He’s going away tomorrow and literally just mentioned it

[Didiaa]

I was with my boyfriend up until just before Christmas. It was a bit of a shite time to be honest, lots of change for me with my work and obviously the breakup. He ended things with me. I was really really hurt at the time because it was just before Christmas and literally just a few days before my birthday.

We ended up meeting up between Christmas and new year so he could “give me my things back”. Ended up staying at his. After we had sex he said “I love you”, which I put down to wed just had sex to be fair. He drove me home the next day after spending the whole day together. We were talking at length about the breakup, and he was saying he thinks he acted too hastily and he can’t get over it, said he’d been depressed since we split.

Well we did the exact same thing last weekend. I arrived on Friday night, we spoke until very late at night, slept in bed together, woke up, spent Saturday together, slept together on the Saturday night and then he dropped me home the Sunday evening.

he calls me all the time for long periods of time, texts me daily.. to be honest, nothing has changed that much since the split. He is very open with still bringing me around his friends and they have told me that he hasn’t told them much about the breakup at all.

I find it all very strange to be honest, in a kind of limbo situation. So I text him on Wednesday asking if we could have a call later on that day. He said yeah, I’ll call at 6. He didn’t. On Thursday he rang me whilst I was at work, but I couldn’t answer. I said I’d ring him today. He replied last night saying

“ah i can’t do tomorrow morning I’m going to Spain for a few weeks to see my family. I’ll probably be free just before I go for a bit?”

AIBU to think he’s just taking the piss? Surely he could have mentioned this last weekend when I was there that he’d be going away for a few weeks? Obviously it’s his life and he can go where he pleases, but I just feel so utterly humiliated by it and I’m not even sure why

You are not a priority for him

You are 2 single people

If you want a relationship, find someone else who will treat you better

@Didiaa - do you mind me asking, how old are you? This feels like the kind of situation you have in your late teens or early twenties.

I don’t think he sounds like he’s some kind of machiavellian Casanova, trying to string you along for a free blowjob every now and then - he sounds like he hasn’t got a clue what he wants. You don't sound like you know either. He probably loves the intimacy and the sex, might even like you a lot, but there are many reasons why he might not want to commit (fear, self-doubt, needs something else, emotionally-crippled, <INSERT EXCUSE HERE>).

It sounds like he’s bricking himself about having to discuss things with you in an adult fashion. I personally don’t think he’s going to ‘Spain’ or, if he is, he’s invited himself there to avoid having to talk.

Because when you talk he’ll have to take responsibility, open up, be vulnerable and, shockingly, actually make a bloody decision. So will you.

If this doesn’t sound plausible, I have a friend, we’ll call him Bill, who once was so lily-livered he couldn’t even split up with his girlfriend so told her he had to move to the other end of the country for work - he didn’t, he didn’t even move house, he just couldn’t make himself have the difficult conversation and so ended up hiding in his house for eight months to avoid her.

Don’t let him be like Bill. You decide what you want. Do you want to be with him? Do you want to just have some sex with someone who’s also a friend? Do you want to cut your losses? Then tell him what your needs and wants are, and live with what he decides he can give. If it doesn’t match, walk away. There are SO MANY guys out there that won’t be such a wet rag.

It sounds like you are grasping for reasons that this should be a relationship ("but he talks to me alllll the time!") while it's very clear that he's just passing time with you till he finds a new girlfriend.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think because of his actions it’s misled you into thinking you were back together. You are not.

however what you said is illogical . You’re saying he face times you every single night. Yet you had to ask him for a call and he didn’t call then tried to call when you were at work and then declined a subsequent call . Which doesn’t really sound like he FaceTimes you every day.

This is how I read it too.

You don’t have to be a passenger and tail along whilst he drives. You have gone along with acting like you’re together even though you’d split, you can change this.

Same