Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not leave catering to a 3 year old

97 replies

MarthaMC · 23/02/2023 09:13

OK slightly misleading subject but it's my DMs 70th in 2 weeks and there's a big family meal booked. My DS has told me her 3 year old wants to make the birthday cake to take to the restaurant, in a novelty animal shape. I gently enquired as to whether I should order a backup and the response from DS was to wait and see how cake baking goes, maybe they'll do it, maybe they won't, or maybe they'll do it for a different day etc - she'll let me know...

I'm a bit annoyed because ordering a nice cake usually needs 1-2 weeks notice and as cute as the idea of 3 year old baking is it's putting a lot of faith in her skills for a big occasion. Am I just being miserable and a wonky toddler baked cake would actually be really lovely or would you rather have a professional cake for a big birthday event and save the toddler's for at home? Note my DS is not known for cooking/baking ability.

OP posts:
Newmum0322 · 23/02/2023 10:48

I would leave this as ‘they’re doing/responsible for the cake’. If they make a cute homemade one great, if it’s a ready made M&S job then it’s theirs to bring.

You should focus on decorations or drink or something else.

Mariposista · 23/02/2023 10:51

Back up. It’s a special occasion and your mother deserves a nice cake.

SomersetBrie · 23/02/2023 10:52

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 23/02/2023 10:14

@Seeline

'If it's a big do, then surely a 3yo home made animal cake won't be big enough?'

A 3yo might be planning a life-sized elephant cake...
(although, of course, it would have to be baked in sections and then assembled at the restaurant).

I am totally hoping it is this!

afinishedkiss · 23/02/2023 10:58

Bloody ridiculous! Ohhh look what Oscar made! Every one clap and a dogs dinner on a plate that nobody wants to touch. Fuck that.

Paq · 23/02/2023 10:59

Honestly, I think a wonky, under baked cake from a tiny family member is charming and fabulous. It's these kinds of memories that make a family.

ItchyBillco · 23/02/2023 11:01

I mean, the three year old spitting and doing god knows what is probably bad enough, but the ‘we might, we might not’ is the real problem.

“Sister, make your repulsive toddler cake, mum will love it, but I’ll get one ordered for her as well so that everyone can take some home, too.” And say no more about it.

Seems mental to have to even have that conversation but there we go. Your sister sounds like an overindulgent dope.

ItchyBillco · 23/02/2023 11:02

Paq · 23/02/2023 10:59

Honestly, I think a wonky, under baked cake from a tiny family member is charming and fabulous. It's these kinds of memories that make a family.

Yeah, I wouldn’t want to eat that though. I’d rather have both. Especially as if the ‘wonky, underbaked’ cake doesn’t even materialise, then she’s left with nothing.

CatJumperTwat · 23/02/2023 11:16

Will your mum be touched and love a crap cake baked by her great-granddaughter, or would she prefer a nice shop-bought one?

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 23/02/2023 11:20

I would want a decent cake to cut/share/take pics of if it's in a restaurant.
In fact, in your shoes, I would order one today.

Original poster
MarthaMC · 23/02/2023 11:27

I haven't managed to read all the responses yet but have been in stitches with the comments on toddler hygiene, that never even crossed my mind!! No children currently myself but 8.5 months pregnant so it's all to come...

I think I'll leave it til nearer the date, check for progress and get a nice as possible supermarket one as a backup, I can ice a message on myself. Do agree it's a super cute idea to have a cake from a grandchild over a generic shop one, it's just the execution of it I'm worried about. If one materialises guess we'll have two cakes!

Also apologies for the son/sister confusion I'm not yet down with all the mumsnet abbreviations 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
MarthaMC · 23/02/2023 11:30

Saltywalruss · 23/02/2023 09:19

What would your mum want? And are you allowed to take a home made cake to the restaurant?

