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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Balls in garden

78 replies

SparklingPinot · 25/02/2023 22:00

Another balls in garden thread It’s a long-ish one, apologies.

DH & I have lived in our house, happily, for 10 x years. For the past 5 of those years we have had to deal with almost constant balls being kicked over into our garden from the house behind, and as their DC get older these are being kicked into our garden with increasing force (on an average summers day a min 10 x balls will come over which I’ll go out and throw back over…another 10 or so will come over, so on and so forth).

If we do not throw them over they will come into our garden and take them, which we have caught them doing and asked them not to, but suspect they still do on occasion.

It has got a bit ridiculous at times and we have suggested they consider a net to stop the issue but they have said they got a quote and it’s far too expensive.

DH has always been extremely chilled, says it’s kids playing & takes a lot to bother him. Until now…

Fast forward to now & we have a toddler, & we have just completed an extension, & are finalising our garden. Funnily enough, whilst the works were being done, no balls have been coming into our garden, but as the builders and heavy machinery in our back garden has left, so begins the balls once again.
We will shortly have a useable garden (which we haven’t had for some time due to works) and as the weather gets nicer I am genuinely concerned for the safety of my DC in the garden with the strength at which the balls are being kicked in once again (it’s not a huge garden - think standard semi, and we’ve extended so the gardens even smaller).

We’ve asked recently, in the context of what we were doing, for them to contribute towards the fence between our properties (not in a great state because of the balls) which they said no to.

I am now wondering where to go from here as new fence is shortly going in at our expense, but as the weather gets better the balls are only going to get worse. I’m mindful I don’t want to start any neighbour disputes but I’m wondering if anyone knows what our legal rights are (I know we always have to return the ball 🙄) & can advise really where to go from here…

I should add that on weekends balls are being kicked over (and against the fence) often until 21h/22h , meaning that I’m forced to have my toddler childs bedroom in our front, tiny, box room, rather than the much larger back bedroom (this wasn’t an issue as a baby but as DC has started to grow & get more stuff I could do with putting them in the larger bedroom but
am 100% certain that the shrieks and repeated bangs of balls being kicked against walls & fences would keep them awake).

AIBU to think that neighbour should do something to prevent the onslaught of balls & allow us to enjoy our garden with our new(ish) DC in relative peace and quiet?!

OP posts:
Soapyspuds · 25/02/2023 22:07

Throw them back as soon as they come over. Into every other garden but theirs.

That will learn them.

Vitriolinsanity · 26/02/2023 11:47

Well, you've been reasonable so now you're going to have to not be reasonable.

Every ball that comes over gets taken in. Every week they go out with the bins.
Nope, you haven't seen them, they must have miskicked elsewhere.

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 26/02/2023 11:51

This is really simple: stop throwing them back and pop them.

So sure, they can come into your garden to get their balls back, but they then can’t play with them.

I don’t know why you’ve allowed this to go on for so long.

Grumpybutfunny · 26/02/2023 11:53

Just put DC in the back bedroom and they will likely sleep through it. How old is DC I hate to say but if they are such light sleeper they maybe don't need as much sleep as you would like, DS she 9 goes up between 9-10pm and is up again at 7 or earlier if I put him to bed before 9 I would likely see him again at 5am!

Be careful what battles you pick especially as you also have a child who will want to play in the garden as they get older whilst the neighbours kid get older and don't.

I would take the balls over our neighbours trampoline (we have a springless one which is so much quieter than there's). Why don't you teach DC to chuck them back or let the kids come and get them.

Zebratan · 26/02/2023 11:56

Throw them back as soon as they come over. Into every other garden but theirs.

That will learn them.

Haha, best suggestion, do this ^

Bunnyishotandcross · 26/02/2023 11:59

Ime deflate the balls then throw them back. When they realise they need to inflate every time they will take more care.. Or get a ddog and let it loose on the balls.

mumof31968 · 26/02/2023 11:59

They is 2 kids who constantly kick there footballs against my drive gates and torment my dog. So I said to them any more balls that comes over I'm gonna pop them. Not had any since

Incognito2023 · 26/02/2023 12:02

An occasional ball is acceptable, 10+ in a day is not.

Even if you pay for a net to go the top of your fence, it won’t stop them kicking the ball against their side of your new fence - this is totally unacceptable for older kids/teens to do this.

Maybe they could start being ‘accidentally’ damaged (ie/ punctured) when they come over…? Before you throw them back? Alternate ones to start with, more if it doesn’t improve…
(Can you leave a small pile of builders debris near the end of your garden for a while that their balls ‘must’ be landing on until they get the message and start being more careful?)

UserNameSameGame · 26/02/2023 12:03

I agree - either don’t give the balls back, or give them back deflated.

IAmMeThisIsI · 26/02/2023 12:06

This happened to us years ago. We ended up just taking the balls indoors and blanking any knocking/kids looking. In the end we had a cupboard full of balls lol. We gave them all away to the local child's football community club. It stopped because I assume their parents were sick of buying new balls!

oioimatey · 26/02/2023 12:08

Have you spoken to the parents next door?

I agree that you shouldn't throw them back. You don't want your toddler being hit, nor would you want a glass of wine or cup of coffee being knocked over (and probably smashed).

Put them in a bin bag and then take them to the parents at the end of the weekend.

