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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy an expensive ring?

91 replies

noodlesofoodles · 01/03/2023 14:51

There is a jewellery brand that I love but I would never be able to afford any of the pieces (it’s all £1,000+). I keep an eye out on second hand sites for pieces being sold on (they rarely come up and are often not much cheaper than retail price) but yesterday found a ring by the brand that I love in my size for £250 - with the stones and design it looks like it would have originally been £1,500+. I know it’s real - the brand has a very distinct style and is too small/unknown for anyone to rip off (I’ve also looked at what else the seller has listed and it fits that it’s just someone with expensive clothes and accessories etc doing a clear out!)

AIBU to buy the ring? I can’t exactly afford it but could split the cost over 3 months and budget on a few other things (stretch hair appointments out, bring lunch from home instead of buying, turn down a few social outings etc) to make up the difference. It feels like an extravagance but I just don’t think I would ever get a ring by this jeweller otherwise! I don’t have a lot of disposable income and wouldn’t want to tell DP I bought it as he would think it was a waste of money (but he also probably wouldn’t notice!)… what would you do??

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 01/03/2023 14:51

Do it

Aixellency · 01/03/2023 14:58

I would do it if it were me.

Just wondering about your relationship, though. Presumably it wouldn’t have some catastrophic effect on your joint finances?

I’d bet there are things your partner spends money on beyond the strictly necessary.

Chickenly · 01/03/2023 14:58

It depends how finances are divided with you and your DP. If you’re hiding things from him and buying things you can’t afford then that’s not reasonable in my book. If you have your own funds/spending then it’s up to you how you spend it. I have an expensive engagement ring and I adore it because I’ll wear it every day - some people would rather have had the expensive wedding. As long as it doesn’t impact anyone else, go for it.

MrsBunnyEars · 01/03/2023 14:59

I was ready to say buy it… but you can’t spend that much money, which you say you can’t afford, and hide it from your DP (assuming you share finances). That would be a massive breach of trust.

pawz · 01/03/2023 15:00

Chickenly · 01/03/2023 14:58

It depends how finances are divided with you and your DP. If you’re hiding things from him and buying things you can’t afford then that’s not reasonable in my book. If you have your own funds/spending then it’s up to you how you spend it. I have an expensive engagement ring and I adore it because I’ll wear it every day - some people would rather have had the expensive wedding. As long as it doesn’t impact anyone else, go for it.

This - if you 100% share finances and need to hide it from him and move money around, you have to tell him. If it's coming from your discretionary spending it's different.

I'm a huge spender, but would feel uncomfortable spending an amount that would mean several months trying to make it back.

quietnightmare · 01/03/2023 15:02

Oh do it, you could be dead tomorrow. As long as you can manage your bills and are willing to do what you said like stretch out your hair appointments and have lunch from home and it won't mean you can't pay the bills then do it

Original poster
noodlesofoodles · 01/03/2023 15:04

As an update DP and I live together but we have separate finances and share living costs - I wouldn’t let this impact on my ability to share living costs (ie the money would come out of things I would normally pay for for myself - hair, outings with friends etc) He would just get annoyed I think as he would see it as a waste of money on my behalf (even though he’s happy to spend much more on a watch, for example, for himself!)

OP posts:
LadyPoison · 01/03/2023 15:05

Do it

You'll really regret it if you don't.

Vegetablesupreme · 01/03/2023 15:07

I'd go for it. You may never get the chance again.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 01/03/2023 15:07

Fucking do it.

As an aside, as long as all bills are paid for, your, DP has no right to comment on what you spend your spare cash on.

MistressofMuppets · 01/03/2023 15:07

Do it. As you have your own discretionary spending money go for it.
Else you'll always regret it.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 01/03/2023 15:08

Do it, I did that with a handbag in the January sales. Didn't impact DH just cut back on everything else I'd pay for that month.

Verv · 01/03/2023 15:09

Do it.
Seems like the opportunity doesnt present regularly, and with some retrospective budgeting you'll be able to cover it.

Aftjbtibg · 01/03/2023 15:10

As long as it’s not impacting on bills etc then go for it. However you shouldn’t feel you have to hide it from your DP.

TokyoSushi · 01/03/2023 15:10

Do it, as long as you can pay the bills!

MrsJessePinkmann · 01/03/2023 15:11

Do it. If you are prepared to be disciplined and cut back in other spending areas, I don't see the problem.

SirVixofVixHall · 01/03/2023 15:11

I would buy the ring OP. You might never see another at an affordable price. I think you will regret it if you don’t.
Would you pm me the brand ? I am not going to buy “your” ring I should add, I am just looking for interesting jewellery.

Aixellency · 01/03/2023 15:16

He would just get annoyed I think as he would see it as a waste of money on my behalf (even though he’s happy to spend much more on a watch, for example, for himself!)

Hmm …

You do know he has no right to ‘annoyance’ over your discretionary spending?

And, as I guessed, he feels entirely free to buy luxuries for himself …

(Maybe you should be moving this to Relationships???)

MrsJessePinkmann · 01/03/2023 15:18

DP sounds like a right hypocrite to be honest. What's it got to do with him?

TirisfalPumpkin · 01/03/2023 15:22

Do it. It seems it isn’t an impulse buy and you’ve had an eye on it for a while.

Original poster
noodlesofoodles · 01/03/2023 15:29

So the advice seems to be go for the ring, ditch DP 😂 (joking, most of the time he’s great)

thanks for the votes to do it - I’m going to buy it (and then keep track of what I don’t buy to make up for it!) I do really love the ring and think I will regret not getting it as I may never see another one I can even remotely afford! Also, I have a lot going on at the moment and kind of feel like I need a treat - I’m thinking maybe this ring can be a little reminder to look after myself and be kind to myself.

OP posts:
MrsJessePinkmann · 01/03/2023 15:37

noodlesofoodles · 01/03/2023 15:29

So the advice seems to be go for the ring, ditch DP 😂 (joking, most of the time he’s great)

thanks for the votes to do it - I’m going to buy it (and then keep track of what I don’t buy to make up for it!) I do really love the ring and think I will regret not getting it as I may never see another one I can even remotely afford! Also, I have a lot going on at the moment and kind of feel like I need a treat - I’m thinking maybe this ring can be a little reminder to look after myself and be kind to myself.

Good for you. I hope it brings you lots of joy ☺️👏🏼

Anonymous48 · 01/03/2023 15:38

You can't afford it, and you wouldn't want to tell your partner about it. Both of those facts make me think it's a bad idea. It's just a piece of jewelry. There are more important things in life.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/03/2023 15:39

Buy it and enjoy wearing it!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 01/03/2023 15:40

When you've bought it, can we see? I love jewellery.

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