Page 4 | Is it selfish to not turn up to kids' birthday parties?

kught · 2023-02-27T15:54:22+00:00

I'm not talking about people who are busy/ill and can't come - there seems to be parents in DC's class that for years have never brought their kid to a party or even bothered to RSVP and acknowledge the invitation. AIBU to find it slightly selfish? I aim to go to all parties that DC is invited to - 1) for my DC to enjoy it and 2) to celebrate with the birthday child and so they have as many people as possible! To repeatedly not even RSVP to say you're not going and just never show up seems rude to me?

Genie321 · 27/02/2023 22:23

JudgeRudy · 27/02/2023 20:18

I don't necessarily think an invite requires a response if you're not interested. No reply = declined.
I'm unsure whatvyou mean by selfish. Selfish because their kids miss out or selfish/rude for not replying?
I loath a kids party. I'd drop off but be unlikely to attend. I did different things that my children enjoyed.

This is the type of parent we don't send another invite too. Shame your kids miss out. I think your username speaks volumes.

JudgeRudy · 27/02/2023 23:12

Genie321 · 27/02/2023 22:23

This is the type of parent we don't send another invite too. Shame your kids miss out. I think your username speaks volumes.

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Yes, I don't get so many Xmas cards now either. People pick up eventually. Kids did go to some parties when they were young....just not with me. As I said, we did other (exciting) things so on balance no one's missed out.
Unsure what you're trying to say about username though. I've shown no judgement. You do you, I'll do me. Rudy is the cats name.

ToWhitToWhoo · 27/02/2023 23:19

I think it's rude not to RSVP; but no one is obliged to attend a party. And some parents may have work or family commitments or health issues that make it difficult or impossible for them to attend. Or their children may not enjoy parties; not all children do.

JaniceBattersby · 27/02/2023 23:21

My second eldest has a really good friend, lovely kid, in his class who he has invited to every birthday party since he was 2. They’re 10 now. The kid’s mother has not once acknowledged the invitation, including this year’s where he was one of only 3 kids invited to a bloody expensive escape room. I sent out a paper invite then texted her and said we’d pick him up from home and drop him back but she didn’t even reply to that. She went to school with my husband so we know she has no SEN that are major enough to stop her replying. She’s just ignorant. The child has never been to a single birthday party of any child in the entire time they’ve been at school.

The kid is lovely. I’ve told my son to invite someone else as it’s always the same but he says he doesn’t want him to feel sad. When he asks him why he’s not coming he just says his mum won’t let him.

KeepingItReal2017 · 27/02/2023 23:22

It’s rude not to RSVP, but there could be legit reasons - lost invites and simply forgetting. If there were repeat offenders who didn’t even reply then they shouldn’t be invited again, if someone blanked me then I wouldn’t ask them the next year.

we just hosted a party. 16 school invitations went out. I hadn’t heard from 3 After two weeks so I just asked the parents directly in the school playground.. one said they hadn’t received the invitation and the other had forgotten to reply. The third was super busy and English wasn’t her first language, I didn’t chase her and she apologised and contacted me the week of the party - acknowledging her lateness etc

Sharpbridge · 27/02/2023 23:35

Is very rude not to RSVP.

Isn’t particularly rude to not go.

Sceptre86 · 28/02/2023 08:59

I work weekends which means dh has all 3 kids. I had an appointment which meant my son couldn't go to one party and we text the parents to let them know. For another party dh asked if he would be able to drop dd1 off as he would have the other kids with him and couldn't stay. The parents said it was fine (7th birthday party and kids are starting to be dropped off).

We like the kids to go to parties they seem to enjoy them but if they fall on my working day it depends if the child invited can be dropped off. Our son is 5 and the expectation around here is that parents stay for the party which would mean he can't go. They invitations are usually stuffed at the bottom of their bags and only found because I check their school bags when I'm filling their snack bag.

Are you annoyed by the lack of rsvp or that some people just don't take their kids along?

PanettoneMoly · 28/02/2023 09:47

I didn’t go to many kids parties when I was little. I remember going to a handful and having just one of my own - there were lots of invitations but my mum would say we couldn’t go, often as “my Granny was coming round that day” so the invitations petered out after a while.

