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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it okay to leave a child in the car to pop into a shop?

167 replies

loveisanumber · 25/02/2023 19:47

Local mum.

She has a baby/toddler who's recently celebrated her 1st birthday.

I've noticed on a few occasions now that she leaves the baby in the car whilst she pops into the chemist for prescriptions, pops into the little Tesco for a few bits etc.

Most of the time she's roughly a few minutes but the reason I'm starting this thread is because today she was talking to me whilst waiting for a prescription. We were standing there for a good 15 minutes before her name was called because mine was called just before

When I was walking by me said bye again, she opened the car door to get in and was saying 'It's okay darling, I'm back' and I heard the baby crying

AIBU to think it's wrong?

OP posts:
PinkButtercups · 25/02/2023 22:30

@red78hot Don't be silly. You can't compare leaving your child in a car to leaving your child in a room whilst you go to toilet under the same roof. Because you're there.

I think you're just out for an argument and tbh it's getting boring now. I have my opinion and you have yours.

Shall we just leave it there shall we?

red78hot · 25/02/2023 22:32

PinkButtercups · 25/02/2023 22:30

@red78hot Don't be silly. You can't compare leaving your child in a car to leaving your child in a room whilst you go to toilet under the same roof. Because you're there.

I think you're just out for an argument and tbh it's getting boring now. I have my opinion and you have yours.

Shall we just leave it there shall we?

Fine, but I can see the car from the shop doorway I'm stood in, however I cant see him when I'm upstairs, I'm done GOODBYE!

Norwen · 25/02/2023 22:34

How is one meant to balance the risk that whilst they pop into the petrol station, their car spontaneously combusts with their children inside, against the risk that the petrol station is held up by armed robbers and their children are accidentally killed in the crossfire? What if a drunk driver swerves across the forecourt, I'd far rather my children were strapped into their car seats in the car, then toddling across the forecourt at that moment. What if passerby knocks a large bottle of wine, onto my child as I pass the refrigerators in my way to pay, and they sustain a serious injury?

I hope that people extremely concerned with what ifs, rear face their children for as long as possible. It's a much more important discussion than this one for children's safety in cars.

red78hot · 25/02/2023 22:35

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 25/02/2023 21:59

Oh hooray the “don’t leave your children in the car in a petrol station in case of a random fire” crew are out in force.

Far, far more dangerous to lug children across a busy forecourt than to leave them in the car where you can see them for a couple of minites

PinkButtercups will disagree 😅

Edthehorse · 25/02/2023 22:36

I'd say the risk of a car spontaneously bursting into flames is probably less than the risk of a drug addled gunman holding up a pharmacy...neither are probable by the way!

GettingItOutThere · 25/02/2023 22:37

honestly no. never. I do not see the point when it takes 30 seconds to get them in and out the car and keep them safer with you?

Just lazy neglectful parent in the OP that you have seen

PinkButtercups · 25/02/2023 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Edthehorse · 25/02/2023 22:38

Oops cross posted! But yeah...ridiculous whatifery going on on this thread and obviously also in many posters heads

PinkButtercups · 25/02/2023 22:38

GettingItOutThere · 25/02/2023 22:37

honestly no. never. I do not see the point when it takes 30 seconds to get them in and out the car and keep them safer with you?

Just lazy neglectful parent in the OP that you have seen

Yep! 100% agree.

red78hot · 25/02/2023 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I'm not petty, I can see the car, end of.

PinkButtercups · 25/02/2023 22:40

@red78hot Okay 🥱

Ilovechocolate87 · 25/02/2023 22:40

I have often left my two young children in the car and nipped into a shop if I can park right outside (mostly where i can see the car) and know I will be 5 mins or less, other than when they were newborns.I would never do it for 15 mins though, and would also never do it on a hot summers day even with the windows open, just too risky.

I do tend to crack the window open slightly each time whatever, as i have a vague worry in the back of my head that if i collapsed or something in those few mins nobody would know they were there or would be able to hear them crying/calling for help (probably quite unlikely scenario, but was washing the car once with baby asleep and was suprised at how i couldn't hear her crying at all through the shut window, even standing right near it)

Like PP said it can be a nightmare if you have a car seat resister trying to get them in and out lots, especially when you're in a rush.I also do it when dropping the oldest off at school if I can quickly run across and come straight back, and park the car in sight.

I used to work in a nursery where you parked on the road, went up a path, in a gate then up another path and around a corner into a building, so a long way from the car.Sometimes parents would rush in and out (or not) and comment 'come on let's go I've got 'X' (younger sibling) in the car and I would think 'goodness that's abit irresponsible, as it was way out of their view, but I think people do stuff like this more than others realise, maybe just don't readily admit to it.

