I've just called the police on him

[Iamworthit]

I'm waiting for them to turn up.

Advice from my last post was to phone the police if I felt threatened.

I'd put our son to sleep and was lying in my bed, just in my nighty, in my bedroom that i share with my son. He was in the shed where he hangs out and sleeps. He had already said goodnight to the children. He had also let me watch them yesterday alone, all night last night whilst he slept in the shed and half of today.

Basically abruptly out of no where he is out side my bedroom door, tells me he wants to talk and pushes open the door without any notice or even a knock. He asks me what I'm doing, to which I reply "it's none of your business", because I'm feeling vulnerable that he's just come in. He then tells me he can do what ever he likes, it's his house, he can open any door he wants, and if he wants he can kick me out on the street right now.

I felt really threatened so just called the police. I told the operator what's happened and she's sending some police over!

He's on the phone to his dad, pacing downstairs.

He's just come up with a glass of water, to check I'm OK, because I have a mental health condition... all whilst his dad's listening.

I feel stupid for calling, but I feel scared, I don't know what to do.

If you don't feel safe at home you can ask your local Women's Aid if they have a refuge space for you. This might not be shared accommodation - often it's individual flats. There could well be a waiting list but if things have got to the stage where you're phoning the police in the middle of the night you're definitely eligible. Good luck.

So having skimmed just your posts on the other thread, he regularly leaves the kids with you overnight?

So any concerns he may have aren't enough for him to want to risk disturbing his sleep?🙄

I hope that you find somewhere soon.

I told him I want to leave, he is now saying I'm mental and crazy to leave him

On the contrary. Leaving him is the most sane, rational thing to do.

Please take your children with you, he’ll make it near impossible for you to see them again if you don’t.

I don't understand why you would leave your children with him if you feel threatened by him?

I told him I want to leave, he is now saying I'm mental and crazy to leave him, that I cant be on my own with the kids,

But you clearly can be on your own with the kids when it suits him!

Is it more that he doesn't want to have to have them on his own/sort paid childcare if you leave?

Do you thnk he will facilitate your leaving by saying that he is evicting you?

@Iamworthit - "I'm sick of him doing this to me in front of the kids."

Did you tell the police that he's gaslighting/emotionally abusive towards you in front of the children? Because that's a huge red flag against him right there, which ought to trigger the subsequent involvement of Children's Services... who'll be better placed to support you with being rehomed, and (more importantly!) determine whether or not you are capable of being around the children, than he is! Which, of course you are. Someone in authority needs to spell it out to him that the children aren't possessions, but people in their own right. I suspect that he thinks otherwise, and that as their "owner", he has the right to dictate whether he gets to keep them, as they're his, in the split (like my ex insisted he got to keep a bookcase, despite not reading anything it was built to contain). He doesn't get to score points against/hurt you (and your children) that way.

, and another well done for calling his abuse out, by informing the police. I know, first hand, how daunting making that initial call can be - and how being gaslit can make you feel like you're genuinely going mad, even if/when you recognise what your "partner" is doing. Keep protecting yourself and your children from him, and reminding yourself that you've already come so far, and been deemed perfectly safe to be around your children by people who actually know what they're talking about. The services would not have discharged you, otherwise!

Yep, over 3 years he's Been sleeping in his shed every night.

Oh OP, I hope you're ok. I have grave concerns that he's building up a picture to everyone about your MH though. He knows what he's doing, and although he's not been physically violent he seems a very very dangerous man.
Please please contact womens aid and Childrens services. They need to know exactly what he's up to.
I guarantee that he won't let you leave. If he does you won't be allowed to take the children, and he will then drag you through court telling everyone you're too mentally unwell to look after them. He will go for full residence and make you out to be crazy.
You need to escape this now, with as many authorities on your side as possible.

Do you have any plans to get away from him permanently? Or is this gonna be the arrangement forever? Sorry it's all a bit confusing.

Yep, I told him I was leaving him last week. He's been telling anyone who will listen im unstable.
Just viewed a property this morning, and I have another one later on today. I'm on the council housing register, I've been on that since September.

Once you are out OP, I would sort out his access to the children via a court order, so he can't play silly fuckers with them.

Good luck - you got this 💐

OK well done! Good luck.

Thankyou. Yes he claims he will be doing at least 50/50. A few days he wouldn't even say 50/50 so we will see x

Sorry, a few days ago he was claiming I couldn't have them at all, now he's saying 50/50.

So his claims that you are unstable coincide with you telling him that you want to leave?

The police yesterday-they realise that he sleeps in the shed & therefore leaves the kids with you?

I also have a feeling that he'll try to stop you & is "setting the scene".

Hopefully he has left it too late.

If he did try to keep the kids-could he afford full time childcare?

Would he have help nearby for example?

He might threaten but can't realistically do it.

50/50 does that mean he wouldn't have to pay child maintenance, I'm not sure a how it works.

Wishing you well in your property search, I hope you will be far more happy and safe very soon.

Please please speak to Womens Aid. I put it off for ages as I kept making excuses because there'd been no physical violence. Just gaslighting and emotional abuse like you have described. I wish I'd asked for Womens Aid for help sooner. There is help out there, you are not alone x

Sending you very best wishes, OP. I hope you & your kids can start your new life, away from that cruel bastard, very very soon.

I think it would be wise to engage with as many support services as you can. You never know what advice and help agencies or charities, like Women's Aid, can offer. Knowing your rights in situations like yours could be empowering for you.

He’s the bloody unstable one.

Best wishes for starting again with your DC
You'll be surprised how much better you feel when you're out of his nasty clutches

Is there any milage in contacting the council again and telling them he's planning to evict you? Might push you up the list?

You need some help from people who are experienced in these situations. He's trying to set you up here. Please call Women's Aid for advice and support.

Is there any chance you can leave now.
Anyone to go to?
Even homelessness will get you placed quicker.

I’d be wary of in effect making yourself homeless by leaving before he evicts you or you find an alternative because your ex would allege you’d made the children homeless but that he has a home there he can accommodate the in.
Thisis why you need to seek expert advice as others have suggested so that you can plan the best strategy to ensure the future well being of yourself and your DC