He’s going away tomorrow and literally just mentioned it

[Didiaa]

I was with my boyfriend up until just before Christmas. It was a bit of a shite time to be honest, lots of change for me with my work and obviously the breakup. He ended things with me. I was really really hurt at the time because it was just before Christmas and literally just a few days before my birthday.

We ended up meeting up between Christmas and new year so he could “give me my things back”. Ended up staying at his. After we had sex he said “I love you”, which I put down to wed just had sex to be fair. He drove me home the next day after spending the whole day together. We were talking at length about the breakup, and he was saying he thinks he acted too hastily and he can’t get over it, said he’d been depressed since we split.

Well we did the exact same thing last weekend. I arrived on Friday night, we spoke until very late at night, slept in bed together, woke up, spent Saturday together, slept together on the Saturday night and then he dropped me home the Sunday evening.

he calls me all the time for long periods of time, texts me daily.. to be honest, nothing has changed that much since the split. He is very open with still bringing me around his friends and they have told me that he hasn’t told them much about the breakup at all.

I find it all very strange to be honest, in a kind of limbo situation. So I text him on Wednesday asking if we could have a call later on that day. He said yeah, I’ll call at 6. He didn’t. On Thursday he rang me whilst I was at work, but I couldn’t answer. I said I’d ring him today. He replied last night saying

“ah i can’t do tomorrow morning I’m going to Spain for a few weeks to see my family. I’ll probably be free just before I go for a bit?”

AIBU to think he’s just taking the piss? Surely he could have mentioned this last weekend when I was there that he’d be going away for a few weeks? Obviously it’s his life and he can go where he pleases, but I just feel so utterly humiliated by it and I’m not even sure why

He might have just decided last minute. But you've split up, he doesnt need to tell you anything. Your choice that you're still having sex with him when you know you've split.

YABU

He is single and can do whatever he wants and doesn’t need to tell you in advance.

You are there when he’s bored or wants sex until he finds someone better.

He can have sex with whoever he wants to but always has you there as a back up option.

He has the perfect life and he’s not going to change it unless you put your foot down.

If you don’t like the arrangement then tell him you will not be having sex again unless you are official.

Right now you are allowing this to happen.

Well it’s more the fact he calls me for hours at a time talking about all sorts and then just fails to mention he’s going away for weeks.

@Didiaa but he can do what he wants he's single. It's up to you whether you're happy to continue having sex with him or whether you don't want this set up anymore.

It’s not just the fact I’m having sex with him. I’ve already said that. It’s the fact he calls me daily, acts very involved in my life still. If I was just fucking him obviously it would be a bit different.

He can absolutely do what he wants, so can everyone. But the “he can do what he wants” argument would settle about 95% of arguments on here, so what would be the point of a discussion?

@Didiaa is he single or is he not?

You are now just a FWB so no reason he needs to tell you his plans.

If you don’t want to be a FEB then stop doing it.

He's using you. Tell him you've moved on and block him.

sorry to be blunt because I know you’re hurting but he’s using you for sex. You need to be strong, let him go and look after you .

Phone calls and sex do not equal a relationship. May be hard to hear but you are at best friends with benefits, at worst a fuck buddy

You talk like you have no agency and this is a situation that’s been landed upon you.

You’re a grown adult woman. You’re allowing yourself to be treated like shit. He’s getting everything he wants (sex, a way to pass the time), and you’re getting nothing in return.

Do you think he’ll spend hours a day FaceTiming you while in Spain?

Honestly, OP, in your shoes I’d be blocking his number and then investing in therapy to understand why you feel you have to settled for this type of treatment.

The calls etc is to be sure you'll still be happy to have sex.

Best case is you're a fwb, worst case is he is using you. Find out and decide what you can live with. Then act accordingly.

He is using you for sex and affection, I’m sorry but you are a placeholder til someone else comes along.

don’t put yourself through this

YABU to put up with this nonsense.

2 books you should read,@Didiaa , so you'll never end up being used like this again:

The Six Pillars of Self Esteem
Women Who Love Too Much

You don’t seem to be taking on board what people are saying. He’s made no commitment to you so in his head he is free to to what he wants when he wants, and doesn’t need to take you into account.

yes at the moment what he wants is to fill his time, as he’s not got anyone else around, by chatting to you regularly, having sex etc. But make no mistake, the second he meets anyone else he won’t have time to chat to you any more. And he won’t feel that this is a problem, as (remember) you’ve broken up and he has no commitment to you.

He can absolutely do what he wants, so can everyone. But the “he can do what he wants” argument would settle about 95% of arguments on here, so what would be the point of a discussion?

No it wouldn’t because they are threads about people in a relationship.

You are not in a relationship.
You are just friends with benefits.

The truth is, anyone whether they are in a relationship or not can technically do what they want.
If the other person isn’t happy then they can tell them to change or to leave.

You aren’t in a relationship so he has not obligation to tell you anything.
If you choose to tell him everything then that’s up to you.

We get treated how we allow ourselves to be treated.

If you don’t like the current set up then change it.

Because he only calls you to keep you sweet and because it passes the time.

He didn't tell you that he was going on holiday because he doesn't actually care about you, as horrible as that may sound.

You need to find your value and ditch him.

He’s not your boyfriend. He’s making a mug of you.

He's enjoying all the perks of a relationship without any of the consideration you normally show a partner.
You're a booty call.
Just call it a day before your dignity goes entirely down the toilet.

But this is the genius of it @Didiaa. He's split up with you so everything is on his terms. He fancies chatting with you, there you are. He fancies fucking you, there you are again! He's bored - he can just call you and you'll come running.

But you can't ever make any demands on him because he's not your boyfriend. You have no rights.

He's a shit.

In effect you've been demoted from girlfriend to convenient shag and ego massage and he probably can't believe his luck you've stuck around for it. You're being played.

You're convenient to him. He's enjoying the good bits. But he is very much still single in his mind, and so he doesn't feel he has any obligation or responsibility towards you. If he meets someone else you'll be dropped like a stone.

Sounds like he's killing time until he goes away. Sorry to say but I think he's just using you.

Take the opportunity when he's away to look at this for what it is.

He is phoning you and talking to you daily so he can have sex with you.
You are not looking for or seeing anyone else,while he keeps you dangling on and using you for sex.