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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to just put her back in nappies?? It’s been over 6 months…

58 replies

TwinkleStarWhatAre · 22/02/2023 02:30

I’m really lost on what to do. My DD is almost 3. I’ve realised that we have been potty training now since August and she still has wee accidents every single day!!

I’m just exhausted. She’s an incredibly strong willed child and I feel like I’ve tried everything -

Constant reminders (it is always a ‘no’ even if she then wets herself 5 minutes later)
Sticker charts and a sticker every time she uses toilet or potty and no accident (with a super special sparkly sticker if she goes a whole day which we’ve never been able to use since I introduced it 3 weeks ago as she literally wets herself every day)
A potty alarm which she loved but that became an issue as she literally wouldn’t go for a wee when she needed it as she wanted the alarm to go off and turn it off herself
A phone app where she had a call from ‘Rachel’ when she went for a wee which was very exciting and initially helped her ‘get’ using a potty back in September.
Physically putting her on the potty or toilet every hour (this seems to work the best as I always get a wee out of her usually, but the problem is after she’s had a drink. I have a younger baby and I’m just overwhelmed in general on a daily basis caring for them both while DH is at work, and I miss timings after she’s had a drink as then I need to do it every 30 minutes and even then I could miss it)

She has been fully trained for poos pretty much the whole 6 months. No issue. It’s just wees.

She just seems to not be aware when she has the need to wee? She only realises after some has come out. Half the time she doesn’t even care her pants and trousers are wet, the other half she announces she’s had an accident or just removed her trousers and pants herself and does the rest of it.

She’s much better when we’re out and about weirdly enough. She’s only had three accidents when out, once at toddler group and twice on a walk. Although we don’t really go out much longer than an hour at a time so could just be luck.

She starts nursery next month. They said they can help with potty training if I need it. I just don’t want to have to send her in every day with 4 pairs or pants and trousers!

I’ve been reluctant to put her back in nappies as everyone’s said just keep at it, don’t go backwards you’ll confuse her, etc. but I am so stressed out about this. I’m awake at 2.30am just because of this - baby is fast asleep and hasn’t woken for a feed yet but im posting this on mumsnet as i cannot sleep because of it.

Please help. And please don’t suggest family and friends for help as I have no one.

OP posts:

Twizbe · 22/02/2023 08:19

My DD tried to do that. She'd do a little dribble and demand a sticker.

We set the expectation that she had to do a 'big wee' to get a sticker.

Fundays12 · 22/02/2023 08:23

Dc3 started going through phases of wetting himself daily after being fully trained from just after his 2nd birthday (he was 3 years 3 months). The pre school nursery recommend getting him checked for a UTI. It turned out he did have one and couldn't feel when he needed to pee so I would suggest getting her checked first before putting her back in nappies

Justcashnosweets · 22/02/2023 08:49

Absolutely put her back in nappies! Don't keep trying if its causing her stress, thats a surefire way to long term toilet issues. And I say that as this happened to some of my friends. Dd was out of nappies at 3, almost 4, as any attempts to do so before were awful. She became so stressed that she would become hysterical. When we did decide it was time, we didn't make a fuss, we told her the day before that there would be no more nappies, and really made as little fuss as possible. Thankfully this worked and she had cracked it within 24 hours.
I know the popular opinion is that all children should be out of nappies by the age of 2, but thats just not realistic. Every child is different, and your DD will get there when she is ready.

AGoldenNarwhal · 22/02/2023 11:45

BritInAus · 22/02/2023 07:57

She doesn't sound at all ready. Some kids are at 2. Some much later. Why go through the agro of accidents every single day? Say she'll be ready at 3.5 years old. You can either start at 2, and have 18 months of wet underwear etc, or start at 3.5, and have it done in a week.

I agree with this. For lots of kids, it just gets easier as they get older. I tried with DC1 at 2.5. Three weeks of constant accidents. We tried again at 3.1. He got it easily. He only had a handful of accidents in the day after the first few weeks. Being dry at night has taken much longer though.

When DC2 is ready to start, our approach will be to go with the flow and wait until they are ready. It is really not worth the constant stress and missing days out. There are other, more worthwhile things for they and you to be concentrating on.

And I can't stress how much I disagree with any shaming/'telling-off' for accidents or toileting issues. This will just stress them and you out. Any accidents should be dealt with matter-of-factly without any comment. If you can't hide your annoyance because it's so stressful, it's definitely less harmful for your DC to go back into nappies.

TangledWebOfDeception · 22/02/2023 11:48

Thefaceofboe · 22/02/2023 03:48

She's only 2 ☹️ Too young. Try again in August hen it's good weather

2 (almost 3) is absolutely not too young

It most definitely is for some children! They don't come out as cookie cutter toddlers all with exactly the same abilities at exactly the same age. 🙄

cadburyegg · 22/02/2023 11:56

BritInAus · 22/02/2023 07:57

100% agree with this.

I tried twice with DS1 before he turned 3, didn't work. Constant accidents, toilet refusal. Had a break for his sake but also ours as DS2 was born. Tried again when he was 3y 3m. He got it within a week.

With DS2 I didn't bother trying before he turned 3, I took May half term off work when he was 3y 2m and potty trained then. He got it within a few days. His key worker was shocked when he went back to preschool the week after completely dry.

Handful of accidents since for both of them and no toileting issues or problems. I have at least 3 friends who boasted about their kids being out of nappies at 2 but they had constant accidents and other issues sometimes over a year later.

musicforthesoul · 22/02/2023 12:05

I'd get her to help with the cleanup after she's had an accident, ie putting the clothes in the laundry, getting the fresh ones out and helping with wiping up anything on the floor etc (obviously with your help/supervision).

Not like a punishment, more just as the consequences of making a mess is to help tidy it up.

If she is just avoiding going to the loo so she doesn't have to interrupt play it'll stop it as it will be more hassle to wet herself than to just go to the toilet.

If no change maybe she genuinely doesn't know when she needs to go so worth going back to nappies for a bit

anomaly23 · 22/02/2023 13:37

Ds had just turned 2 when he went straight onto the toilet, dd was 2.5 and was dry and and night but her brother wasn't dry at night until he was 5. No accidents from either of them.

I would go back in nappies just now and try again in a month or 2.

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