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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DSS being a brat

61 replies

Mavis93 · 25/02/2023 21:05

So back story I have a DS who is 10 with a January birthday so often has no ideas for presents so often wants money to put away and get things during the year. DSD has a June birthday so often has ideas for presents so while has money no where near as much as DS (they all get the same set budget). DSS also has broken one and lost a switch so wanted new ones of our his money during the years which has taken a good chunk of his money.
today DS decided he wanted to buy a PS5 with his own money- all fine that’s his money and he paid for it. DSS has stropped and moaned all day, ringing his mum who has now kicked off that we are being unfair on her child. We have explained to both we didn’t pay and he is welcome to save up but we won’t buy it- DSS has been a brat about it all day being nasty to my DSS and sat glaring at me while on the phone to his mum.
DH says to ignore but I feel his rude behaviour deserves consequences AIBU for thinking this or is DH right

OP posts:
Original poster
Mavis93 · 25/02/2023 21:09

DSS not DSD

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 25/02/2023 21:10

This child needs a serious talking to. It’s absolutely disgraceful that his mother is reinforcing his feelings!

Your partner should be doing something more here as the kid is impacting on your whole house over an issue that quite frankly should be a non issue!!!

HorseyMel · 25/02/2023 21:13

One of the complications of raising other people's kids, I guess.

Original poster
Mavis93 · 25/02/2023 21:14

I also have an older DS (12) who has a January birthday too but tends to spend money fast but fully appreciated his brother likes to save and understands (and even tried to tell DSS) it’s completely fair and up to my youngest DS what his money goes on.

OP posts:
SalmonEile · 25/02/2023 21:38

What did DSS get for Christmas,
has he ever expressed wanting a ps5
does his mother expect you to buy her son a ps5?

I think it’s a lesson for DSS to learn , maybe his dad could remind him that he got X Y and Z for Christmas and that your DS just got money and money again for his birthday so it’s his birthday and Christmas present together

SalmonEile · 25/02/2023 21:40

Also how old is DSS , do the boys get along?
Does he understand the value of money - he’s had 3 switches?

Original poster
Mavis93 · 25/02/2023 21:43

So from maybe 3-4 birthdays and some Christmas presents from family my son had around £850 saved. For Christmas DSS wanted money but spent it all in 2 days o. Switch games, is also into expensive football kits etc that neither of my DS are.
for context he has a PS4 that his dad gave him as DH got a 5 over a year ago and my sons had a PS4 that they shared for a number of years as a joint present

OP posts:
Original poster
Mavis93 · 25/02/2023 21:45

DSS is also 10 so the exact same age as my youngest DS. He has a habit of not looking after stuff and the rule is is if it you don’t look after it we do not replace hence why he is on his 3rd- 1St one he snuck to school in bag and went missing the second one he wedged between mattress and metal bed and forgot and jumped on the bed breaking it

OP posts:
DaveyJonesLocker · 25/02/2023 21:46

How old is he?

It is very bratty behaviour that I'd expect from a very young child. I'd just be shutting it down with "if you want one, save up and buy one like DS did."

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/02/2023 21:48

Horrible behaviour which his dad should be dealing with. Not easy if his mum is grabby pain in the arse but he’s not going to turn into a decent human being unless one of his parents actively helps him.

DaveyJonesLocker · 25/02/2023 21:49

His absolute lack of respect for stuff shows someone is just buying him new shit constantly. He needs to learn this lesson. Three fucking switches. What a waste of money.

monomatapea · 25/02/2023 21:50

His mum is encouraging him.

Just look at the long game. Your kid will know fairness , hers will just have a sense of entitlement

monomatapea · 25/02/2023 21:51

Going forward I would get them one of those ledger books each then they can see exactly how much they had been given for birthdays and where they are spending it

Changechangechanging · 25/02/2023 21:54

It’s absolutely disgraceful that his mother is reinforcing his feelings!

It is probably fair to say mum hasn't been told either the full truth or full story.

Tangelablue · 25/02/2023 21:56

I think your DH is right, you have explained that Ds bought it with his own money so just don't engage with him. If he starts going on about it, change the subject, blank him, walk out the room. If mum wants him to have one, she can buy him one.
Your Ds sounds very sensible, hopefully DSS will manage his money better in the future.

Original poster
Mavis93 · 25/02/2023 21:57

I actually already keep paper in there money and write money in and money out after a last year him insisting he had more money then was in his wallet- so he can see exactly what he has spent money on.
As both me and DH work in half decent jobs and his ex doesn’t (her partner does) she thinks we should fund/ buy everything regardless and this is a constant on going battle

OP posts:
evtheria · 25/02/2023 21:57

Three switches?!! Wow.

Original poster
Mavis93 · 25/02/2023 22:00

His mother has clearly been told that this is years of saving from birthdays and minimal spending by DSS hence why my other son want not bought one and neither was a second controller as it was a sole purchase by my DSS and apart from driving him to the shop was solely completed by him- she feels regardless it’s unfair for DSS to see my DS gets something like that and not get the same

OP posts:
ThereIbledit · 25/02/2023 22:03

To her - tough titty.

To the DSS he can sit there with a sour face all he likes.

ItchyBillco · 25/02/2023 22:40

Your little son sounds like a savvy saver. Good for him. I hope his spoilt step brother hasn’t ruined his big purchase.

takealettermsjones · 25/02/2023 23:27

It's definitely not unfair in the slightest and his mum sounds like hard work.

But... saving doesn't come naturally to everyone and children need to be actively taught about this stuff. Yes he is 10 now but you said this was three years' worth of savings for your DS. If he's naturally more of a spender than a saver, your DSS probably didn't have the foresight at 7 to realise that he could have a PS5 in three years' time if he saved up.

I'm not excusing breaking the Switches, not looking after his belongings, etc. He needs to understand this isn't okay and I absolutely agree with your rule about not replacing things.

But you could use this as a starting point for teaching him about savings and budgeting. E.g. ask him if he'd like some help in setting up regular savings, working out how long it would take to save up for X, etc.

LakieLady · 25/02/2023 23:47

I'm in awe of your son for being such a good saver at 10!

And DSS is behaving like a little git. He needs to take a leaf out of your DS's book, and learn to save for things he wants. He might take more care of them if he bought them out of his savings.

jimmyjammy001 · 26/02/2023 00:41

HorseyMel · 25/02/2023 21:13

One of the complications of raising other people's kids, I guess.

I Couldn't agree more, you get involved with someone who allready has children, this is exactly the tyres of things you have to deal with, kids don't understand fair, so you will need to treat them the same even if one has saved up and the other hasn't

hourbyhour101 · 26/02/2023 00:51

@jimmyjammy001 Couldn't agree more, you get involved with someone who allready has children, this is exactly the tyres of things you have to deal with, kids don't understand fair, so you will need to treat them the same even if one has saved up and the other hasn't

Erm no you do exactly what would happen in a nuclear family and one of the siblings is a saver and one is a spender. You would do sorry x saved up his money and you had exactly the same and spent it.

Just because you date someone with kids doesn't mean you turn into a doormat and have to shell out money just because. I would probably have more sympathy if the kid hasn't broken/lost 3 switches and showed some type of care for his belongings.

Really weird thought process to me here tbh 😵‍💫

Liorae · 26/02/2023 01:00

jimmyjammy001 · 26/02/2023 00:41

I Couldn't agree more, you get involved with someone who allready has children, this is exactly the tyres of things you have to deal with, kids don't understand fair, so you will need to treat them the same even if one has saved up and the other hasn't

Show quote history

You are incredibly wrong. It's time to teach your kids what fair actually means.

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