For telling DH to suck it up??

[SeriouslyCinnamon]

So, I've recently accepted a job offer. I've been on mat leave since May last year but I really need to get back to work for financial reasons. My previous job was only a temp contract so I wasn't kept on after mat leave sadly. This new job is perfect in terms of hours as we won't need childcare as my hours work around DHs (I'll be doing evenings/nights and weekends whereas DH works 6am - 2pm in the week). We have two DCs who are 3 and 7 months.

However, as part of this job I will be required to work 1 or 2 night shifts a week, normally 5/6pm - 1/2am. I am happy to do these but DH has kicked up a fuss, claiming it's unfair to get up for work at 5am if he's been up with DC in the night. Our eldest sleeps through but the baby does wake at least once or twice a night. So far I have done 95% of the nights (baby is breastfed but does take a bottle fine) but obviously this will have to change when I go back to work. Am I being harsh for telling him he needs to suck it up and that plenty of parents have to go to work when they've been up in the night with DC? His job isn't dangerous and he doesn't operate machinery or drive to work. Just infuriated as I think he's being childish and selfish but he can't see it!

It does sound tough I have to say. He'd do a full day at work come home, take over 2 kids for their dinner, bath, bed then tend to any night waking in the night then up at 5am/6am to go to work. If you're coming in at 2am and he's just got the baby settled you could possibly wake them again.
It doesn't sound easy for you either op. You won't be getting much sleep.
If you're paying for 2 days nursery so you can sleep why do you not just work those 2 days anyway?

I seriously can not believe some of what I'm reading! There are MANY parents - both mums and dads - that have to work when they've been up with their children in the night.

I thought my now 4YO would never sleep through (actually still doesn't as gets up to go to the toilet in the night once or twice and will not go alone) and I've have to deal with it all because my DH works shifts and then go to work and then repeat the next night.

I actually think that you are being incredibly sensible and practical to find a job which allows you as a family to benefit from as much of the salary as possible - especially in these troubling times. PT working when you have to first pay out for childcare is ridiculous.

We tag teamed childcare and work shifts when dd was younger. I did a split shifts of mornings and evenings, with a long gap in the afternoon/early evening before dd went to bed. Dh worked a standard 9-5 type pattern. We had a wonderful nanny for a few hours each morning and managed the rest between us. Yes, we were a bit like passing ships in the night for a few years, but it was fine and it enabled both of us to build strong relationships with our dd. We saved on childcare costs so we were able to afford really good quality care for the hours that we used. And I really didn't feel that I was missing out on time with dd despite working full time as the main breadwinner, because I was with her from noon until bedtime every working day.

When dd was a bit older, I switched back to a standard working pattern and DH did nights for a while. It meant that I could drop her at school in the mornings and he could pick her up. Again, it worked for us at the time and it fitted in with our priorities as a family. DH wasn't working every day, and we still had plenty of time as a couple and as a family.

I think you can make it work if you want to, and it doesn't have to have a detrimental impact on family life. However, both partners do have to be on board and agree to pull their weight.

Yes I can imagine 'my husband took this new job, just went ahead with it, going to effect me then had the hide to tell me to suck it up I am really angry AIBU'

No it’s not always the woman 🙄
My DH was a SAHD for years and when he went to work PT he did his hours during school hours.

Oh jesus christ, onna.

There’s a difference between who does what when one is on maternity leave vs when you go back to work. You are assuming what was during maternity leave he will insist on when the OP goes back to work. Secondly, he has a point that the night shifts are an issue. Thirdly, there are other problems with this schedule that many of us are pointing out that need to be considered.

The 3yo would be free. It’s alot of money, but OP says they have it.

Me too. If my DH had picked a job like this when he went back to work from being a SAHD I would have kicked up a fuss. It’s not a good work pattern for a family at all.

Oh I do beg your pardon

In 99% of situations where a woman is going back into the workforce after maternity leave, it will be her that has to compromise. And even then, the primary earner for the household - i.e. her husband - will still take issue with it.

As it happens my husband has just gone back to work after a decade of being a SAHD. I've always been the primary earner. But after our children were born, I went back with altered hours meaning I had to work every Saturday (rather than Mon-Fri) because his work wouldn't allow an alteration because of childcare needs. In our case, nothing to do with him - but yes, I was expected to compromise and ask for the flexi working request.

Why are you some of you kicking off about it being a bad working pattern? Working patterns and even employers don't have to last forever. Loads of people make sacrifices so as not to have to pay for childcare. This is just a variation.