Given my Granny lived 5 mins down the road and did after-school childcare for me during the week, on balance I really could have skipped a probably-non-existent weekend visit 🤨

In hindsight, my mum probably had (and still has) anxiety issues which ultimately meant she didn’t want to put herself through it so I didn’t get to go. Just means now, with 2 year old DD, I’m pretty much as excited as she is to attend a “happy birthday party” and I’ll make every effort to take her to as many as I can/she wants to go to.

Just writing that down now makes me feel really sad for Little Panettone and what she (I realise I’m now talking in the 3rd person…) missed out on 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oohhhh · 28/02/2023 09:51

Why do you keep inviting if you know they don't RSVP or turn up?

Vegrocks · 28/02/2023 10:14

JaniceBattersby · 27/02/2023 23:21

My second eldest has a really good friend, lovely kid, in his class who he has invited to every birthday party since he was 2. They’re 10 now. The kid’s mother has not once acknowledged the invitation, including this year’s where he was one of only 3 kids invited to a bloody expensive escape room. I sent out a paper invite then texted her and said we’d pick him up from home and drop him back but she didn’t even reply to that. She went to school with my husband so we know she has no SEN that are major enough to stop her replying. She’s just ignorant. The child has never been to a single birthday party of any child in the entire time they’ve been at school.

The kid is lovely. I’ve told my son to invite someone else as it’s always the same but he says he doesn’t want him to feel sad. When he asks him why he’s not coming he just says his mum won’t let him.

Do you ever see her in person?

have there ever been any play dates between the two?

Vegrocks · 28/02/2023 10:15

She went to school with my husband so we know she has no SEN that are major enough to stop her replying.

I very much doubt your husband, as a child, decades ago, would have been able to identify this for sure

JaniceBattersby · 28/02/2023 13:37

Vegrocks · 28/02/2023 10:14

Do you ever see her in person?

have there ever been any play dates between the two?

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I see her very occasionally but her son mostly walks home alone or she sits in the car and he goes out to her. Not a single play date between him and anyone in the class in five years!

She had friends who she sometimes chats to at the gate but their kids are in different year groups. It’s all a bit odd.

Vegrocks · 28/02/2023 13:59

JaniceBattersby · 28/02/2023 13:37

I see her very occasionally but her son mostly walks home alone or she sits in the car and he goes out to her. Not a single play date between him and anyone in the class in five years!

She had friends who she sometimes chats to at the gate but their kids are in different year groups. It’s all a bit odd.

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So she sounds very much withdrawn.

just leave her alone!

why continue to pester year after year? Send the invite so the boy knows he’s invited. And then leave it. This has happened 5 times… let it go

Vegrocks · 28/02/2023 14:40

My mistake

8 years!!

Brezel · 28/02/2023 15:00

I’m sure I have been guilty of this in the past. Checked DS school bag seen an invite asked him if he wants to go, he says no, I mean to text them but completely forget. I understand that it’s rude not to reply but surely if someone hasn’t replied you can assume they’re not coming. Luckily he’s older now and whole class parties don’t happen anymore. I never understood them and never had one for either of my DC. We moved from overseas and DS went straight into reception year, the first party he was invited to I just dropped him off checked with the child’s parent it was ok and left. It was only when I went to pick him up I heard other parents complaining about another parent who had dropped and left that I realised it wasn’t ok!!

bloodyplanes · 28/02/2023 15:07

Imo its the height of rudeness to not RSVP, simply very bad manners! If they don't want to attend thats up to them!

VeraMay · 23/07/2023 18:01

This brings back memories. I got so fed up with no reply, no shows etc. My DD's 5th Birthday I gave out invitations. Most replied, several couldn't come. One didn't reply at all. That left just 4 children so we changed the plan. I took the 4 of them to the swimming pool and a Mum came too. Back home for Birthday tea and cake to find out from husband that the no reply child had been round 3 times.
Child missed out because of her parent's lack of communication.
The story has been told many a time and none of my DDs' have had a no reply or no show since then.