A mum told me once she left her toddler asleep in bed whilst she went on the school run, to which I was pretty shocked!

listmaker1981 · 25/02/2023 22:42

I think it's fine. I also think it's her decision not yours or anyone else's

Notsurenotquiteright · 25/02/2023 22:43

I don’t even leave my 15 month old in the car while I pay for petrol.
of she is asleep when we get home I am sitting on the drive with her.
good thing about having a mobile

listmaker1981 · 25/02/2023 22:47

red78hot · 25/02/2023 22:25

Suppose I'm a bad mum for going for a piss while he's in the living room asleep fucks sake , 🥱

Show quote history

😂

StarDolphins · 25/02/2023 22:48

Jobalons · 25/02/2023 20:00

No tales seconds to break into a car, it takes seconds for a parked car to be hit, it takes only minit s for a car fire to start.

You get my drift, it's always the freak accidents and situations you never even considered.

parents don’t watch their child every single minute at home so if you really want to come up with tragic ‘what ifs’ then you could always find things! I have literally never heard of anyone breaking into a car to pinch a baby near a shop where there’s lots of people!

15 mins is way too long but popping for a fuel, a script where you can see them & get to them quickly, I would & have done this.

Pallisers · 25/02/2023 23:34

my kids are aged between 21 and 26.

When they were little I didn't leave them on their own in the car (or anywhere else). I thought that was the norm.

hmrcwoes · 25/02/2023 23:35

GettingItOutThere · 25/02/2023 22:37

honestly no. never. I do not see the point when it takes 30 seconds to get them in and out the car and keep them safer with you?

Just lazy neglectful parent in the OP that you have seen

Could you explain what witchcraft you do to get a child in/out of a car in 30 seconds!?

Pallisers · 25/02/2023 23:37

parents don’t watch their child every single minute at home

Yeah they kind of do. If your 18 month old is mobile and interested in everything then you either corral her in a place she can't do any harm or you watch her.

I find it funny that people on MN think it fine that a baby could cry for 15 minutes and that is fine if mum needed to run to the pharmacy but if you suggested sleep training, you'd be the devil incarnate

CorsicaDreaming · 25/02/2023 23:52

@Rellywobble - this was in France. Only 22C.
Most of July was 22C or well above in the UK last year. The RSPCA run campaigns about not even leaving dogs in hot cars because of how quickly they heat up. If this mum is doing it now, I doubt she will think "oh it's the summer, better stop now"

Don't tell people to "get a grip" when you don't know what you're talking about...

metro.co.uk/2022/07/23/baby-dies-in-hot-car-after-dad-forgets-to-drop-them-off-at-nursery-17056338/

Norwen · 26/02/2023 00:27

@CorsicaDreamingapologies, I'm not the person you were replying to but wanted to answer. That poor child (heaven forbid, what a terrible thing to happen) was accidentally left in a car for something like 8-9 hours in 22C. I personally don't think it is reasonable to extrapolate that to leaving a baby in a car for 15 minutes in the UK in February. I also think it is unfair to assume that the mum wouldn't behave differently on a hot day.

Better to deal with the actual risks of what actually happened and was observed. It may not be ideal parenting but the actual risks of what actually happened were minimal, not substantially different to countless infants screaming in their cots for 15 minutes while their harangued parents try to get a hold of their sanity - no doubt something that is happening all over the country right now as we have this discussion.

I believe there is a significant gap between ideal parenting and parenting that is so concerning it needs to be acted upon. This clearly doesn't meet the threshold for the latter in my opinion. Farfetched what-if scenarios (not that you personally have necessarily proposed any of these, I haven't followed the entire thread) could happen to any of us at virtually any time and aren't helpful for making decisions. In a discussion about safety, substantial, plausible and clearly avoidable risks are what matter. Eg I would say that extended rear facing car seats avoid/greatly reduce a plausible risk yet I would never "report" a parent who doesn't use them, not only because such a report would be completely futile but also because the risk actually isn't substantial enough (though it's much higher eg than a lunatic breaking into your car to abduct your children at the petrol station)

WandaWonder · 26/02/2023 00:31

I don't remember ever doing it but what do you want from this?

To you need to feel you are right? Do you want to say something to them? Report them? Need permission to feel better that you don't do it?

Sure topics of all sorts come up but when you pick on something of someone you know it feels like someone wants permission to judge (in general)

Mojoyoyo · 26/02/2023 00:34

@Jobalons
“Mad risks, yes leave an underaged child in a locked metal flammable container, full of fuel”

Wow…
Maybe we should stop driving lol 😆

Norwen · 26/02/2023 00:40

@WandaWonder I agree with this. Why not instead think empathetically about the reasons that mother may have taken that decision. Instead of "lazy" or uncaring. Maybe her daughter screams during car journeys, and had finally fallen asleep. Perhaps getting her out of the car seat would cause her to wake and cry inconsolably for a long time, so that on balance leaving her in the car caused her (or was likely to cause her) to cry less than waking her. Perhaps she did not realise it would take so long to collect her prescription, and didn't track the time because she's exhausted. Perhaps she would never normally leave her baby on the car for any length of time, but today was exceptional because of x, y, z.

Bepis · 26/02/2023 01:11

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair It was in relation to leaving something valuable and precious in a car unattended and in view of everyone.