AIBU to just put her back in nappies?? It’s been over 6 months…

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I’m really lost on what to do. My DD is almost 3. I’ve realised that we have been potty training now since August and she still has wee accidents every single day!!

I’m just exhausted. She’s an incredibly strong willed child and I feel like I’ve tried everything -

Constant reminders (it is always a ‘no’ even if she then wets herself 5 minutes later)
Sticker charts and a sticker every time she uses toilet or potty and no accident (with a super special sparkly sticker if she goes a whole day which we’ve never been able to use since I introduced it 3 weeks ago as she literally wets herself every day)
A potty alarm which she loved but that became an issue as she literally wouldn’t go for a wee when she needed it as she wanted the alarm to go off and turn it off herself
A phone app where she had a call from ‘Rachel’ when she went for a wee which was very exciting and initially helped her ‘get’ using a potty back in September.
Physically putting her on the potty or toilet every hour (this seems to work the best as I always get a wee out of her usually, but the problem is after she’s had a drink. I have a younger baby and I’m just overwhelmed in general on a daily basis caring for them both while DH is at work, and I miss timings after she’s had a drink as then I need to do it every 30 minutes and even then I could miss it)

She has been fully trained for poos pretty much the whole 6 months. No issue. It’s just wees.

She just seems to not be aware when she has the need to wee? She only realises after some has come out. Half the time she doesn’t even care her pants and trousers are wet, the other half she announces she’s had an accident or just removed her trousers and pants herself and does the rest of it.

She’s much better when we’re out and about weirdly enough. She’s only had three accidents when out, once at toddler group and twice on a walk. Although we don’t really go out much longer than an hour at a time so could just be luck.

She starts nursery next month. They said they can help with potty training if I need it. I just don’t want to have to send her in every day with 4 pairs or pants and trousers!

I’ve been reluctant to put her back in nappies as everyone’s said just keep at it, don’t go backwards you’ll confuse her, etc. but I am so stressed out about this. I’m awake at 2.30am just because of this - baby is fast asleep and hasn’t woken for a feed yet but im posting this on mumsnet as i cannot sleep because of it.

Please help. And please don’t suggest family and friends for help as I have no one.

I've been where you are. My 6 year old was an absolute nightmare to train when he was nearly 3 and I had a baby at the same time too. He is also incredibly strong willed and bright and everything has to be on his terms. I would personally say no to going back to nappies as it might confuse your daughter especially when she's pooing fine and okay when out and about. Can you try scrapping all reminders and seeing what happens? What is she drinking? Blackcurrant and orange squash are diuretics but peach squash ok. My son needed a potty really close to him wherever he was playing and over time we moved it gradually away towards the downstairs loo. Another thing he responded to was buying pants with characters on and explaining they didn't want to be wet etc. Lastly have you checked she's fully emptying each time, after she goes ask her to remain on potty for 30 secs after and see if she had any more wee to come. Sorry if you've tried all of this, I feel so desperately for you. Probably not what you want to hear but I promise it's not forever. My son didn't fully "get it" until he was 3.5 and I truly believe it was because he was just too busy wanting to play to care etc. There's no concerns now, he never wets himself.

She's only 2 ☹️ Too young. Try again in August hen it's good weather.

If she's having accidents every day then she's not ready to go nappy free...did the same thing with Ds and tried to make it Happen when he wasn't ready. In the end I put him back in Nappies and now and again would just have naply free time with the potty out in the front room and he started doing it without being asked ...he was 3 5 when we were able to go a day without an accident xx

I think if would be a shame to put her back in nappies if she's got the poos cracked- I think that could be confusing.

For some reason failing at potty training feels like a MASSIVE deal and directly related to your ability as a parent (which it isn't, btw, but it's a classic 2.30 in the morning thought when you're already tired and fretting).

I do wonder if relaxing a bit might yield better results. I.e trusting her a bit more to go when she wants to. She will know its a big deal to you given the sticker charts, apps, etc and it may have become a bit of a power play if she's stubborn.

Have you read "Oh Crap!"? She's got a good insight into the psychology of potty training if I recall.

