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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've just called the police on him

102 replies

Iamworthit · 23/02/2023 21:54

I'm waiting for them to turn up.

Advice from my last post was to phone the police if I felt threatened.

I'd put our son to sleep and was lying in my bed, just in my nighty, in my bedroom that i share with my son. He was in the shed where he hangs out and sleeps. He had already said goodnight to the children. He had also let me watch them yesterday alone, all night last night whilst he slept in the shed and half of today.

Basically abruptly out of no where he is out side my bedroom door, tells me he wants to talk and pushes open the door without any notice or even a knock. He asks me what I'm doing, to which I reply "it's none of your business", because I'm feeling vulnerable that he's just come in. He then tells me he can do what ever he likes, it's his house, he can open any door he wants, and if he wants he can kick me out on the street right now.

I felt really threatened so just called the police. I told the operator what's happened and she's sending some police over!

He's on the phone to his dad, pacing downstairs.

He's just come up with a glass of water, to check I'm OK, because I have a mental health condition... all whilst his dad's listening.

I feel stupid for calling, but I feel scared, I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Irrelevantdata · 23/02/2023 22:43

What's he doing now OP, is he still 'checking' on you? I agree with PP's it sounds like he's trying to make this look like you're having a MH crisis, please try to stay calm. When the police arrive make sure you speak to them first and away from him and tell them he is abusive and displaying threatening behaviour which is why you called. Tell them he is implying you are having a MH crisis when you are not in order to maintain control over you, and that it's part and parcel of his abuse of you. Stay as calm as you possibly can, we're all here holding your hand.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/02/2023 22:45

I really wouldn’t go and leave your kids, no. If you tell them you’re scared of him you can’t then leave children in his care.

Irrelevantdata · 23/02/2023 22:46

Are his parents close by OP? Could you ask the police to remove him there for the night?

BlueSeaWave · 23/02/2023 22:47

You did the right thing.
Hes trying to make it look like you’re unstable but the police will see through this. If it helps, when he isn’t there and you talk to them privately, you can show them past threads where you have posted for help, telling them he can’t know you post here.

GoT1904 · 23/02/2023 22:49

Tell them that you'd prefer it if he goes and you don't feel safe.

If he asks again about your mental health, tell him that you're absolutely fine apart from his behaviour scares you. He is trying to manipulate the situation... When the police come he's going to say you're paranoid or having a break down to try and deflect from his behaviour.

Theunamedcat · 23/02/2023 23:06

Your mental health team say your fine his behaviour however is absolutely not fine

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/02/2023 23:08

Don’t leave your kids with him. Tell the police you don’t feel safe doing that

AdoraBell · 23/02/2023 23:12

Well done for calling the police, I hope they arrrive soon.

Greyarea12 · 23/02/2023 23:13

The mental heath narrative he is trying to create is typical abuser behaviour. The police will of seen it a thousand times over. Do not let him gaslight you into believing your mental health is an issue here and do not let him lead with this narrative when the police arrive. Him coming and checking on you, with his Mum on the phone, is him manipulating his Mum into believing this and its him setting the scene. ''My Mum is a witness that I was checking on her the past couple of hours, she is mentally unwell.''

uncomfortablydumb53 · 23/02/2023 23:27

I commented on your previous thread. He's a very dangerous man, and the police will see through his gaslighting behaviour
The police will question you separately so be honest and tell them how frightening his behaviour is

Mumuser124 · 23/02/2023 23:34

Has he previously been violent? Sorry I didn’t see the other thread so presuming there is a back story to this.

Shauna27 · 23/02/2023 23:40

Pseudonamed · 23/02/2023 22:27

He sounds dangerous. Making calls and coming up pretending to ask if you are ok and asking about your mental health so he has witnesses. He is blaming this all on you.

This is exactly what he's doing OP. He's gaslighting you and doing it deliberately whilst on the phone to his parents so they can corroborate 'his story'. Make sure you explain this to the police so they don't belittle your call for help.

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 23:46

Icanflyhigh · 23/02/2023 22:25

I can't see your other post, but it sounds like he's being deliberately calm to make out you have a mental health issue. Don't be fooled and trust that the professionals won't be fooled by him either x

This

PaigeMatthews · 23/02/2023 23:54

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 23:46

This

Yes he knows exactly what he is doing. Can you lock the bedroom door? Dont respond to him when he walks in.

PinkButtercups · 24/02/2023 00:01

Clarissa111 · 23/02/2023 22:08

Oh please be careful. It sounds like he's trying to make out that you are having a mental health crisis ans he's innocent. Please stay calm when police get there.

I thought the exact same!

Iamworthit · 24/02/2023 00:06

Hi everyone
Thankyou for all your support. The police have just left. There were 2 officers and they spoke to us separately. The officer I spoke to said it's really good I called them, that it will all be noted. They are happy for us to stay here all together (well, they actually told him to stay in his shed🤣) and that as there's been no physical violence and we were both calm there's nothing further they will do.
I spoke with the officer a while and she noted things down. I feel calm. Talking to her was really good, she was really nice.

OP posts:
Smineusername · 24/02/2023 00:07

That's a good result OP well done

Goodread1 · 24/02/2023 00:18

That's weird why on earth didn't they the police encourage 🤔 tell him to go and stay with elsewhere with his parents or friend,

If you felt scared of him

Goodread1 · 24/02/2023 00:19

Bit weird
If he has been threatening towards you immittadating

OldFan · 24/02/2023 00:32

Well done @Iamworthit keep doing it.

The mental health comments- it's called gaslighting, he was trying to convince you and other people that you are mad and irrational. Please ignore it. x

Viviennemary · 24/02/2023 00:34

I don't understand why he is sleeping in a shed. Is this a permanent arrangement. I'm surprised the police just went because nothing has been solved. It would be better if he moved out.

OldFan · 24/02/2023 00:59

I'm surprised the police just went because nothing has been solved

@Viviennemary Yes but in that moment, he wasn't doing anything illegal, which is what the police usually act on, and he wasn't physically endangering OP at that time. They're not social workers.

Please do keep reporting him though @Iamworthit , it'll help keep you safe, help keep a record of what he's upto, and mean he knows his behaviour is being logged.

And make a safety plan to leave.

notangelinajolie · 24/02/2023 01:02

You felt threatened enough to call the police yet they were happy to leave you playing happy families with a man who lives in a shed.
Either the police have failed in their duty to protect you and your children or you have minimised his behaviour. Which one is it?

OldFan · 24/02/2023 01:04

You felt threatened enough to call the police yet they were happy to leave you playing happy families with a man who lives in a shed. Either the police have failed in their duty to protect you and your children or you have minimised his behaviour. Which one is it?

@notangelinajolie The police are a bit shit and tend to do the bare minimum in every situation.

SoNotRainbowRhythms · 24/02/2023 01:24

Be clear to the police that he is denying abuse by telling other people you have mental health issues or exaggerating/ trying to use existing conditions to cover up his abuse and this is coercive control.

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