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Original poster

Sons forgot my birthday..... again

78 replies

shellyleppard · 23/02/2023 20:58

Feeling slightly alone and need to vent..... please bear with me. Single mum to two teenage boys. They see their dad regularly, we get on better now. Very trying sometimes. My birthday today, they both forgot to get a card or present. Eldest was having an anxiety attack and youngest was panicking as he thought he had lost his savings. (He had already spent it 😳)............ Just feel taken for granted by them. It was their dads birthday yesterday so they knew mine was today. I did say how upset I was that they forgot again. Sorry for the ramble!!

OP posts:
FredLovesBread · 23/02/2023 21:06

Happy birthday! Flowers

Sorry your teenagers are so thoughtless Sad How old are they? Do they have phoned of their own? Maybe you could create an online family birthdays calendar with email reminders so they always have advanced warning! Or an anologue version on the kitchen wall. Though that would require them looking at it Grin

Treat yourself at the weekend. You deserve it!

EmmaDilemma5 · 23/02/2023 21:07

Aw I'm sorry they didn't remember, have you had a chance to celebrate at all with wider family/friends?

But OP, your son was having an anxiety attack? Is that common? I'd be much more worried about that than my birthday (which I don't do much for out of choice) and I certainly wouldn't be making an anxious child feel guilty over it.

Kids rarely independently remember birthdays outside of their own.

JimBobbin · 23/02/2023 21:29

OP that is hard. I think it's tough for teens who don't have another parent scaffolding it for them though. Even if they remember there can be a few steps to go through to get a card and present. It's all a bit harder for a schoolchild to do by themselves than it would be for an adult, and it's much harder for a child left to do it by themselves than one whose other parent organises it.

Maybe help them "remember" next year. I bet they feel rubbish about it and would much rather have got you something.

5foot5 · 23/02/2023 21:35

I bet they feel rubbish about it and would much rather have got you something.

So they should.

girlfriend44 · 23/02/2023 21:45

How would they feel if you forgot their birthday.

Do they do this every year. Selfish and uncaring if so.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 23/02/2023 21:56

Did they remember their dad's birthday? Definitely treat yourself this weekend and make sure they know why

sparkiesparkle · 23/02/2023 23:53

I guilt mine each year, turn a blind eye to last minute cards etc. I'm hoping they'll improve. I buy myself a present.

sparkiesparkle · 23/02/2023 23:54

Last year my eldest bought a present for his flat mate and didn't get me anything.
But I think they're just thoughtless really

dogdaydown · 23/02/2023 23:56

Happy birthday OP 🥳 🎂!

How old are they!

vipersputpaidtomylastusername · 23/02/2023 23:57

Happy Birthday 🎂. Mums are amazing x

billthefrog · 24/02/2023 00:02

Happy Birthday op 💐 I like to think being taken for granted in the sign of a great parent.

treat yourself this weekend x

BaroldFromEastenders · 24/02/2023 00:03

Forget theirs next ones.

knowsmorethansnow · 24/02/2023 00:23

Did they get their dad a card ?

FirstFallopians · 24/02/2023 00:32

I’d actually be sitting them both down and telling them clearly why you are hurt and disappointed.

That it isn’t about a card or gift, it’s the acknowledgment that it’s a special day for someone they’re supposed to love and care about, to show some kind of thought has gone into choosing something that they’d like, no matter how small.

I’d be gutted if my DS grows up to be one of the “D” H/Ps you read about on here who don’t recognise their wives/partners on their birthdays/Mother’s Day/Christmas. You’ve been given an opportunity to address this before it’s an adult issue.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/02/2023 00:38

I've always reminded DC about DH, MIL, FIL, Cousins birthdays so I think the very least DH could do is remind them about mine and provide some funds for them to do something. The very very least.
DC have said that they send online messages, often with funny photos rather than Cards. and one said cards will be extinct in 5 years. I said .. hopefully I won't be and I will still want a card from you.
It sounds like you need to instill the importance of remembering your birthday as it seems your DH won't. Its because they haven't really been earning and had funds or been in the habit of it because all that is normally left to you.
It shouldn't be that way, but tell them how you feel, ask how they would feel if you just didn't bother. I bet it will be an eye opener. Make a list of reasonably priced things you'd like or what you'd like to do on your birthday. People always assume these things should be a surprise, but plan something together because at the end of the day - you don't wnat to end up with nothing and they don't want to suddenly realise and feel horrible. This way you can instill a tradition and then tell them they need to keep it going.

Ihatethenewlook · 24/02/2023 00:42

Did they get their dad anything?

WentForAWalk · 24/02/2023 00:52

Depending on the ages, I'd forget their next birthdays.

TheSandgroper · 24/02/2023 01:03

I would go nuclear. It’s basic respect to acknowledge the effort you put in for the rest of the year.

And next year remind them forcefully about their responsibilities to show that basic respect. After that, you may never need to remind them again.

GriddleScone · 24/02/2023 01:16

You are not alone. Both DS and DD forgot mine last week. DS was reminded a few days later and said 'happy birthday, let me know if you want something.' 😒

Ireallydohope · 24/02/2023 01:33

I always give a reminder in advance. I have no expectations that they're ever going to remember my birthday properly with all the drama in my teens lives

Tourmalines · 24/02/2023 01:49

Nip it in the bud now and let them know how you feel otherwise they will probably never get you a card or gift in the future . Some kids need reminding that they act thoughtless.

SpookyBlackCat · 24/02/2023 03:29

I just buy a cake and we eat it together. Thats good enough for me. I think different people have different expectations of birthdays. My brother has never really acknowledged my birthday. My mum likes a card, so I send her one, but I think younger people see cards as a waste of time. Maybe adjust your expectations rather than getting so upset.

chartreuseabuse · 24/02/2023 03:47

Let them know that as they've decided not to celebrate birthdays now that they won't be getting anything on their's. That you're letting them know now so they don't feel as disappointed as you did. After they have complained pick a day on the weekend to re-celebrate your birthday and tell them to put some effort in or you really will be celebrating your birthday alone elsewhere and not theirs.

PurpleParrots · 24/02/2023 04:03

Happy Birthday OP 🎂

Ugh! Sons eh! Just forget their birthdays this year. They’ll remember yours next year 😉

Been there, got the tshirt

JaffaCake70 · 24/02/2023 04:26

I remember feeling really sad one year when neither of my Sons got me a Mother's day card.

When the younger Son, who was a teenager at the time, realised how upset I was, he went out and bought a card and some chocolates. I very much appreciated the gesture, but the wound of neither of them having a card there for me in the morning still stung.

Mothering can be a thankless task.

Happy Birthday OP 💐