I attempted potty training at your DD age and promptly gave up as my DS was clearly not ready, straight back to pull ups!

Poos we're 90% on the toilet from around 3yrs (never a potty, he preferred the toilet).

He continued in pull up pants until about 3.5 yrs when he just started asking to use the toilet both at home and at nursery. Once he started to ask we switched him over to big boy pants and he was absolutely fine, not a single accident. When they know, they know.

Another vote here for back to nappies.
When a child is not ready they are not ready. DS is 2y8m, and still happy to sit in poop and wet clothes without a word so I haven't tried potty training. We talk about it and he's aware of what a potty is etc but ill try when he's older and more are to understand.

*able

Stop putting her on the potty all the time . Putting her on and making her wee when her bladder isn't full yet sends mixed signals. You are not giving her a chance to listen to her own body.
Spend a few days at home and don't mention the word potty. Take the pressure off her completely. If she has an accident then just change her and don't make a big deal out of it.

She's only 2 ☹️ Too young. Try again in August hen it's good weather

2 (almost 3) is absolutely not too young

I wouldn't go back to nappies with her being nearly three. I was having a similar problem with my daughter when she was two and a half but my hairdresser gave me some great advice which sounds horrible and mean but was extremely effective and sorted out the problem almost straight away.

Once they've had a few successful wees on the potty at that age (which sounds like the case) you can get a bit cross with them for weeing themselves. I know people on here will not agree with this but what you're doing obviously isn't working so you could at least try it.

Give her lots of praise about being a big girl who's going to nursery soon and explain that at nursery you have to go to the toilet/potty. Keep up the praise when she does wee or poo on the potty but if you ask her if she needs a wee, she says no and then wees her pants a few minutes later treat it as though she's being naughty because that's what babies do and big girls at nursery don't do that. If she thinks it's not acceptable it will make her think a bit more before doing it again.

Do what feels right for you but this worked so, so quickly with mine and a couple of weeks later she was dry at night too. It'll be obvious within a week or two whether this method is working or not.

Good luck anyway, you sound exhausted. This phase will pass.

My dd would never use a potty but went straight to toilet instead. I brought a little step stall and seemed to work. She was also a late developer and had her in pull ups to but lots of praise and worked out well

Give yourself a break! You've done a great job so far but it sounds like she isn't ready. Have a break for a couple of weeks and reevaluate then. She will get it! I promise!

This was exactly the situation with my little girl. I eventually put her back into the toilet training pull ups, which was a very good compromise. She never regressed with pooing, she continued using the toilet and potty for all number 2s. She was in the pull ups for only about a month before she cracked it and stopped having pee accidents. The pull ups are great because they catch a full wee and they still have that wet feeling so the child knows they’ve done it and it will encourage them
towards the potty.

I remember driving myself crazy because all the advise was to not go backwards, but we were 6 months of accidents and she especially had a favourite place of wetting her pants when sitting on the sofa and I was sick of everywhere stinking of wee. Be kind to yourself and take a break from it.

my daughter was really resistant to being out of nappies when we tried to train her age 2.5 - different from yours in that she would just hold her wee until she was screaming in agony rather than wee anywhere but in a nappy, but I do think that cognitively or attitude-wise maybe she wasn't there, and your daughter may not be either.
We took a break and tried again when she was about a month off 3 and I won't say it was painless but she definitely got it in a way she hadn't before, and was totally dry even overnight within 2 weeks. I'm personally glad that we stopped for a bit. I think she'd have ended up having a lot more trauma and stress around it if we'd carried on and it wasn't good for us as parents either - so so stressful and upsetting. I totally understand the sense of failure. If I were you, I would take a break and return to nappies, the big picture is that you need to look after yourself, your daughter and your new baby and if that means not pushing the potty training so be it.
I think if nursery are expecting and happy to help with potty training, that'll be a good time to start again. They'll take it way less personally than you; they'll be used to it; they'll have tricks; they'll be pretty used to kids getting through loads of changes of clothes each day. It's an option to take some of the pressure off you, I say you take it. She's really still very young and she will get there.
Hugs and solidarity to you, I know it's such a tough transition to make.

