I've just called the police on him

[Iamworthit]

I'm waiting for them to turn up.

Advice from my last post was to phone the police if I felt threatened.

I'd put our son to sleep and was lying in my bed, just in my nighty, in my bedroom that i share with my son. He was in the shed where he hangs out and sleeps. He had already said goodnight to the children. He had also let me watch them yesterday alone, all night last night whilst he slept in the shed and half of today.

Basically abruptly out of no where he is out side my bedroom door, tells me he wants to talk and pushes open the door without any notice or even a knock. He asks me what I'm doing, to which I reply "it's none of your business", because I'm feeling vulnerable that he's just come in. He then tells me he can do what ever he likes, it's his house, he can open any door he wants, and if he wants he can kick me out on the street right now.

I felt really threatened so just called the police. I told the operator what's happened and she's sending some police over!

He's on the phone to his dad, pacing downstairs.

He's just come up with a glass of water, to check I'm OK, because I have a mental health condition... all whilst his dad's listening.

I feel stupid for calling, but I feel scared, I don't know what to do.

I’ve just read your other thread. You’ve got a GP appointment today so you’ll be able to discuss tonight’s incident and his gaslighting regarding your mental health. I hope you find somewhere to move to soon.

Typical gaslighting if you ask me. My ex was just moaning that he’s had our daughter for two nights together and I haven’t seen her. It was at his request to have her 2 nights together during hols. I used to be told I’m crazy a lot. Now I just say stop gaslighting have a good night will be there in the morn.

You’re so brave and you did the right thing.

did you tell them you felt in fear for you life and or safety if he stayed.
about his trying to convince people of you own mental state.
did you ask the police why they arent making him leave

Are you able to look after the children by yourself?

He had also let me watch them yesterday alone, all night last night whilst he slept in the shed

I"m not sure what, if anything, happened here? What am I missing?

Without further context, this sounds like a very bizarre situation. I'm new to MN and haven't figured out how to search for previous posts

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4747241-hes-using-my-past-mental-health-against-me?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Previous thread

Because it is his house.
Because we were both calm when they arrived.
Because although he has been gaslighting me, he hasn't been physically violent to me.
Because neither of us had anywhere else to go.

The police said its his house and he doesn't have to leave it.
That his threats are manipulative, but that he hasn't crossed the line to bee made to leave, and that things will be awkward for a while.

I actually spoke to his mum, and she then said to him he's made me feel threatened and if the police have told you on the phone to stay apart then why isn't he? (he kept coming upstairs to check on me and my "mental health condition").

There's another thread.

I basically had pnd 4 years ago and was in a mother and baby unit then sectioned.
However I have done everything since then, engaged with all services etc and been discharged from any mh teams I was under.

I told him I want to leave, he is now saying I'm mental and crazy to leave him, that I cant be on my own with the kids, threatening to restrain me if he has to "because people like me get triggered when relationships end" and basically being a manipulative gaslighting bastard. He has been telling me that he is assessing me and wether I can be alone with the kids is up to him, and if he feels I'm capable then I can have them, if he decides I'm not I can't be with them alone.

he's threatening to restrain you if you leave. That's is NOT ok

Also it's not up to him to assess if you're ok to have the dc or not!

Hope your ok OP.

What is your plan or what you would like to happen next?

Is it to leave him?

Sounds like he is trying to put a story out there that you are mentally unwell and like his mum has a bit of an idea and was telling him to stay away from you.

Are you making plans to leave? If not, I certainly would, he sounds very unstable and manipulative.

it is absolutely not his place to assess you, he has no qualifications or experience (unless this is actually his job and if so, it’s highly inappropriate and unethical for him to do this).

As PP said they are not social workers. What are they supposed to do? He didn't do anything illegal and wasn't being physical. They can't babysit. They also can't throw someone in a cell for no reason. Or throw someone out of their own house

You need to seek legal and other suupport advice people can not give you accurate advice with only hearing your side of this situation

The police can give your details of support networks

Reported. Respect? Really?

I think he’s going to use your pnd against you, in the most awful way, for ever.
It’s a way he can gaslight you, treat you as badly as he wants then manipulate others to think he’s concerned about you, you’re unwell. It’s his way of controlling you and terms like he’s assessing you and he’ll restrain you are inappropriate ( to say the least)
Speak to Women’s Aid, speak to your GP, make sure your concerns over him are registered everywhere and make your plan to get away from him.

Thankyou.

I'm off to view 2 houses today. I'm hopeful but realistic.
He has also said this morning he will be phoning the council to tell them he is evicting me. So hopefully that will move me up in need of housing.

Take no notice of him - he has NO say in whether you can take/look after your dc's or not it's just more gaslighting. If it goes to court you will get custody of your children, you're their mother and unless you were neglectful or abusive (which he would have to prove and back up with evidence) a court will always place children, especially young children with their mother.

Try to grey rock him until you've moved out. Good luck 🤞

Good for you viewing the houses! Whatever else, it’s quite clear to me that you can’t continue to live together.

I initially thought this was a massive over reaction because he walked in without knocking but I have read your previous thread and it says you are officially separated which makes much more sense and if you felt threatened then you did the right thing.

You need to leave that is the main thing.

Fingers crossed that you get one of these homes today.

I hope he does tell the council he is evicting you as this will go in your favour for access to the children.

If you cannot leave for a few more days then I would put a lock on the bedroom door just for your own piece of mind.

I think you need to be careful what you tell him.

If he is as controlling and manipulative as he sounds then he’s going to make things very difficult for you and will get in your head and make you believe that you can’t cope without him and that it’s unfair to the DCs etc.

Make plans but don’t tell him what they are.
E.g. If you find a new place to live - don’t tell him you are going to view it or where it is, don’t tell him you’ve got it and don’t tell him when you’ll be moving.
Do it all in secret and then move out when he’s at work.
Then you can leave a note/text him telling him you’ve moved out but don’t tell him where.

I Definitely want to move out. I've been actively looking to as I know his behaviour can be toxic and I'm sick of him doing this to me in front of the kids.
Thankyou, fingers crossed get something soon and I can get out ASAP x

Ever heard of dissociation?

The ‘mental Health’ gaslighting is chilling. Glad you’ve shown him that you will be believed and taken seriously by the authorities.