Complaining, agressively

[minksss]

Views would be good. I have an ongoing issue to do with a building opposite my house (very boring, bins related, but it is genuinely having a real impact on me and kids).

I have been emailing back and forth with them, have got no nowhere.

I mentioned this my to my slightly difficult neighbour who is heavily involved in various neighbourhood watch type things. He immediately went crazy, sent me loads of emails about how unacceptable it was.

He then sent a very aggressive, pretty embarassing, complaint to the council. Lots of big words and grandiose statements.

To be fair to him, this has got a response. They have said they would like to talk to someone directly involved, but this means adding me and my details to his original complaint. My details can be shared with the building owners apparently.

AIBU to not want to be associated with this?! I would be moritfied to have my name added to his rant (and anyone to think I approved or wrote it!), but equally stressed at the idea of offending him and his ego by submitting a seperate, reasonable complaint.

Honestly wish I'd just complained to the council myself in the first place!

Well, as your previous emails have been sent and responded to, then it must be obvious it’s the same issue. Your mails have proved ineffective, but they are still there on record proving that you have also been complaining, so I wouldn’t be worried about it tbh. If his “grandiose” language gets the result you want!

Depends how bad and embarrassing his letter was I suppose.

If you end up with the council liasing with you, just be glad it's moving forward and maybe drop into conversation at some point, "well it's not the way I would have chosen to handle it but at least we're getting somewhere!" all jovial.

If the building opposite get in touch to finally sort it, you don't have to say anything I don't think. Squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that.

What I'm saying is take the win. You don't have to fall over yourself saying "I didn't write that!"

When they respond to you, just apologise for the tone in which the email was written but your neighbour was aware you were getting nowhere so jumped in to help. Covered.

Depends how bad and embarrassing his letter was I suppose.

Mortifyingly bad. I have visions of it ending up on SM. Insults, things that I don't think are true, mentions of "deep suffering" etc etc

If you end up with the council liasing with you, just be glad it's moving forward
Definitely, but I think a normal sounding complaint would have got the same response from the council , it's not like he's directly spoken to the building people and now they're listening.

Or just email them separately and start your own complaint, tell your neighbour that you've been in touch with them and thanks for their help.

It's like a combination of insults, bad legalese, military talk, and a KS3 "persuasive writing" task. Written in the tone of Trump.

Why do you feel you have any responsibility for someone else’s actions, to me that is a kind of grandiosity in itself.

You reasonably spoke to someone about something, they unreasonably ranted to someone else about it, you have zero responsibility for their actions and if someone else piles you in with this person you have no control over that either.

Just let it play out as it does and move on with your life. Stop trying to control how other people perceive you, it is completely beyond your control.

For sure, but this is me signing my name against a letter of complaint that I don't agree with?

I may very well be overthinking it, but the idea of it ever being made publicly available as if I'd written it troubles me.

Why do you feel you have any responsibility for someone else’s actions, to me that is a kind of grandiosity in itself.

I definitely don't think I have responsibility for any else (except my kids)

However I don't want to be attached to this! For example, he has used some terms to imply stupidity which are now considered incredibly offensive.

Honestly, I would just go with it, he has created momentum. You can make it clear that you had no editorial decision making in the complaint but you equally want the issue resolved.

Councils rely on people being reasonable human beings so they can ignore them and fob them off. They respond quicker to crazy.

Either you want action or you don’t.

They’re doing something you don’t like and have no interest in stopping whilst you ask them politely and they ignore you. You spoke to someone who knows how to get things done. The reason you don’t like the way they’ve spoken is the same reason that it’ll actually work. Your way wasn’t working. Their complaint won’t be popular because it won’t be ignored, your complaint is popular because they can ignore you.

You have to decide what you want more: to have the problem resolved or to keep them sweet. They won’t like any action from you that results in them having to change because they don’t want to change. If you don’t want to support anything that results in resolving the problem then stop complaining about it.

She’s done you a favour.

Agree. If you gave a reasoned response to the Council, they are likely to not give it any urgency just due to their capacity unless the issue is dangerous or urgent.

They’re doing something you don’t like and have no interest in stopping whilst you ask them politely and they ignore you. You spoke to someone who knows how to get things done. The reason you don’t like the way they’ve spoken is the same reason that it’ll actually work. Your way wasn’t working. Their complaint won’t be popular because it won’t be ignored, your complaint is popular because they can ignore you.

To be clear, I have been speaking to the people directly (which has been ignored).

My neighbour has not spoken to them.

He has gone directly to the council with the crazy rant. I am pretty sure they would have had the same response to me if I had submitted a normal sounded complaint!

I wouldn't be putting my name to anything I didn't genuinely support. You mention this person has used terms that are now considered offensive - double no.

Can you not just speak to/email the council and explain it's an ongoing problem which you've been trying to sort independently, that it probably has reached the stage where they need to be involved but that you didn't ask grandiose neighbour to intervene on your behalf and would prefer to start a new complaint of your own?

That sounds INCREDIBLE!

You couldn't give us a sample?

I wish I could

This definitely counts as a dripfeed but I am a single mum, and difficult neighbour has previously expressed interest a couple of times. I thought this had died out but now I think this has definitely turned into a chance to showcase his skills.

TO BE CLEAR I didn't speak to him because of this, I mentioned it in passing in the street (wanted to know if anyone else had complained and he knows everyone's business), he asked to see the emails and it snowballed.

I would send the council a summary of the situation in your own words.

And a copy of all previous correspondence about the issue.

That way, they have a clear view and your details.

But don't worry too much it sounds like he's done this before with other issues.

I mentioned it in passing in the street (wanted to know if anyone else had complained and he knows everyone's business), he asked to see the emails and it snowballed.

If you showed him the emails then you involved him.

I agree with PPs, if this really is impacting you and your kids, just be glad (even if it is embarrassing) that he contacted the council, as you should have done yourself.

Email the council directly. Tell you neighbour it’s better if they have two separate complaints.

I think there's a misunderstanding on this thread.

"I have been emailing back and forth with them, have got no nowhere." -> OP means the neighbours, not the council.

OP's Helpful Aggro neighbour sending an insane email to the Bin Problem neighbours might not have got them anywhere too.

OP putting in a reasonable complaint to the council might have got a response too.

I agree, tell him it'll strengthen your case with 2 separate complaints.

You don't need to 'add your name' as if the email was from you. Why don't you just email the council separately with your 'statement of events'. You could even call first to ask if they're looking for further info.
If what you're saying though is you don't wish to be seen to have made a formal complaint I feel you are being unreasonable. You've spoken with the 'offenders' and it isn't resolved. If your confident your complaint/request is reasonable then take it to the next level...or acceptbitxand don't moan to busy body neighbours

@minksss all you need to do is send an email/letter to the relevant person at the council and say further to (name) email I can confirm that the occupants of building A are doing xyz. Their actions are having a direct impact on me and my family etc. End with I would like my complaint to be joined with (names) complaint.

This way you reference his original complaint and ask for your compliant to be joined with his but the language you use is clearly different to his.

I think you can do what @Americansmoothy said but also include something like "I've been told by my neighbour that he's been in touch with you, not sure how it went but here are the details you will need".

I would want to explicitly de-link myself from it, especially if it's racist, explicitly classist, etc, or it may go viral online.

I've hidden behind aggro Karens to get what I want before haha, but they were just aggro and a bit unpleasant... Some things (e.g. aggro to the point of insanity; offensive terminology) you don't touch, for your own safety.