Page 2 | Would you say if you didn’t like a friends decor?

shutupheathe · 2023-03-01T15:53:25+00:00

I have a small dressing room and I have open pax IKEA wardrobes - otherwise it’s would be a box room with cupboards. Friend asked if I had those wardrobes and wouldn’t they look messy. I showed her a photo of the room and she just smiled and didn’t say anything. So maybe she hated it? She recently did her living room and it’s not my style at all (hers is navy and mine is white so mine probably looks boring) but I still said how nice it was. Would you pretend to like someone’s house just to be nice? (Just to add I would tell the truth if asked for my opinion before decorating or buying)

PandasAreUseless · 01/03/2023 17:00

God no!
Even in friends' homes where I hate the decor, I'd always say it looks great. Or I'd say something neutral like "it looks very smart".

Strugglingtodomybest · 01/03/2023 17:03

SeasonFinale · 01/03/2023 16:42

But she asked whether it looked messy. You showed her a picture and she presumably decided it did so didn't comment at all. It had proved to her what she thought. She probably thought uf she said outright oh yes it does you would be upset but couldn't bring herself to lie to say it didn't.

For what it is worth I would have them open in that set up as the room is basically a walk in /dressing room but with doors if in my bedroom.

This is what I think too.

Some people (me) like to have everything where they can see it, otherwise they forget that they have it. Other people like to put everything away behind closed doors so that it looks neater.

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 01/03/2023 17:03

I would comment to a very good mate, or my brother maybe, along the lines “I think the open shelves would bug me for all the dusting, but it’s very practical.”

I would expect the same from them - I know a number of my friends hate a painting we have a huge print of. I don’t mind, we have different tastes. Why would we like the same style of decor when we’ve different aesthetics?

To a less close friend I’d probably tell a social lie - “oh, great,” - or just not comment.

WonderingWanda · 01/03/2023 17:04

Friend asked if I had those wardrobes and wouldn’t they look messy. I showed her a photo of the room and she just smiled and didn’t say anything. So maybe she hated it?

I think in this situation you weren't really showing her to get her opinion, she just wanted to see the style of wardrobe as she thought open fronts would look messy. If she didn't say anything then yes, maybe in her opinion it looked messy, that doesn't mean it actually does. Some people are really keen on stuff being hidden away. She was polite enough not to say 'oh, yes they do look a mess'. She may not have complimented your interior design because a) she didn't like it or b) she did and she's jealous and is going to copy it. Who knows and who cares. The important thing is she wasn't rude and you are happy with your dressing room I suppose.

I have diplomatically said things like 'that's cosy' or 'that's nice and bright' when I hate someone's finished decor. If they asked at the design stage I might be more honest and say 'it's not for me because...but if you like it go for it'.

SomersetONeil · 01/03/2023 17:07

Essentially OP - this is nothing to do with your interior design, and all to do with one particular item in the room maybe looking a bit messy.

haveyoutriedturningitoffandthenonagain · 01/03/2023 17:11

I'm not good at lying so I'd say as little as possible. Our homes are very personal and we don't need each other to like them. I adore my home because it's how I like it, not anyone else.

PermanentTemporary · 01/03/2023 17:11

God no. I will always gush. Tbh I'm useless at decor so I nearly always find something to admire - ' oh this is so cosy and relaxed' is about as negative as I get. It's someone's home and it doesn't matter 2 hoots whether I give my true opinion or not.

Tbh why ask people if it upsets you? Just do what you like. Some people won't like it. Who gives a crap?

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 01/03/2023 17:13

Yes I would be positive and kind even if I didn't like it. I would find something about it I did like and comment on that. But I wouldn't say anything unless it came up e.g 'I've been decorating, here's a photo' etc.

Sunriseinwonderland · 01/03/2023 17:14

I'd say nothing. I've had some friends with wallpaper so horrible is makes me nauseous but I'd never tell them I hate it. I don't have to live there.
I'm sure lots of people don't like my multi coloured new agey decor.

Uhave2changethings · 01/03/2023 17:30

Isn't it kind of a rule that the first time you visit someone's home you say something nice about it, as a good guest? Friends differ - some I can be totally honest with but others you need to be careful what you do or do not say!

BogRollBOGOF · 01/03/2023 17:44

There's normally something positive and honest you can say. "That looks very efficient" is something that can be said if open storage isn't your thing.

Closing storage off can look neat, but for some people it can be impractical and obstructive for putting things away.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 01/03/2023 17:45

Not unless I was asked for my opinion.

SpyouttheLand · 01/03/2023 17:49

I wouldn't lie, but I'd find something nice to say "all that storage must be really handy although I'd much prefer doors on the cupbaords "

Arthurflecksfacepaint · 01/03/2023 17:49

If they liked it, I would say it was amazing even if I hated it.

so what if I don’t like it, I don’t live there. And life is too short to make people feel crap.

AcrossthePond55 · 01/03/2023 17:52

Why would I want to hurt the feelings of someone I love/care about simply because I have different taste? Every style has its adherents and no one style is the 'only good style'.

