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AIBU?

Pregnant, not allowed to eat at my desk

115 replies

elm26 · 22/02/2023 10:29

Hi

Our manager is well known for having what we call "one of her days" where she gets picky with us.

I work in a team of 17 in an office and have my own desk. I'm 26 weeks pregnant and already working reduced hours as I've suffered hyperemesis since 6 weeks.

Today, she's announced that none of us are allowed to eat at our desks any longer as one banana skin was left in one of the bins overnight and she's told us about this and it makes her feel sick.

I've explained to her in private that if I don't pick/nibble at dry crackers at my desk I will be sick. It's the only thing that stops it. I'm still not allowed to eat.

She's refused my mat b1 form and wants the original which my midwife told me not to give as they can't issue another one if it gets lost, I offered a photocopy but she wants the original one.

What can I do in this situation???

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Brefugee · 22/02/2023 12:43

She has told us before the smell of banana skin makes her feel sick so it must be put in the big bin in the kitchen, I'm guessing one of our new members of staff put it in the bin closest to them. As you would do.

personally? I'm with her on the banana skin but she's overreacting. A reminder not to put banana skins (or other smelly food waste) in the small bins but use the big one instead would be appropriate.

Frankly? I'm also with her on eating at desks. With reasonable exceptions. Which yours is.

Could you just carry on and if she says something point out what pp said about protected characteristics etc?

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BooCrew · 22/02/2023 12:44

MelchiorsMistress · 22/02/2023 12:11

She sounds ridiculous, but personally I agree with not eating at desks. If that means you need a slight adjustment because of your pregnancy meaning that you need to be allowed to leave your desk for 5 mins every couple of hours them so be it. Biscuits shouldn’t be a problem but by allowing food at desks it means people could eat things that were nosy or smelly and it’s just unprofessional. I work in an environment where you can’t eat whenever you feel like it and pregnant women just have to manage around it. I image it would be worse for them if people were eating stinky food while they were trying to work.

If she worked in an environment where she really couldn't eat (e.g. laboratory), she would be signed off sick. Eating something dry at a desk is a reasonable adjustment to pregnancy illness.

I thankfully didn't have HG, but I did have constant nausea and nibbling on crisps all day was the only way I could stay in work.

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Palomabalom · 22/02/2023 12:47

elm26 · 22/02/2023 11:00

Thanks everyone.

She is HR so that's amazing 🫠 I've worked here 4 years and she's still as difficult as ever.

We are not even allowed mints or sweets at desk otherwise I could probably get through on sucking a mint or sherbet lemon.

In that case explain the risks to her of you not being able to sustain the correct blood sugar/ electrolytes balance . You could faint. You could be extremely sick and need to be hospitalised if it is a daily occurrence. I’ve been on a drip with hyperemesis and it’s serious. She needs to agree to regular snack breaks away from your desk then if she’s so pathetic she can’t stand you eating. The other thing if she kicks off is to get a GP note explaining your adjustments and a risk assessment. Stupid woman what an absolute idiot. Sorry makes my blood boil. It’s bad enough feeling so rough let alone having to be made to feel worse

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wildseas · 22/02/2023 12:48

You could just start working in the kitchen 😆

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Lavender14 · 22/02/2023 12:49

Are you part of a union or could you join one? They'd be able to contact her on your behalf and just remind her that you have certain protections as a pregnant employee and she needs to make reasonable adjustments. Have you done a maternity risk assessment with her yet? If you have I'd email and request you review it. Then add sickness and dizziness on it and the solution to that is eating whether at your desk or in the kitchen so she can pick where you do it but she can't stop you. I had severe morning sickness and I had an emergency stash of ginger biscuits and crackers in my desk drawer. Sickness was listed on my risk assessment. As i had gd I also had to be given time to test my bloods and I had to eat regularly to avoid low blood sugars. She's not fulfilling her obligations as an employer. I'd try one more time to resolve it with her (she sounds ridiculous so doubt it'll go anywhere) do it formally, request the meeting in writing and the review of risk assessment, you can even get a coworker you trust to sit in or a union rep and detail your concerns and give proposed solutions like you go to the kitchen to eat when you feel sick or you have non smelly or perishable food at your desk and will manage your own bin. If she declines then I'd tell her you feel she is not making reasonable adjustments in light of your pregnancy and by putting you at risk of further sick leave, is actually discriminating against you as a pregnant employee by making it increasingly difficult to fulfil duties you could otherwise fulfil. Tell her you intend to seek further guidance on this and you will keep her informed of the outcome of that as you are keen to find a resolution. Id then email her with exactly what was discussed in the meeting and that you intend to contact citizens advice/ union rep/ maternity action etc. Hopefully if she's fit to be in hr she'll realise she's in the wrong but if she doesn't I'd follow through and get someone else involved. I'd cc whoever is above her in the email too to keep them aware so she can't cover her own tracks. She sounds like a bit of a bully and terrible at her job but the law etc is on your side.

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Codlingmoths · 22/02/2023 12:49

I had hg and i wouldn’t have made it through work days without snacks. I just didn’t get enough food without trying to eat something tiny every hour or so, and the middle of the day was the best time for eating. If I worked a bit later I’d be too tired for my stomach to cope with any food in the evening. And that was mild hg, I wasn’t hospitalised. I would totally send that email I suggested because fuck her.

