no idea.

I wouldn't pretend anything. But I can say things like 'I love that lamp (or rug or pillow)'. If someone showed me a pic of course I would say something - even if it was along the lines of 'everything looks very well organised'! Basic manners.

You say “ this is lovely, or this space really suits you. Good job”

Why be a bitch when you don’t need to be. If you have friends that can’t be nice or that seem to have a resting bitch personality find better people to spend time with. Life is already to hard and too short to entertain that life.

We’ve all put our foot in it at times. She didn’t say anything, but she could have been thinking anything from, “god yes, that looks messy and I hate it”, to “yeah, mine would never stay that tidy though.” If she’s generally a good friend, shrug it off as a likely misunderstanding and move on. If she’s normally a bit condescending, you probably already have your answer.

This. The sort of people I find very rude and wouldn't want to have in my life.

No I wouldn’t say I disliked something once it was done. But I wouldn’t gush either
so it’s possible I wouldn’t give the ‘wanted’ response whether I felt positive or not.

I would absolutely lie. And have no trouble doing so!

I want my friends to feel supported and good about their choices, I'd never offer an opinion, I'd gush over anything they'd done like it was the best thing in the world.

I have quite a few friends and they always share lots of things with me, I think because they know I'll be happy and positive.

She sounds awful!

One 'rule' I have for friendships - do they bring you up? Because if they often bring you down or ever make you feel rubbish doubt yourself/ruin happy news then dump them!

If someone can't be happy for you, they're not a friend.

Thank you, I think I needed to hear that.

I've stepped back big time tbh, but I do feel conflicted about whether I should drop the friendship altogether - you get out what you put in sort of thing. I appreciate the wake up call :)