Not leave catering to a 3 year old

[MarthaMC]

OK slightly misleading subject but it's my DMs 70th in 2 weeks and there's a big family meal booked. My DS has told me her 3 year old wants to make the birthday cake to take to the restaurant, in a novelty animal shape. I gently enquired as to whether I should order a backup and the response from DS was to wait and see how cake baking goes, maybe they'll do it, maybe they won't, or maybe they'll do it for a different day etc - she'll let me know...

I'm a bit annoyed because ordering a nice cake usually needs 1-2 weeks notice and as cute as the idea of 3 year old baking is it's putting a lot of faith in her skills for a big occasion. Am I just being miserable and a wonky toddler baked cake would actually be really lovely or would you rather have a professional cake for a big birthday event and save the toddler's for at home? Note my DS is not known for cooking/baking ability.

The vast majority of parents are able to supervise toddlers around baking activities to avoid their bodily fluids becoming part of the mix.

Although in reality most 3 year olds get bored and wander off after about 10 minutes.

Both my mother and my MIL would sulk so hard it might well be fatal. This doesn’t make them reasonable, but when you have difficult relatives these are the compromises you make.
I imagine that if you have nice appreciative family members you might want to make them happy, so hopefully OP’s situation is the latter.

To those saying I should have put sis on cake duty you're right in hindsight I should have said that, it's just an automatic reflex for me to offer to organise things.

R.e. my imminent due date, due in just over 3 weeks and figured first babies are usually late? Will throw hospital bag in the car though. Watch this space for the 'I went into labour at birthday party...' thread lol

Whilst that’s true, not all parents have the same level of hygiene/don’t think it applies when it’s their own little sweethearts germs going into the mixture. This of course doesn’t apply to all parents, but trust me, having worked in childcare a lot, I’ve seen it certainly applies to many.

R.e. my imminent due date, due in just over 3 weeks and figured first babies are usually late?

They are often late but I naively assumed this would mean baby was late as did everyone else in my antenatal class as we heard it so often. What actually happened was that out of 10 babies only 2 were late. Definitely take your notes and hospital bag.

so I often made cakes with my kids.

From a young age, they stood on a chair and held the mixer, spooned in the flour etc.
They knew to keep hands out, and because they were closely supervised the cakes were always fine. They then put the candles on all crooked, and hey presto a cake 'made' by a 3 year old.

I have never understood mumsnet horror about any cooking done with children, perfectly possible to do it hygenically.

But there are some key differences here

1. your siste ris not known for her cake making abilities which means it probably won't be any good, and that she is not used to doing it with her child. But then no-one actually has to eat any if they don;t wnat to.
2. the fact she said - maybe they will and maybe they won't. That is the worst thing in this scenario. She should say - we'll bring the cake. Either we'll make one the day before, or I'll go and buy one and dear near nephew/neice can stick some decorations/candles on it.

I think she is going to be offended if you turn up with a cake. So I'd check with her in advance as to how it is going and suggest you bring a back up in case one cake isn't enough. Then is cake turns up, stick candles on that one a make a fuss.

OK, it's making a bit more sense now. Your sister is the flaky one, you are the organised one.

But why - at 8 1/2 months! - are you micromanaging this?
It's a bloody cake.

It will either be ok, or not, & you will habve either 1, 2, or zero cakes at the birthday lunch. Why all the stressing over it? Surely your mum is more interested in seeing you than eating cake, especially as you are meeting to eat lunch?!

Good lord. Just tell her you won't order a back up cake and be clear. And she can order one or go out and buy one if the cake making goes pants. And tbh a cake by a 3 year old will be made by her in reality with a little bit of input surely.

I would let her crack on and not give it another thought. Any cake can be a vehicle for candles and singing happy birthday and I assume the restaurant serves dessert so there will be other options available if the cake is inedible.

A 3 year old can’t make the whole cake surely? My youngest is very reliable and sensible for her age. In lockdown when 3.5 I recall she could measure/weigh things, grease/line tins, set timers and even operate the stand mixer with supervision & a bit of help clicking the bowl in & out. No way could she have read the recipe, put cake in or taken out of the oven or managed the icing without help. I have seen some young ones on junior masterchef but not that tiny

Where have you got 'all the stressing' and 'micromanaging' from? I've asked a question to a forum, gone with the consensus of ordering a backup cake (and ordered said cake online), let my sis know then relaxed with a cuppa to read the rest of the humorous responses. Being pregnant doesn't suddenly make me incapable of basic tasks. Stop projecting 😂

Good reply. I hate it when posters project hysteria onto OPs to try to undermine them or prop up their own ‘I’m so chilled’ assumed persona.

It's not projection, as I'm neither pregnant or a cake-fancier, & where I’ve got it from is you, where else? It's you your mum wants to see, not a cake - chill!

whether I should order a backup and the response from DS was to wait and see how cake baking goes, maybe they'll do it, maybe they won't, or maybe they'll do it for a different day etc - she'll let me know...

I'm a bit annoyed

Am I just being miserable

I guess I'm more worried about it turning up at all/being edible.

it's been an ongoing theme with the whole not committing to plans etc. until very last minute and to me a 70th birthday is a pretty important occasion

it's just an automatic reflex for me to offer to organise things.

No hytseria projection from me.

Just observation, & a recommendation to stop stressing about a cake, or cakes, & avoid compensating for her sister's flakiness by trying to micromanage her.

If the three year old does make a cake you should take it from them when they arrive and put it in the bin immediately. It will have a soggy bottom of snot, poo and gubbins.

Nope, since we're telling people how they feel I'm going to stick with you being completely hysterical and any further denial proof of this. Please try and calm yourself down, take deep breaths, try some yoga?

It's your sisters wish washy attitude to it that's the actual problem "maybe they'll do it, maybe they won't, or maybe they'll do it for a different day etc - she'll let me know..."

Tell her that she's in charge of the cake. If she doesn't make one she needs to buy one. Not your problem.

I would think most grandparents would love a homemade cake by their grandchild rather than a shop bought ‘perfect’ cake.

Even if it was inedible and/or didn’t materialise?

Maybe I just really value good cake, but I think a lovely pro cake as well as a possible ‘charming’ effort by a three year old is the way to go. 😁

Homemade is definitely better no matter what it looks like. So that part is unreasonable. The fact she doesn't know whether she will do it or not is extremely annoying as if you want a local cake baker to do it you usually need to give a month's notice at least. All my family prefer homemade over bought, either from a shop or local baker because it shows you've made the time and effort to make something even if it is a bit wonky and not perfect x

I'd go with the homemade cake over the bought one generally but actually the problem here isn't homemade vs ordered, it's "maybe homemade if we get round to it" vs "potentially no cake unless you order a backup", which is a completely different argument! I'd definitely be ordering the backup in this situation.