My BFF and I have opposite 'taste'. She's very 'chintz and tchotchkes' and I'm 'streamlined mid-century'. Just because I wouldn't put her 'style' in my home that doesn't mean that I can't 'appreciate' the way she's styled her living room as her interpretation of her chosen style. I can honestly say "It looks lovely" because it does for that style, it's just not my style. Just as she can 'appreciate' my simple, no fuss living room as my interpretation of mid-century.

Each to their own.

2bazookas · 01/03/2023 17:52

Would you pretend to like someone’s house just to be nice?

No. If someone asks my opinion, they get a straight answer.

I don't think fake praise and deceit is "being nice".

LolaSmiles · 01/03/2023 17:54

But she asked whether it looked messy. You showed her a picture and she presumably decided it did so didn't comment at all. It had proved to her what she thought. She probably thought uf she said outright oh yes it does you would be upset but couldn't bring herself to lie to say it didn't
I was going to say something similar.

If asked what she thought of the transformation to a dressing room, she'd probably respond politely, but this was a discussion about the messiness of open cupboards.

DilemmaDelilah · 01/03/2023 17:55

I would never offer an opinion unasked... But if I absolutely had to I would try to find something complimentary without saying I liked it. Such as 'I can tell you have put an awful lot of work into it', or 'doesn't it look fresh and clean'. I find it very difficult to lie!

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/03/2023 17:58

The thing is that hardly anyone has a dressing room and an awful lot of people would like one. I wonder whether she comes into the category of someone who would like one and hasn't got one so is trying to spoil your enjoyment.

2bazookas · 01/03/2023 17:58

Uhave2changethings

Isn't it kind of a rule that the first time you visit someone's home you say something nice about it, as a good guest?

NO. Cheesy salesmen do that. It's horribly naff.

Social etiquette demands that on first visit, first meeting, a polite person does NOT offer any opinion/comment on the other persons home, looks, outfit etc.

PleaseJustText · 01/03/2023 18:03

I do compliment decor if someone mentions they've recently done something or sends a photo after they've decorated. Occasionally it's not to my taste (my lovely mum loves some very tacky things!). Still, It's their home and they're clearly proud of what they've done so I want them to feel good about it.

The majority of the time, even if something isn't to my taste it's still nice. I love colour but can appreciate a pale airy house.

5128gap · 01/03/2023 18:08

She thinks open shelves look messy compared to things being behind doors. Most people would probably have had mirrored doors as its a DR. You showed her the photo and it didn't convince her otherwise. She chose not to lie.
Nothing to worry about, just different taste over that one detail surely?

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 01/03/2023 18:10

PleaseJustText · 01/03/2023 18:03

I do compliment decor if someone mentions they've recently done something or sends a photo after they've decorated. Occasionally it's not to my taste (my lovely mum loves some very tacky things!). Still, It's their home and they're clearly proud of what they've done so I want them to feel good about it.

The majority of the time, even if something isn't to my taste it's still nice. I love colour but can appreciate a pale airy house.

Yes, if they've just had it done it would achieve nothing to say you didn't like it - especially if they might be having doubts but were stuck with it. There's got to be something positive you can say, even if only to compliment the quality of the workmanship and finish.

LadyVictoriaSponge · 01/03/2023 18:28

AcrossthePond55 · 01/03/2023 17:52

Why would I want to hurt the feelings of someone I love/care about simply because I have different taste? Every style has its adherents and no one style is the 'only good style'.

My BFF and I have opposite 'taste'. She's very 'chintz and tchotchkes' and I'm 'streamlined mid-century'. Just because I wouldn't put her 'style' in my home that doesn't mean that I can't 'appreciate' the way she's styled her living room as her interpretation of her chosen style. I can honestly say "It looks lovely" because it does for that style, it's just not my style. Just as she can 'appreciate' my simple, no fuss living room as my interpretation of mid-century.

Each to their own.

I was going to say something very similar, I have a particular style that I obviously love but I can appreciate others taste and compliment them on it looking great, because it does look fab, my best friends house is 60’s style minimalism, it’s wonderful, and I can really appreciate everything she has created, it’s just not what I would pick for my own home as we have different tastes, but it would still make it into an interiors magazine, because our styles are different it doesn’t make hers bad.

Original poster

shutupheathe · 01/03/2023 19:26

SeasonFinale · 01/03/2023 16:42

But she asked whether it looked messy. You showed her a picture and she presumably decided it did so didn't comment at all. It had proved to her what she thought. She probably thought uf she said outright oh yes it does you would be upset but couldn't bring herself to lie to say it didn't.

For what it is worth I would have them open in that set up as the room is basically a walk in /dressing room but with doors if in my bedroom.

And this is why I wouldn’t post a photo because I’d just get horrible comments from people falling over themselves to hurl insults and smirk behind their screens at getting one over on a stranger who did/said nothing to them.

it doesn’t look messy. All the same hangers, not overcrowded, organised. If people think the open closet look is messy then there’s no point asking to see one. I know I don’t want a red kitchen so I wouldn’t ask to see a photo of someone’s red kitchen.

OP posts: