Complaining, agressively

[minksss]

Views would be good. I have an ongoing issue to do with a building opposite my house (very boring, bins related, but it is genuinely having a real impact on me and kids).

I have been emailing back and forth with them, have got no nowhere.

I mentioned this my to my slightly difficult neighbour who is heavily involved in various neighbourhood watch type things. He immediately went crazy, sent me loads of emails about how unacceptable it was.

He then sent a very aggressive, pretty embarassing, complaint to the council. Lots of big words and grandiose statements.

To be fair to him, this has got a response. They have said they would like to talk to someone directly involved, but this means adding me and my details to his original complaint. My details can be shared with the building owners apparently.

AIBU to not want to be associated with this?! I would be moritfied to have my name added to his rant (and anyone to think I approved or wrote it!), but equally stressed at the idea of offending him and his ego by submitting a seperate, reasonable complaint.

Honestly wish I'd just complained to the council myself in the first place!

I panicked. When he's messaging and calling and he can see I'm online it's hard to stop and think.

I had already said to him, thank you for the help, I've submitted my own report and told the council lady this. Lots of further thank yous and two reports better than one etc.

All I got back was "forward your reply to me", which freaked me out!

To add he also asked "did you mean to not copy me in", which stressed me out even more, hence the "oh whoops I thought I did"

Like I said, he takes offence at everything, due to his role on my street you need to have a working realationship with him. It's like treading on eggshells. When he asked me out a couple of years ago I said I was seeing someone because it's just easier.

Yes I know I'm idiot for even mentioning it to him in the first place but it came up!

I think it's definitely got that "man of a certain era" tone @HarlanPepper !

He has called me again and phoned me.

Please can someone suggest a no nonsense reply? I've already told him thanks very much, I've submitted a complaint myself now (which is true).

But for some reason he wants to see proof I've done this? As a PP said, it was stupid of me to tell him I thought I'd cc-ed him in, but I was just doing a million other things and stressed out.

I would say that I don't want to keep talking about it, because I'm busy and/or I find it stressful thinking about it so much, as it's had such an impact for so long on you and your family. He's being really out of order.

What a shame you did it via a portal and can't access it now it's sent. No copy available, oh dear. Never mind, you're sure it's all in hand now that the council is dealing with it, no need for him to worry any further.

Op, you sound lovely and he sounds thoroughly mad lol. I do think his email sounds hilarious but totally agree with you, never put your name to something that is something you disagree with as a matter of integrity let alone when it has borderline/offensive language in it's content. I know people might think if it's not their words it doesn't matter but unfortunately that's a bit naive these days, words matter more than ever. I'd tell him you appreciate his involvement however you have something going on the moment and can't afford time to discuss this matter with him. Keep it vague, then ghost. Best of luck!

Thanks everyone I've replied as suggested and shot a long message back asking why I don't want to be on his complaint, giving examples of me being inconsistent, saying would be far easier if I'd picked up the phone when he calls etc.

Will ignore from now I think as there's nothing more I can say!

Ignoring is probably the best option tbh. However will he push back harder and start turning up at your door?

I appreciate you sound like a different personality to me, and when it comes to situations like this and it's escalated I have no issue being firm to the point of rude... But you might want to draft - not send - a text ready laying it out firmly should he keep pushing it.

Nicey-nicey isn't working with him. I would choose my words carefully but deliberately, something along the lines of:

'You need to drop this now. As I said, I appreciate your help but it is being handled. I've no idea why you're trying to dominate the route this complaint takes and harassing me to do it 'your way', but I am dealing with it my way. Feel free to continue with your own complaint separately. I will not be discussing this further with you.'

This is a last-resort nuclear option to shut it down obviously. But some people just won't take no for an answer, so have something like this ready. Sorry he's making this more stressful for you

This. He's turning this into harassment now. You are under absolutely zero obligation to him. He elected to get involved - fine! But that's his choice, his actions are his responsibility and nothing to do with you. OP, prepare a text stating something similar to what this PP suggests. Try to be kind to yourself in your head, reminding yourself you owe him absolutely nothing, and it's him who is making this an awkward situation now, not you.