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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised these children don’t have proper beds?

383 replies

FlappyValley · 23/02/2023 22:14

Out of DC’s friends whose houses we’ve visited, I’ve seen three who don’t have proper beds, just a mattress on the floor. I’m really surprised because these aren’t poor families by any means (professional jobs, foreign holidays, nice clothes, etc) and the parents all have beds themselves! AIBU to think a bed is one of the most basic things you’d buy your child if your standard of living is generally good? Or is this totally normal?

OP posts:
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toomuchlaundry · 25/02/2023 10:55

In countries where this is the norm e.g Japan, their beds/houses will be set up for this way of sleeping. However, in this country most mattresses are not designed to be just put on the floor as they need airflow and will get mouldy otherwise. If it is also for a space issue so mattresses can be leant against a wall during the day, I would worry about a mattress toppling onto a young child as they are heavy.

Weallhaveavoice · 25/02/2023 11:05

@thismamayogi
well done for saying it how it is. I just couldn’t be bothered answering such judgemental attitudes. Those that don’t have raised beds have made it clear why and there’s no reason for people to make assumptions, rude comments about it.
We are not all sheep, just because the majority like raised beds doesn’t mean it’s a must have, is no one’s business how we chose to live our lives and is not hurting anyone.

Thankyou

memyselfi · 25/02/2023 11:07

MeinKraft · 23/02/2023 22:33

Don't you need air flow around the mattress to stop it from going mouldy?

Exactly

thismamayogi · 25/02/2023 11:33

Lift the mattress onto its side occasionally, or turn it if it’s reversible. Bedsteads can grow mould easily also. So can carpets, tiling, old food….. or just put a few books under the mattress - lots of ways to get air flowing. Tons of cultures where they don’t have raised beds.

thismamayogi · 25/02/2023 11:34

Weallhaveavoice · 25/02/2023 11:05

@thismamayogi
well done for saying it how it is. I just couldn’t be bothered answering such judgemental attitudes. Those that don’t have raised beds have made it clear why and there’s no reason for people to make assumptions, rude comments about it.
We are not all sheep, just because the majority like raised beds doesn’t mean it’s a must have, is no one’s business how we chose to live our lives and is not hurting anyone.

Thankyou

💖

thismamayogi · 25/02/2023 11:38

00100001 · 25/02/2023 08:42

why...?

Are they not safe, comfortable and warm if not raised 10 cms higher when sleeping?

Show quote history

Hear hear

some people on here have implied that somehow my kids sleeping safely on cosy floor beds is indicative of them having less happiness, well-being, health and quality of life. It has been suggested I should not have had five kids if I can’t provide raised beds.

I honestly don’t get it. My kids get healthy food, tons of cuddles and love, my full time care and they each have a cosy bed of their own or the option to sleep with me if they are young enough to still want that.

Weird definitions of what kids need here.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/02/2023 11:38

I sleep on a mattress and don't have a bed. Am I neglecting myself?

toomuchlaundry · 25/02/2023 12:19

@thismamayogi you mentioned you couldn't afford raised beds and that you live in poverty.

T1Dmama · 25/02/2023 12:29

About 8 years ago my daughters friend at preschool told the staff she slept on a mattress on the floor and social services were called !! Her aunt had ordered her a bed and new mattress and was waiting delivery….. maybe there was more to it but the kid never returned..

I can’t say I understand it, the floor is dusty and drafty!

Weallhaveavoice · 25/02/2023 12:33

MyNDfamily · 25/02/2023 10:39

I believe its one of those 'trends' the sort of rubbish you see on insta, pintrest..

I am an autistic woman, my entire life has been spent 'missing' these things. As an adult I do not care in the slightest.

Its something Neuro typical people do to appear more fashionable than other Neuro Typical people, it leads them to be seen as higher up in the invisible social hierarchy that matters so much to them.

Except there wasn’t any insta when I was born in the 60s
Or when I set up home.
Did it exist in 2000 when we stated a family
Mumsnet is all I’m on. Don’t do Facebook, TikTok, insta, watch influencers, WhatsApp…..don’t know what half of these things are. Not interested.
Dont know anyone with the same sleeping arrangements as ours, it’s their business.

Weallhaveavoice · 25/02/2023 12:34

T1Dmama · 25/02/2023 12:29

About 8 years ago my daughters friend at preschool told the staff she slept on a mattress on the floor and social services were called !! Her aunt had ordered her a bed and new mattress and was waiting delivery….. maybe there was more to it but the kid never returned..

I can’t say I understand it, the floor is dusty and drafty!

Hoping there was more to it.
Id worry about such a small minded preschool.

