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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about the lunch lady?

75 replies

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 25/02/2023 19:01

Twice this week DD has had her lunch swapped. The first time she said that's not what she normally has, and the lunch lady told her "well that's what your mum ordered". DD is very shy and quiet at school,especially around adults and left it at that . Didn't eat much as she didn't like the other option.

It wasn't what I ordered(and I never would have ordered it because I know she wouldn't eat it) and I have the proof on the app. While I was really annoyed she blamed me , it was mostly an oh well,mistakes happen situations, plus I know all too well how chaotic meal times at a school are.

Two days later it happened again, only this time she got the right order but then it was swapped with another child's and what they were having. Again an option that she doesn't like. DD says it's because the other child didn't like the other option either but they were happy to eat what DD was having so the lunch lady picked her to swap. DD didn't say much(if anything at all) , and I know this Is something I need to work on with her.

I don't know if it's pure coincidence or if she's being "targeted " because she'd never cause a fuss so she's the easy option when issues like these arise. Regardless I'm definitely not happy now, the meals are expensive enough, she barely ate on those days and felt uncomfortable and upset.

I want to complain to the school/teacher, OH says to drop it in case the lunch lady will start being to DD and it's not a big deal. I think it is, not just because I was blamed the first time and it's not fair for DD to have lunches swapped randomly, but the specific choices could be due to allergies,intolerances, interactions with meds or religious reasons. As it is, it's just because she's fussy but the lunch lady wouldn't know that on the spot.

By complain I don't mean go in guns blazing, just give an account of what happened,say I'm not happy with it and could please they just stick to the lunches I pick (and pay for) for DD.

I'm on the app so can't enable voting, but for ease:

YABU - it's not a big deal ,let it go.

YANBU - it is risky or at best not good practice, do conplain.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 25/02/2023 21:13

Seems to be pretty unanimous. I'll go in on Monday and speak to the office . Thank you.

OP posts:
Pinkbananas01 · 25/02/2023 22:16

Definitely speak to the school. Tbh i'd be asking for a refund for those 2 days since she didnt get what was ordered & didnt eat the alternative she was given no choice over, why should you be out of pocket with a hungry DD?

MajorCarolDanvers · 25/02/2023 22:24

YANBU

Nimbostratus100 · 25/02/2023 22:26

YANBU - you have paid, they need to provide what you have paid for

Withnailandeye · 25/02/2023 22:29

YANBU and you need to raise it, not least because the lunch lady could do it to someone who has allergies and that is serious - she needs training. I agree if you don’t address it, it will continue. Your poor dd, that’s so shit.

Nimbostratus100 · 26/02/2023 06:31

personally, I would also ask for money back for the days you have paid, but not got what you paid for - that is just not on

custardbear · 26/02/2023 07:22

Yes, speak to the office but don't make a huge fuss, but be clear and you're only mentioning as it happened twice last week and your child was hungry.

Just to add - swapping food 🤔 not exactly hygienic

knockyknees · 26/02/2023 07:24

Definitely complain, and also ensure they refund you for the two meals your DD didn't get. The fact they gave her an "alternative" is irrelevant; they're not what you ordered or paid for.

BananaCocktails · 26/02/2023 07:25

I would ask for credit for those two meals to be added to my account
and I would be upset I would raise it
who wants to study if they feel hungry
the dinner lady sounds stupid

whowhatwerewhy · 26/02/2023 07:41

I would go in and mention the mix up . Also speak to your daughter to speak up for herself , she doesn't need to be rude just say " mom ordered me x , could someone call her and ask ? Oh sorry Dinner lady I don't like x I won't eat it I don't want to swop my meal "

Rhino94 · 26/02/2023 07:46

TruffleShuffles · 25/02/2023 19:14

I’d definitely mention it, I’d make the allergy/dietary point too. As you say your daughter is just fussy but if this dinner lady chooses a child that has a specific food for a reason to swap there could be severe consequences.

