To ask if you can beat this Seventh Circle of Hell day out (lighthearted)

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

We decided this weekend we’d take the kids (6&9) to a water park in a tourist area. It has a limitation on spaces and sessions lasts for 3 hours. So we thought “Oh good it won’t be too busy”. Foolish, naive idiots that we are.

If you’ve ever seen that Diary of a Wimpy Kid scene where they go to a busy pool - think that x 1000. And with beer bellies. And plasters floating around.

It was SO busy, we could barely move. There was one of those lazy rivers that push you along. During which, we had several children smash into to us, vice versa, I also got several smacks in the face by pairs of feet in rubber rings and, at one point, it was so busy a strange man’s dirty toe nail got momentarily stuck in my arsehole.

The wave machine would have been great if it didn’t involve far too many people bobbing around in far too close proximity, like turds in a blocked toilet.

A wait for rides were 30 minutes. We went on a few, after which DS (6) would laugh As I unlocked wedgies from my bum. We then saw an unusual amount of women in thong bikinis at which one point DS said in his foghorn voice “that lady needs to pick her costume out her bum like you did mummy” 🙄

Families thinking their splash fights were just SO much fun the 75 people bobbing around them didn’t mind getting splashed in the face.

DH and I looked at each other and said “WTF are we doing here” and left an hour early, lying to the kids that the 3 hours were up 😂

Now skin is burning from too much chlorine, we have various bumps and bruises between us and we are £100 down. £100, all to be sodomised by a filthy toe.

And yea I know it was always gonna be busy on a weekend but I didn’t expect total human carnage.

Can you share with me your Family Day out from Hell stories to make me feel better please.

Hell Is other people.
Double hell is toenails and other people.

I thank you for your service. For enduring so none of us have to.

Well done for living to tell the tale.

£100, all to be sodomised by a filthy toe.

Ah, cheap at twice the price.

I also immediately thought of Splashdown…mainly because my toe also sodomised some poor lady on the lazy river rapid thingy there, leaving both of us traumatised.

To be fair @TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl don't you feel ust the tiniest bit sorry for the bloke who ended up with his toe up your rectum?

He's going to have to saw it off with whatever semi sharp implement he can lay his hand on.

Sounds horrific!

As it wasn't me doing it I have to say it gave me a laugh

This has made my day. Thank you for suffering for our entertainment.

Would you rather …..have wrinkled verruca feet slap you in the face multiple times or get a strangers dirty toenail stuck up your arsehole, albeit momentarily?

I really can’t decide!

Oh, this reminds me of taking dS in the campsite swimming pool when he was little. 2 parts water, 3 parts piss and 4 parts chlorine. I thought I was out of the woods when the bruises from being kicked in the head by 4 year olds were healing, but then came the ear infection.

you’ve learned your lesson now.

It wasn’t Splashland it was Sandcastle in Blackpool. Definitely not outing because 100,000,000 people were there at various points today. Grim.

The funny thing is we had time to kill beforehand so went to the arcades. £40 later and the kids could only buy a squishy toy each with their winning tickets. And we said “Wow that was hell but hey at least we will have fun at Sandcastle”.

Is it possible to judge yourself for your own stupidity?

I reckon there is some bloke on Reddit complaining about where his poor innocent toe ended up

well written OP.

and thank you for warning me.

Nope. You win

But I did get mortified at a museum today when my 2 year old decided to poop ( thank god for nappy pants) in a relatively small room. The smell just hit me in the face and the other people in the room looked horrified. Thank goodness the toilets were nearby!
I carried him out of there as quick as I could whilst he was chanting no nappy!

Blackpool 🤮

You went to Blackpool. How was your day ever going to be any different? 😂

At first read I thought it was a loose toenail that was somehow jet-streamed up your arse and I was wondering how you knew it was a man’s.
And when I found out the toenail was attached to a foot I couldn’t work out whether to feel relieved or to double down on the yuk.

please go on some more days out and report back. Can I suggest you visit Southend next? (Apologies to residents of Southend)

And also thank you for reminding me about childhood trips to Rhyl Sun Centre.

My most embarrassing moment was Disney World with my elderly parents a few years ago after the US had had a spate of bombings and my Dad started talking about bombs and guns in the security queue! The queue was visibly moving as far away from him as possible without actually kicking him out! I had to have stern words and he said, in his loudest voice, "but I was joking, do Americans not have a sense of humour!" If the ground had opened up I would have jumped in!

Yep, same here and DS got bitten by someone in the lazy river too - we could clearly see the top and lower jaw marks on his arm.

Hahaha! Brilliant day out! Good work!

A strange man’s dirty toe nail got momentarily stuck in my arsehole.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 OMG can’t breathe!

I've decided that I hate theme parks and waterparks unless they're quiet, which I've never experienced yet

MissPoldark I reckon at places like that, you could have both

About 30 years ago, I took my son and 2 of his friends to The Sand Castle, I have never made a return visit.

I just knew you were going to say Sandcastle! 🤮 end of Cumbrian half term won’t have helped either! Well done OP, it’s over now!

You just about summed up my afternoon at Butlin's yesterday (except for the toe!). My highlight was when the complete wideboy a*hole that had loudly queue barged his way to the waterslide walked through a fresh pile of warm poolside vomit 🤢 that the inept lifeguards were failing to deal with!