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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to wedding fayre with future son in law?

59 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 25/02/2023 15:29

I am supposed to be looking after three grandchildren tomorrow while daughter and her chap go to a wedding fayre.

But it's been a rashy week - daughter and one of her children have an all over rash. Both have high temperature. The gp said it is viral - seen lots in the community lately.

Daughter was worse last night - hallucinating. So she wants me to go with son in law to wedding fayre and pick up leaflets/brochures. She thinks that I'll know what she wants.

I want to tell son in law to 'just shop around' for what they want - is it worth going to these promotional things?

I feel a bit uncomfortable - can't exactly explain why. But there will be loved up couples there. And then me schlepping around with my future son in law. It doesn't feel right. I feel that it would be more embarrassing for him? I don't want to put him that position.

Would I be unreasonable to say no?

OP posts:

Popfan · 25/02/2023 15:34

If they are both happy with that why not? I think it's quite nice!

Springintoabetterlife · 25/02/2023 15:35

If she is hallucinating then maybe he should stay home to look after her and the children?

Menopants · 25/02/2023 15:37

it Will be a horrendous day. Just cancel

Aprilx · 25/02/2023 15:38

I can’t get past that she is hallucinating and wedding fayres are still being discussed! Nobody should go whilst your daughter is in this state.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 25/02/2023 15:40

Have you a dp? Could you guys go and DSil mind dd?

Original poster

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 25/02/2023 16:02

She was looking forwards to this because it's at the place she's getting married in. There will possibly be lots of local businesses there. The next one they hold will probably be after their wedding.

She's not hallucinating now (she saw a tent over the bed, covered in spiders) - she's describing migraine like headaches now and feels tingly down one side. (She's had these migraines before.) I know this sounds bad but she saw gp yesterday and they said viral, so she thinks that by tomorrow she'll be well enough to look after the children.

Should I suggest that he goes with his mum?

I do have a husband but he doesn't want to go as he had heart surgery last year and he still has a chesty cough he came out of hospital with. We all went out together for a walk along the beach for his birthday last week but we had to go home early as he wasn't well. He thinks that people assume you have covid when you cough - so doesn't want to go to a busy place.

OP posts:

ThinWomansBrain · 25/02/2023 16:06

sounds a bit odd - I suppose its an opportunity to get to know future SiL better?

Beginbylettinggo · 25/02/2023 16:08

I wouldn't be concerned about meningitis. Headache, hallucinations and rash are all symptoms. I had it as a child and the first call out doctor brushed it off as a bug.

Beginbylettinggo · 25/02/2023 16:08

WOULD not wouldn't

MetaDaughter · 25/02/2023 16:10

Why would your daughter’s partner be going anywhere - especially somewhere crowded - when his household is probably full of virus?

Springintoabetterlife · 25/02/2023 16:19

Honestly, even if she is not hallucinating she is still unwell and shouldn’t be left to look after the children.

monomatapea · 25/02/2023 16:28

They should just go to another one together.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 25/02/2023 16:33

I’d go. She needs information and it’s not a job that I’d trust any man with.

moose62 · 25/02/2023 16:34

I disagree. She has asked you to go...that is showing how much she trusts you to pick what she like. You onky need to go for a short time and pick up a load of brochures. Perhaps leave her fiancee behind as he wont be making decisions without her. He can look after her and the children, you can pick up everything they have and she will be happy!

Clymene · 25/02/2023 16:35

Why isn't he staying home to look after his kids if their mum is ill?

PermanentTemporary · 25/02/2023 16:37

Oh blimey. Think I'd go, but would aim to arrive as it opened and would whiz round literally picking up leaflets from all the stalls, with a tick next to any stalls that looked particularly nice. Perhaps some pics so that she can see more of the venue.

No id say that wedding fayres are pointless tbh but for her sake I would make that gesture.

ForestofD · 25/02/2023 16:38

I work in a wedding venue. It's not unheard of. We have in-law's/friends coming to open days because of lots of reasons. Partners in the armed forces, working shifts etc. They come along, have a look, take pictures, pick up leaflets etc.

We do have some grooms who haven't even seen the venue until it is booked and paid for. Again, lots of reasons.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/02/2023 16:40

Her partner should be staying home to care for your daughter and the children, obviously. You can go to the fayre and collect information for them.

LibrariansGiveUsPower · 25/02/2023 16:42

I work at wedding fairs and it’s pretty common for parents to go around. Some go around for the couple because the couple has to work etc. it’s a good way to get a “feel” for key vendors.

However she is ill and imo he should be looking after kids and keeping and eye on her. There will be other wedding fairs next weekend and the following weeks.

JunkinDonuts · 25/02/2023 16:55

I would go yes.
It's not that long ago that my son in law attended a doctor's appointment with me and discussed my ailment with her, so going to a wedding fayre wouldn't bother me.

budgiegirl · 25/02/2023 16:57

As long as she's well enough to be left with the children, then I'd say go with your SIL. Pick up some leaflets, take a couple of pictures, especially if the venue is dressed for a wedding, and report back. You needn't stay long.

I want to tell son in law to 'just shop around' for what they want - is it worth going to these promotional things?

I have a wedding related business (cakes), and do several fairs a year. Most of my customers come to me via fairs, other than word of mouth. They tell me it's very helpful to meet suppliers, see what they offer, chat about their requirements.

But there will be loved up couples there. And then me schlepping around with my future son in law. It doesn't feel right. I feel that it would be more embarrassing for him? I don't want to put him that position

It won't be embarrassing, plenty of people go to these things besides just couples. There are parents, grandparents, in-laws, people on their own, families. No-one will bat an eyelid.

MessyJ · 25/02/2023 17:01

Could you turn it into a game and pretend you’re his fiancé and see how the venders react?

Turnipworkharder · 25/02/2023 17:08

You go unless her future mil knows her tastes, as well as you ?

queenofthebongo · 25/02/2023 17:12

Ask him if he'd like you to go with him. I think if he wants you there it would be a lovely thing to do. If he doesn't want you there it will be awkward.

EyesOnThePies · 25/02/2023 17:17

Go.
No one will think anything.
It’s a commercial event in a free country.
There will be couples, yes, but also brides + Mum, brides + friend, groom + groom, gay groom + Mum , wedding planners etc
Who cares!

I can understand your Dd wanting a view in local services. Take lots of pics and leaflets if things you think she might like.

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