Within a school there would be a system to make all staff and cooking staff aware of the children with allergies so this shouldn’t be the issue.
Do raise it with the office op but it could be an honest mistake, as you say you know how chaotic mealtimes are or the system could have actually shown you had ordered something that you hadn’t.

UdoU · 26/02/2023 07:54

YANBU at all.

WandaWonder · 26/02/2023 07:57

Yes i would report the issue because something needs to be done about it which to me is different thr a complaint

I do presume they are too busy for it to be some targeted thing though

Original poster
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 26/02/2023 08:16

Nimbostratus100 · 26/02/2023 06:31

personally, I would also ask for money back for the days you have paid, but not got what you paid for - that is just not on

I didn't even think about asking for a refund. It makes sense though. I'll ask for it to be added back to her account and see what they say .

OP posts:
ThisWomansWorkNeverEnds · 26/02/2023 08:24

YANBU. Wonder if they were short of that particular meal? I remember my DD would like fish and chips on a Friday when she was primary 1 and 2. Sometimes she said there was none left and she had to take a cold sandwich. We were moving house and schools but I would have definitely complained if we stayed. My daughter wouldn't have said anything either.

Original poster
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 26/02/2023 08:36

whowhatwerewhy · 26/02/2023 07:41

I would go in and mention the mix up . Also speak to your daughter to speak up for herself , she doesn't need to be rude just say " mom ordered me x , could someone call her and ask ? Oh sorry Dinner lady I don't like x I won't eat it I don't want to swop my meal "

Trust me, I've been trying for years. She's just really awkward about talking to adults, even more so if she perceives them as mean/shouty ( they might be just strict or loud ) or she thinks she might somehow be in trouble and she hates any kind of attention on her. Not saying anything , makes it all go away quickly.

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 26/02/2023 08:39

It's happened twice now and at least one time intentionally. You tell the school now this doesn't happen again. They are providing a paid service and if your DC doesn't eat the lunch then she will not learn as well.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 26/02/2023 08:45

Can you print out what you order and DD can show it if the Dinner lady trys to give her something else or swap her meal

BlackeyedSusan · 26/02/2023 08:49

I would complain and ask for a refund as you didn't get what you paid for.

Sugargliderwombat · 26/02/2023 08:58

Why is it always straight to "complain" rather than "ask". Just ask the teacher.

BusyMum47 · 26/02/2023 09:05

I would DEFINITELY complain - but exactly as you said - politely make your points & ask that they ensure it doesn't happen again. If it then does, you go in hard! It's out of order & incredibly unfair on your little one, not to mention potentially dangerous!!

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/02/2023 09:06

iwasthewalrus · 25/02/2023 19:08

Speak to the school office, it’s nothing to do with the teacher. A simple ‘Please could DD be given what I order as far as possible - one day she was told I ordered something and else and another day she was told to swap with a child who didn’t like theirs - thanks’ would be enough

Yes. This. The teacher has nothing to do with lunchtime but it needs sorting out.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 26/02/2023 09:25

My initial thought was the dinner lady has her mixed up with another child. But the second time does sound like she's picked your DD as she doesn't argue.

Beachhuts90 · 26/02/2023 09:27

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/02/2023 09:06

Yes. This. The teacher has nothing to do with lunchtime but it needs sorting out.

Show quote history

Agreed. The teacher won't be involved in lunchtime and is just a middle man. (If this is one of my students I probably have less information about the lunch system than you do, for example!)

However they should be getting what they order and there should be enough. At my school we take names of who orders the alternative (a jacket potato) and those children get one.

Original poster
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 26/02/2023 10:03

Sugargliderwombat · 26/02/2023 08:58

Why is it always straight to "complain" rather than "ask". Just ask the teacher.

Because I DID want to complain about her behaviour. After reading through the responses I've found better ways to frame it. It would only be the 3rd time in 8 years so I don't think it would be that much of an issue if it was still a "complaint ".

OP posts:
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