I think she'd like the homemade, I guess I'm more worried about it turning up at all/being edible. Restaurant agreed to cake as far as I'm aware but doubt it was mentioned it might be home made

OP posts:
AreBearsCatholic · 23/02/2023 11:31

Ask the restaurant how much notice they need to make a cake (IME it’s often been the day before) and whether they charge cakeage for a homemade cake (or permit them at all).
It’s always good to have a choice of chocolate and non-chocolate so you can ask your sister which she wants then order the other. Or perhaps your mum has a favourite cake.
Any guests with allergies so you could order a dairy-free cake as a back-up but with a good alibi?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/02/2023 11:31

Will anyone live or die if they don't have cake?

Chances are, you won't be able to take a homemade one into the restaurant anyway. Problem solved.

newmum0604 · 23/02/2023 11:31

So you're due in 2 weeks and the meal is in 2 weeks? Doesn't sound like your responsibility!

Original poster
MarthaMC · 23/02/2023 11:34

IncompleteSenten · 23/02/2023 09:22

I'd order a cake and just not tell anyone. Bring it if needed. Eat it myself if not.

No way would I be eating anything made by (more accurately with the 'help' of) a three year old.

I vividly remember at that age the only time mine took their finger out of their nose was to shove it up their arse.

No thank you.

Crying!! That's me never eating anything a toddler has contributed to making then 😂

Keeping a cake to myself sounds like a good idea though...

OP posts:
R0ckets · 23/02/2023 11:39

Keeping a cake to myself sounds like a good idea though

If you're mere weeks away from having a baby then absolutely keep the cake for yourself if another one from your sister either brought or homemade materialises! Although in 2 weeks time you might be in labour actually have a baby so what happens then, is there a back up plan?

EyesOnThePies · 23/02/2023 11:39

It doesn't matter if it isn't especially edible.

I wouldn't produce the back up cake if your DSis brings toddler cake - you will look controlling and undermining. I would be pissed off if my sister did this without having discussed it with me.

Your Mum presumably knows and loves here Dd and DGc , for better for worse.

Original poster
MarthaMC · 23/02/2023 11:39

MirabelMax · 23/02/2023 09:49

As others have said, it would be the flakiness of your sister that would annoy me rather than a 3 year old helping make a cake. Because that's what we're talking about here, clearly no 3 year old can actually make a cake.

The maybe we'll provide a cake maybe we won't would do my head in.

100% this, it's been an ongoing theme with the whole not committing to plans etc. until very last minute and to me a 70th birthday is a pretty important occasion

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 23/02/2023 11:39

I think I must have had a knock to the head because I think it sounds like quite a sweet idea!

and I agree to leave it to your sister if it all goes wrong, she can do the mercy dash to M&S

ShirleyPhallus · 23/02/2023 11:41

clearly no 3 year old can actually make a cake

<cue hundreds of humble brag posts about people’s 8 month olds making gateaus and pavalova from scratch>

Doingmybest12 · 23/02/2023 11:43

I couldn't work out who DS was but it makes sense if it is your sister. In which case she has equal responsibility/duty as you. I'd take it that she is organising a cake maybe with help of her child . I would just place it back with her and say you'll leave it with her to either bake or buy the cake in some polite message.

Magentax · 23/02/2023 11:45

Why wouldn't you just say great you're on cake duty then and leave her to it. She can either bake a cake (and it will be her, not a 3 year old obviously) or buy one.

I'd imagine you might be a bit busy to ice a supermarket cake in two weeks if you're 8.5 months pregnant!

Paq · 23/02/2023 11:46

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 23/02/2023 11:20

I would want a decent cake to cut/share/take pics of if it's in a restaurant.
In fact, in your shoes, I would order one today.

I think "having lovely photos" has over influenced events. What really matters is in the moment.

gogohmm · 23/02/2023 11:46

The home baked one is far nice and symbolic too. You can buy decent cakes from supermarket in emergency, had a nice one from Waitrose recently for dm's 70's. As an aside, Sainsbury's had a decent vegan gluten free cake

MrsClatterbuck · 23/02/2023 11:46

IncompleteSenten · 23/02/2023 09:22

I'd order a cake and just not tell anyone. Bring it if needed. Eat it myself if not.

No way would I be eating anything made by (more accurately with the 'help' of) a three year old.

I vividly remember at that age the only time mine took their finger out of their nose was to shove it up their arse.

No thank you.

😳😳😅😅