I'd definitely say back to nappies and then try again in a few months. All the advice you people give is so anecdotal, but I'll add to that by saying that I potty-trained my older DC just after 3, it was very low-stress and I can count on one hand the accidents we've had since then.

Just put her back into pull ups. Keep rewarding her for doing wees in the potty and make sure fresh pull ups are available for her to change into if she wants to and make sure you change her frequently enough that she is used to feeling dry.

My DS was only ready in the summer he turned 4, and we pushed it because he was starting school (summer born).

Some children just don't get to at that young age. Don't put yourself and her though all that angst.

Surely extra washing everyday (for at most a few months) will be worth it when she finally becomes trained? At our nursery you need to send 3 full changes of clothes everyday anyway regardless of trained/training or still in nappies.

I wouldnt go back to nappies. 3 is old enough. Is she only just three or 3 and half/nearer 4?

I bribed mine with chocolate. 😉 A big bag of maltesers and she got one for every successful wee. I'd have gone back into pull ups by now, give it a go in a few months time.

I think I tried two or three attempts at potty training my daughter before we were finally successful. She went back into nappies in between because I just couldn’t take the constant changing and cleaning. The stress of doing this for six months must be really difficult for you, especially if you have a baby as well.

We finally cracked it right after her third birthday. It was the week between Christmas and New Year, so my husband was home, and we just stayed home for a few days and got into a good routine. I read Oh Crap, which did help (just ignore the bits saying you’ve left it too late and missed the boat). In the end, she got it in that week and has had relatively few accidents since. Do you have a partner? If so, take a break for now. Then try to find a few days when you’ll both be home so it isn’t all on you to juggle it all. You might find that a little break and then a fresh start sees it all fall into place.

I would stick with it as she's almost there. She can do it if she is staying dry when she's out of the home. Assuming that it's for longer periods of time, not just short stints.

Do you think she's aware that it's more inconvenient/uncomfortable to have an accident away from home? That when she's at home she'll continue playing as she knows she can continue playing and just take the wet clothes off. Does she see it as less of an interruption to her playing to wet herself rather than stop and use the potty/toilet?

Or could she be relying on you to tell her when to go, rather than decide for herself? Maybe you could reward/turn into a game that she needs to tell you when she wants to go and gets a sticker/stamp when she gets it right/gets it in the potty?

My daughter has always been a big fan of games/jokes. With toilet training, I used to sing let's go for a wee wee on the potty to the tune of the conga, dance her to the toilet, then sing da-da-da-da-da psssh when she was on the toilet to encourage her to go. She thought that was hilarious and enjoyed the routine so was less resistant to any interruptions from playing.

I'd also go back to pull ups. She's almost ready but not there yet.

The telling off idea could work too. My DD had some poo issues at 3 following a period of dehydration. It took months to get her to not poo herself. In the end I got cross and said Father Christmas wouldn't come. It worked as she wanted Christmas more than she wanted to hold onto her poos.

Depends on your child though and whether they'd be ok with such an approach. I wouldn't have done it for my son.

I would have put her in nappies again after a couple of days! Mine wasn't ready until just after three. She then got immediately. Just turned three seems to be a sweet spot for a lot of girls.

When I started with my DD at nearly 3 it seemed like she just wasn’t getting it. I invested in chocolate buttons and it was like she was a different child. Reward charts aren’t necessarily an immediate enough gratification to be a good motivator at that age. Chocolate button every time she did a wee on the potty and I think we only had one or two accidents after that.

I second bribing with treats! Milky buttons worked a treat for us. Training mostly cracked in a week!

She continued having the odd accident at nursery for a while after, just because it's more exciting I think, but at home she was 100% reliable by two weeks.

My best guess is there’s too much anxiety around her weeing and she’s picking up on it. I wouldn’t go back to nappies tbh but I’d really try just not make a big deal or say anything about it the next couple of days. This worked with my son but it wasn’t wees it was poops.