Not leave catering to a 3 year old

[MarthaMC]

OK slightly misleading subject but it's my DMs 70th in 2 weeks and there's a big family meal booked. My DS has told me her 3 year old wants to make the birthday cake to take to the restaurant, in a novelty animal shape. I gently enquired as to whether I should order a backup and the response from DS was to wait and see how cake baking goes, maybe they'll do it, maybe they won't, or maybe they'll do it for a different day etc - she'll let me know...

I'm a bit annoyed because ordering a nice cake usually needs 1-2 weeks notice and as cute as the idea of 3 year old baking is it's putting a lot of faith in her skills for a big occasion. Am I just being miserable and a wonky toddler baked cake would actually be really lovely or would you rather have a professional cake for a big birthday event and save the toddler's for at home? Note my DS is not known for cooking/baking ability.

Just make the cake your DS’s responsibility surely? Then it’s up to her to deliver.

You should have just made this about your sister rather than the 3 year old ‘helping’ - she’s flakey, hasn’t actually made any commitment, and isn’t a decent baker.

I’d definitely order a cake!

Order one as backup simply because your sister isn’t actually committing to bringing one! How irritating. Doesn’t matter whether it’s baked by a 3yo or not, she needs to give a yes/no.

Most restaurants don't allow home made food because of cross contamination and unknown allergens.

OOOMG, OP, I'm sorry, I read "DS" as son and I made your niece your granddaughter (I didn't think through that your mum is 70) 😏But still, you're right about cake.

I think the needs a "that would be lovely but Granny can have 2 cakes" scenario. Everyone knows 2 cakes are better than 1.

Do not get stuck with picking up the pieces if she decides not to do it. If you say yes to her making one, it needs to be your son's responsibility to supply an alternative cake if needed. But given the timings it would probably be an off the shelf one. This is not about the 3 year old, this is about your son taking responsibility like an adult, if it's so important to him.

sorry yes, crossposted, sister not son

My mother and MIL would find a cake their grandchild had helped produce the Best Cake Ever. My brother was genuinely touched on being presented with Peppa Pig cupcakes from his nieces. (One of those baking kits which make pretty inedible thongs)

Its not just cake.

We never do ‘ordered’ cakes. Home made is so much more in the spirit than professionally crafters perfection at huge expense for something where the whole point is to cut it up and chew it.

I am of an age to have grandchildren and do not really want to see money spent on a commercial cake. But maybe your family is different.

Tell your DS that she has volunteered to take responsibility for cake production.

Waitrose and M&S do excellent celebration cakes if anything needed at the last minute.

Will the restaurant allow a brought-in cake?

There’s no way I would eat a cake that a 3 year old had “baked”. I’m probably not the only one. Plus, if flakey sis doesn’t produce a cake, your DM (and other cake-loving attendees) might be disappointed, so I would order a cake.

I wouldn't take a cake to a restaurant. Order their puddings. It's unfair on the restaurant. Keep the cake fir home. And yes- I'd order a spare.

This.
Let DS deal with the mad rush to M&S.

Order a cake and drop the 3yo's effort on the floor by 'accident'. Everyone who's not already sharing germs with the little angel will thank you 😂.

Will the mum not be the one finishing it etc?
I wouldnt order an expensive cake, you can get lovely cakes from places like patisserie valarie etc the same day, and I'd have two cakes for the dinner.

@Seeline

'If it's a big do, then surely a 3yo home made animal cake won't be big enough?'

A 3yo might be planning a life-sized elephant cake...
(although, of course, it would have to be baked in sections and then assembled at the restaurant).

The 3 year old does not want to make the cake, they want to decorate it by throwing a shit tonne of sprinkles on it at the end causing it to be inedible. Well that’s what my 4 year old has always done anyway. I would definitely order a backup cake.

I think you should lighten up, it's only family attending, and a normal size cake would suffice. Also, the 3 year old will probably only crack an egg, do a bit of stirring, it will mostly be your sister doing the baking. Also, does it matter if it's decorated in a non-professional manner - I don't think it matters at all

For what it's worth I think professional cakes are not baked with love, have too much fondant icing, can be very dry if baked too soon in advance of the event, cost too much because you have to cover all the overheads and time that professional baker needs to make/ decorate a cake to a good standard.

Big vote here for letting the sis and three year old bake.

Fwiw you risk coming across as ungenerous if you don't let them bake, and ungrateful if you get a back up cake.

Still order the back up but not make a big deal of it (maybe don’t mention it unless there is a cake disaster on the day). You can never have too much cake so you can’t go wrong really.

Well it's your sister's problem now, so don't worry about it. Just eat a large meal in case it, well, tastes like a cake made by a 3 year old.

Doesn’t make it inedible; makes it crunchier! I’m always happy to eat toddler-baked cake but then my DC don’t stick their fingers up their bum, we wash hands before baking and also the oven surely kills any nursery germs – and personally I find the “giant heap of sprinkles” aesthetic very sweet. I can imagine OP’s DM would love it. The problem is, DS won’t necessarily do it – or will bake it on another day?! Or maybe not. Perhaps she’ll decorate it with flake.

Let the kid and her mom make it - it's a sweet idea. Just (politely) say to your sister, can she take responsibility for the cake then, so if the baking doesn't work out please can she buy one and bring that?

Then you don't have to worry about it and can just focus on any aspects of the event you are organising.

If the worst comes to the worst and there is no cake it's not the end of the world - it's not like the whole celebration hinges on this one aspect. I

can see you want the event to be really special which is lovely of you, but for your own stress levels try and let this bit of it go.

I’m always happy to eat toddler-baked cake but then my DC don’t stick their fingers up their bum, we wash hands before baking and also the oven surely kills any nursery germs

Mine doesn't stick his fingers up his bum either but I still wouldn't want to eat a cake he had contributed to.

He coughs without always covering his mouth, is always snotty and sometimes wipes this snot on his hands, he sneezes into open air and picks his nose when he thinks I'm not looking basically he's like most 3 year olds and whilst the oven may kill the germs I would still rather not eat what he's made or serve it for a person's birthday and many others wouldn't either.

I think you should delegate all cake responsibility to DSis. Make it clear that if toddler cake doesn’t work out she has to organise the alternative.

Order a nice cake for the meal out.

the THREE year old can take the cake (if there even is one) around to granny's house.

no three year old is going to object to two cakes at different times!

...& frankly even if they did, 🤷🏻‍♀️It's not her birthday!

your DS is being unreasonable & ridiculous.

The “we may make a cake” attitude would annoy me when it’s for the actual party.

Also, some people may not want a cake made and decorated by a 3 year old, not because it’s not cute, but because 3 year olds often enjoy adding sneezes, coughs and fingers which have been up their nose (or worse places) to the recipe. I never enjoy eating cakes made by toddlers.