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QuertyGirl · 22/02/2023 12:51

Aquamarine1029 · 22/02/2023 12:40

I'd completely ignore her. There's not a thing she can do about you eating crackers at your desk.

This.

You do not need permission for medical necessities. Eating while pregnant is necessary.

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SmurfingGoodTime · 22/02/2023 12:52

Get as much as you can in writing. Her behaviour is not on!

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elm26 · 22/02/2023 12:53

Thanks everyone.

I emailed and asked for her to confirm in writing as pregnancy is a protected characteristic and reasonable adjustments have to be made and I was pulled into her office and called "aggressive" and she backtracked and said I'm allowed my crackers, ginger biscuits and fruit at my desk.

Honestly can't wait to get out of here for maternity but will also miss my team.

The thing is, none of us eat hot or smelly food at desks anyway. We have a kitchen where people eat warmed up chilli con carne etc if they have it. The most people have at the desk is soup in a mug or a sandwich.

We're all really tired of her pettiness.

OP posts:
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elm26 · 22/02/2023 12:54

wildseas · 22/02/2023 12:48

You could just start working in the kitchen 😆

This made me giggle

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elm26 · 22/02/2023 12:55

I'd just like to add that I'm probably about as aggressive as a goldfish is so actually in shock that she called me aggressive.

I told her it's not aggressive to ask for something to be confirmed in writing, it's a basic right.

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letthemalldoone · 22/02/2023 12:56

I’ve worked in HR most of my working life and I swear, it seems to attract nutjobs (not me lol!)

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SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 22/02/2023 12:56

It's her not you. 🐠 😁

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elm26 · 22/02/2023 12:56

I also had no idea what a risk assessment for pregnancy was so no she hasn't completed one with me.

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SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 22/02/2023 12:57

Well done on your non aggressive push back... It's a basic right... 🙌

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RosetteNebula · 22/02/2023 12:59

elm26 · 22/02/2023 12:55

I'd just like to add that I'm probably about as aggressive as a goldfish is so actually in shock that she called me aggressive.

I told her it's not aggressive to ask for something to be confirmed in writing, it's a basic right.

Oh some people just love to accuse others of being aggressive the second they say something they don't like.

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IMustDoMoreExercise · 22/02/2023 13:01

@elm26

When you have a new starter, make sure you tell them about things like leaving banana skins in the bins (although I would have thougth that most people would realise not to put smelly food in the office bins).

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WiIson · 22/02/2023 13:01

elm26 · 22/02/2023 12:55

I'd just like to add that I'm probably about as aggressive as a goldfish is so actually in shock that she called me aggressive.

I told her it's not aggressive to ask for something to be confirmed in writing, it's a basic right.

Good for you. She sounds hideous.

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inloveandmarried · 22/02/2023 13:05

elm26 · 22/02/2023 12:53

Thanks everyone.

I emailed and asked for her to confirm in writing as pregnancy is a protected characteristic and reasonable adjustments have to be made and I was pulled into her office and called "aggressive" and she backtracked and said I'm allowed my crackers, ginger biscuits and fruit at my desk.

Honestly can't wait to get out of here for maternity but will also miss my team.

The thing is, none of us eat hot or smelly food at desks anyway. We have a kitchen where people eat warmed up chilli con carne etc if they have it. The most people have at the desk is soup in a mug or a sandwich.

We're all really tired of her pettiness.

You weren't being aggressive you were being assertive. Don't let her misinterpretation bring you down. She sounds like a nightmare.

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elm26 · 22/02/2023 13:06

IMustDoMoreExercise · 22/02/2023 13:01

@elm26

When you have a new starter, make sure you tell them about things like leaving banana skins in the bins (although I would have thougth that most people would realise not to put smelly food in the office bins).

I don't know if it definitely was.

It's not my job to tell people what they can and can't do, I'm not a manager. I get paid to do my work and then go home.

If I saw somebody about to do it I'd obviously remind them to save them getting in trouble but I'm not going to police the bins.

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Ladyofthesea · 22/02/2023 13:09

MelchiorsMistress · 22/02/2023 12:11

She sounds ridiculous, but personally I agree with not eating at desks. If that means you need a slight adjustment because of your pregnancy meaning that you need to be allowed to leave your desk for 5 mins every couple of hours them so be it. Biscuits shouldn’t be a problem but by allowing food at desks it means people could eat things that were nosy or smelly and it’s just unprofessional. I work in an environment where you can’t eat whenever you feel like it and pregnant women just have to manage around it. I image it would be worse for them if people were eating stinky food while they were trying to work.

It's not always 5 min every few hours. I've had days where I needed to sip a drink or suck on a sweet every five minutes to keep me from vomiting.

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Santasoorplooms · 22/02/2023 13:11

Well done on your assertiveness op 👏👏👏and congrats on your pregnancy.

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AngeloMysterioso · 22/02/2023 13:14

We're all really tired of her pettiness.

only one thing for it… incite a rebellion. If it’s everyone against her… what’s she gonna do, fire the lot of you for snacking at your desks?

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Thelnebriati · 22/02/2023 13:22

Contact ACAS today. Pregnancy is a protected characteristic.

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stayathomer · 22/02/2023 13:29

I get the banana thing as I have a banana lover here and when he eats one in the car the place is stunk out but it's hardly a reason to ban crackers and sucky sweets! I don't know how to help though and I lived on crackers for each pregnancy so sympathy to you

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