MyOldFriendTime · 25/02/2023 12:40

toomuchlaundry · 25/02/2023 12:19

@thismamayogi you mentioned you couldn't afford raised beds and that you live in poverty.

Exactly!! You said you could never afford to buy a bed for yourself but went on to have 5 DC, that is very different from the parents on here who choose to let their DC sleep on the floor for whatever reasons.

Comedycook · 25/02/2023 12:56

You said you could never afford to buy a bed for yourself but went on to have 5 DC, that is very different from the parents on here who choose to let their DC sleep on the floor for whatever reasons

The end result is the same. Kids sleeping on mattresses on the floor. It's just double standards. Middle class and/or wealthy people do it as a trendy lifestyle choice...all good. Poorer people or wc people do it...feckless neglectful parents. We see it all the time in society. Kids dressed in hand me downs... middle class? Wonderful, green thing to do. No shoes? You just want your little cherub to feel connected to the earth. Hair unbrushed? You're not so shallow as to care. Try doing these things if you're poor or wc...

Weallhaveavoice · 25/02/2023 13:06

Comedycook · 25/02/2023 12:56

You said you could never afford to buy a bed for yourself but went on to have 5 DC, that is very different from the parents on here who choose to let their DC sleep on the floor for whatever reasons

The end result is the same. Kids sleeping on mattresses on the floor. It's just double standards. Middle class and/or wealthy people do it as a trendy lifestyle choice...all good. Poorer people or wc people do it...feckless neglectful parents. We see it all the time in society. Kids dressed in hand me downs... middle class? Wonderful, green thing to do. No shoes? You just want your little cherub to feel connected to the earth. Hair unbrushed? You're not so shallow as to care. Try doing these things if you're poor or wc...

We don’t do it because we can’t afford beds, think it’s trendy, back to the earth…
We do it because we like it
If anyone in our house wanted a bed we’d get one.
Not everyone falls into these limited categories.

Comedycook · 25/02/2023 13:22

I always thought children not having a bed was a red flag and something ss would be interested in. Thought this was well known? But maybe they're not interested when posh people live like that?

Weallhaveavoice · 25/02/2023 13:32

Comedycook · 25/02/2023 13:22

I always thought children not having a bed was a red flag and something ss would be interested in. Thought this was well known? But maybe they're not interested when posh people live like that?

Discrimination

Gwenhwyfar · 25/02/2023 13:39

thismamayogi · 25/02/2023 11:33

Lift the mattress onto its side occasionally, or turn it if it’s reversible. Bedsteads can grow mould easily also. So can carpets, tiling, old food….. or just put a few books under the mattress - lots of ways to get air flowing. Tons of cultures where they don’t have raised beds.

Lived without a bed for years and never had a problem. I'm aware it's a risk, but not a certainty.

Snowpixi · 25/02/2023 13:46

Actually Elevating your mattress with a platform, bed frame, or base lifts it from the ground, letting fresh air flow in from all sides. This helps keep your mattress fresh and dry, preventing humidity buildup that harbors mold and mildew.

Snowpixi · 25/02/2023 13:47

Yeah but why would you risk subjecting your children to that situation? Why take unnecessary risk with your children’s health?

Comedycook · 25/02/2023 13:58

Snowpixi · 25/02/2023 13:46

Actually Elevating your mattress with a platform, bed frame, or base lifts it from the ground, letting fresh air flow in from all sides. This helps keep your mattress fresh and dry, preventing humidity buildup that harbors mold and mildew.

Yes exactly...that's why bed bases have slats ...so air can circulate

Weallhaveavoice · 25/02/2023 14:05

Info for floor sleepers
Hoping the attached info is useful to anyone that’s worried about not using a bed
Just a quick Google search

To be surprised these children don’t have proper beds?
To be surprised these children don’t have proper beds?
TimeToFlyNow · 25/02/2023 14:13

It's just another fad

Gwenhwyfar · 25/02/2023 14:15

"Hoping the attached info is useful to anyone that’s worried about not using a bed"

Are those people unable to use Google themselves lol? You didn't even click on any of the articles.

Weallhaveavoice · 25/02/2023 14:21

Gwenhwyfar · 25/02/2023 14:15

"Hoping the attached info is useful to anyone that’s worried about not using a bed"

Are those people unable to use Google themselves lol? You didn't even click on any of the articles.

Just trying to be kind, fellow floor sleeper

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 25/02/2023 14:43

The BO sweat thing is only true of certain East Asians. And even then it’s lowered, not non existent.
I don’t think it can be a blanket claim that Asians don’t that a sweaty stinky thing.