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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about the lunch lady?

75 replies

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 25/02/2023 19:01

Twice this week DD has had her lunch swapped. The first time she said that's not what she normally has, and the lunch lady told her "well that's what your mum ordered". DD is very shy and quiet at school,especially around adults and left it at that . Didn't eat much as she didn't like the other option.

It wasn't what I ordered(and I never would have ordered it because I know she wouldn't eat it) and I have the proof on the app. While I was really annoyed she blamed me , it was mostly an oh well,mistakes happen situations, plus I know all too well how chaotic meal times at a school are.

Two days later it happened again, only this time she got the right order but then it was swapped with another child's and what they were having. Again an option that she doesn't like. DD says it's because the other child didn't like the other option either but they were happy to eat what DD was having so the lunch lady picked her to swap. DD didn't say much(if anything at all) , and I know this Is something I need to work on with her.

I don't know if it's pure coincidence or if she's being "targeted " because she'd never cause a fuss so she's the easy option when issues like these arise. Regardless I'm definitely not happy now, the meals are expensive enough, she barely ate on those days and felt uncomfortable and upset.

I want to complain to the school/teacher, OH says to drop it in case the lunch lady will start being to DD and it's not a big deal. I think it is, not just because I was blamed the first time and it's not fair for DD to have lunches swapped randomly, but the specific choices could be due to allergies,intolerances, interactions with meds or religious reasons. As it is, it's just because she's fussy but the lunch lady wouldn't know that on the spot.

By complain I don't mean go in guns blazing, just give an account of what happened,say I'm not happy with it and could please they just stick to the lunches I pick (and pay for) for DD.

I'm on the app so can't enable voting, but for ease:

YABU - it's not a big deal ,let it go.

YANBU - it is risky or at best not good practice, do conplain.

OP posts:
EmmaDilemma5 · 25/02/2023 19:05

YANBU.

Idontevenknow · 25/02/2023 19:05

YANBU

iwasthewalrus · 25/02/2023 19:08

Speak to the school office, it’s nothing to do with the teacher. A simple ‘Please could DD be given what I order as far as possible - one day she was told I ordered something and else and another day she was told to swap with a child who didn’t like theirs - thanks’ would be enough

SquigglePigs · 25/02/2023 19:09

YANBU once could be a misunderstanding but twice in a week and I'd have to say something. It's not fair on your DD to be left with a lunch she doesn't like just because someone thinks she's too nice/quiet to make a fuss.

BollocksToThem · 25/02/2023 19:09

I'd say something too. They need to get more organised, your poor little girl

Merlott · 25/02/2023 19:10

No don't drop it. It's not personal, it's a system that's clearly gone wrong and needs sorting. Take that angle

ScentOfAMemory · 25/02/2023 19:10

Mistakes happen. Mention it to the school.

jumperoozles · 25/02/2023 19:10

The first time sounds like an honest mistake, the second one sounds unacceptable if it was just swapped. I would go and talk to them. Also, I work in a school and I’ve never seen anyone be unkind to a child because a parent has complained. It would be completely unprofessional and called out so try not to worry about that.

AngelDelightUK · 25/02/2023 19:11

I’d definitely tell the school. It’s not on

PleasantZen · 25/02/2023 19:11

It doesn't need to be an official complaint. But I wouldn't definitely raise it with them. Just a simple my DD didn't get what she ordered was there a problem?

Theunamedcat · 25/02/2023 19:12

Raise it if you don't complain they will keep doing it

Emmamoo89 · 25/02/2023 19:13

YANBU X

TruffleShuffles · 25/02/2023 19:14

I’d definitely mention it, I’d make the allergy/dietary point too. As you say your daughter is just fussy but if this dinner lady chooses a child that has a specific food for a reason to swap there could be severe consequences.

Original poster
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 25/02/2023 19:15

Theunamedcat · 25/02/2023 19:12

Raise it if you don't complain they will keep doing it

That's my take as well.If she won't say anything and I don't either , odds are that it will keep happening and I don't think that's ok.

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 25/02/2023 19:17

Yanbu

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 19:17

You definitely need to speak to them.

soraya · 25/02/2023 19:18

YANBU - I know the stress. If you complain (in my case it was the primary school teacher - full time for the year and wife of headmaster!) you are worried that it will get worse for your child. Passing as quickly as poss over the 'they are picking on her' and making your point that 'mistakes' had happened twice in one week, child coming home hungry...and could they double check that she is getting the lunch ordered would be my first line of communication. They may then pick on someone else. If first line of communication doesn't work, you could always go in harder after.

FlickFlackTrap · 25/02/2023 19:19

YANBU. What’s the point in having an ordering system if they swap meals around?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 25/02/2023 19:25

As a former school meal coordinator, there is no excuse. Either the dinners are not being ordered with enough care, latecomers are not being allowed for correctly or something is wrong at the preparation stage.

In any case, this should not impact on your child and the meals that have been ordered. I suggest emailing the school, expressing the problem and making it clear that you will not be paying for meals that have not been ordered.

ChildminderMum · 25/02/2023 19:33

I wouldn't 'complain', but I'd definitely go in to the office and say there's been some confusion and your DD's lunch has been swapped, but she needs to be given what you've ordered. Make clear that she's not one to argue with an adult even if she's not happy.

If it happens after that, then I'd complain.

NewShoes · 25/02/2023 19:34

YANBU- definitely mention it.

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 19:34

OP is there a way to download the order and give her a printed copy to keep in her book bag or something so she can prove what was ordered without arguing?

barbiedinosaur · 25/02/2023 19:52

I work in a school and I would definitely advise that you say something. They may have made mistakes with the lunches and were just doing what they can in a stressful situation but it shouldn't be your daughter that has to take the brunt of that! At least if you raise it it will ensure it doesn't happen to her again.
We deal with much much worse from parents so trust me when I say this won't make an issue for you or your daughter going forward (as long as you don't go in screaming and shouting!). I've had parents scream in my face and become very aggressive (more often than people would think) and even in those cases I would never treat their child any differently. It's never their fault their parent is a dick!

ForestofD · 25/02/2023 19:54

My 1st thought was about allergies. You can't just swap a pre-chosen meal if the child has allergies/gluten free etc.

Cocobutt · 25/02/2023 19:55

I wouldn’t complain as such but I would speak to the school about it.

If it happens again then definitely complain.