DramaLlama20 · 26/02/2023 12:16

IAmMeThisIsI · 26/02/2023 12:06

This happened to us years ago. We ended up just taking the balls indoors and blanking any knocking/kids looking. In the end we had a cupboard full of balls lol. We gave them all away to the local child's football community club. It stopped because I assume their parents were sick of buying new balls!

Do this absolutely 💯

AnotherSpare · 26/02/2023 12:24

How are they getting into your garden themselves? I'd do something about that first, secure your fence enough that no one can get into your garden without knocking on your front door first.

What are the parents like - approachable? I'd be tempted to go around and speak to them, explaining how your been considerate about the balls coming into your garden for years because you understand kids will be kids, and no doubt you'll find yourself in the same situation in a few years to come (keeping it lighthearted), but then I'd make it absolutely clear that if a ball coming into your garden injures your toddler then the police will be called.

Botw1 · 26/02/2023 12:28

Put spikes on the top of your fence and bin any balls that come over

ChickenDhansak82 · 26/02/2023 12:33

Suggestions:

  1. Hide the ball as soon as it comes over and deny all knowledge of it.
  2. Throw it over another fence and pretend you haven't seen it.
  3. Install a fence that they cannot climb over with perhaps some trellis on top.
  4. Grow a VERY spiky anti climb bush next to the fence. We have one and it is a nightmare for puncturing footballs, but at least no one will ever climb over the fence.
KenAddams · 26/02/2023 12:40

I remember this used to happen and my dad told them if one more ball came over the fence he would put. Knife in it lol soon stopped after the first ball got stabbed and thrown back burst haha

OhmygodDont · 26/02/2023 12:46

Take all balls in. At most give then back once a month. This way you are not stealing the balls or Damaging the balls just holding them till a set date each month where you are willing to give them back.

If you have a dog don’t worry about letting it chew them up that’s their problem not yours. Any balls that do actually cause damage and harm I would report since this is an on going issue.

GoodChat · 26/02/2023 13:07

Soapyspuds · 25/02/2023 22:07

Throw them back as soon as they come over. Into every other garden but theirs.

That will learn them.

I actually think this is a good idea.

Don't burst the balls - that's never going to do down well.

Also consider that in another 5 or 6 years your DC might be kicking balls into their garden so you don't want to make enemies.

Cherrysoup · 26/02/2023 13:13

Secure the garden so they can’t access it. Don’t throw back balls and deny all knowledge.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 26/02/2023 13:16

When you put the fence in, if it is the sort that has a 'wrong way round' and a 'right way round' face the side that hasn't got horizontal stays to them, so there's nowhere to put their foot down on to climb over. Trellis with thorny plants on the top. Disappear the balls when they arrive, deny all knowledge.

LaughingCat · 26/02/2023 13:27

sighs

I was so hoping this was a ‘nekkid neighbours’ thread.

Sad times when I can’t get any Sunday afternoon titillation.

Pretty sure your kid will sleep through the balls coming over. Go round and ask them nicely to kick the other way, anyway (I wouldn’t be upset if someone came round and asked me this, ninety degrees round and it’s someone else’s problem!). Higher fence. Hedge is a nice way of stopping them climbing over to get them back. Don’t give the balls back or claim not to be able to find them (are you sure it came over this way…?).

It must feel relentless if there’s that many but I think I’d be more like your other half, just not that bothered. It’s just kids being kids, and having no control over force, velocity or accuracy!

pingugopoo · 26/02/2023 13:32

My DS has outgrown this phase mostly now, but I'm so glad our neighbours have been lovely about it. We ended up getting one of those really long poles for propping your washing line up and attaching a kids fishing net to the end of it. Our garden has neighbours each side but at the bottom there are 4 other gardens that back on (we are on the curve of a crescent). It was quite easy to immediately fish the majority balls out again. Our neighbours would often see us fishing for balls in their garden and we're all very kind.

I don't think you have a ball problems so much as a neighbour who doesn't really care about those around them. Their kid will grow out of the ball stage soon and you will be suffering with loud music in the summer, then it will progress to the smell of weed probably. I would try and address it from a long term perspective, we want to get along, how can we make this work...kind of approach. Have a conversation about the kids and plans for this summer, share your summer plans etc and mention from there how best to manage the balls coming over. You can then let them know you are worried and see whether they are reasonable at all. Good luck.

Whammyyammy · 26/02/2023 13:33

Our neighbours lad done this a few times, but comes round to ask for it politely.

But on 3 occasions in a row, my 2 huskies got the ball and punctured/ripped them up.

We did buy him a replacement after the 3rd, which he was thankful for, but has learnt not to kick them over or they will be shredded.

2bazookas · 26/02/2023 13:43

When we had that problem I warned the ball owners that our dogs would eagerly grab and bite the balls with their huge teeth.
It only took a few punctured balls for the message to sink in.

Totalwasteofpaper · 26/02/2023 13:53

Your neighbours and their kids dont give a shit.
You cant reason with that.
They need consequences or you eill never be able.to enjoy your garden.

  • Standard height fence with anti climb paint ALL over back fence so when the little turds try to climb over (& damage your fence) there are consequences for them and the parents (via their ruined clothes)
  • when they come over deny knowledge if asked and say if must be in neighbours gardens. If the kids say they saw it go in yours say it must have bounced out. Destroy all the balls and smile in their face politely.
If they get aggresive explain you have always been a good neighbour and returned the balls why would you suddenly change? They need to speak to the other neighbours and stop harassing you when youve done nothing wrong. The parents will stop this shit when its costing £50 a week in balls.