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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just put her back in nappies?? It’s been over 6 months…

58 replies

TwinkleStarWhatAre · 22/02/2023 02:30

I’m really lost on what to do. My DD is almost 3. I’ve realised that we have been potty training now since August and she still has wee accidents every single day!!

I’m just exhausted. She’s an incredibly strong willed child and I feel like I’ve tried everything -

Constant reminders (it is always a ‘no’ even if she then wets herself 5 minutes later)
Sticker charts and a sticker every time she uses toilet or potty and no accident (with a super special sparkly sticker if she goes a whole day which we’ve never been able to use since I introduced it 3 weeks ago as she literally wets herself every day)
A potty alarm which she loved but that became an issue as she literally wouldn’t go for a wee when she needed it as she wanted the alarm to go off and turn it off herself
A phone app where she had a call from ‘Rachel’ when she went for a wee which was very exciting and initially helped her ‘get’ using a potty back in September.
Physically putting her on the potty or toilet every hour (this seems to work the best as I always get a wee out of her usually, but the problem is after she’s had a drink. I have a younger baby and I’m just overwhelmed in general on a daily basis caring for them both while DH is at work, and I miss timings after she’s had a drink as then I need to do it every 30 minutes and even then I could miss it)

She has been fully trained for poos pretty much the whole 6 months. No issue. It’s just wees.

She just seems to not be aware when she has the need to wee? She only realises after some has come out. Half the time she doesn’t even care her pants and trousers are wet, the other half she announces she’s had an accident or just removed her trousers and pants herself and does the rest of it.

She’s much better when we’re out and about weirdly enough. She’s only had three accidents when out, once at toddler group and twice on a walk. Although we don’t really go out much longer than an hour at a time so could just be luck.

She starts nursery next month. They said they can help with potty training if I need it. I just don’t want to have to send her in every day with 4 pairs or pants and trousers!

I’ve been reluctant to put her back in nappies as everyone’s said just keep at it, don’t go backwards you’ll confuse her, etc. but I am so stressed out about this. I’m awake at 2.30am just because of this - baby is fast asleep and hasn’t woken for a feed yet but im posting this on mumsnet as i cannot sleep because of it.

Please help. And please don’t suggest family and friends for help as I have no one.

OP posts:
whitebreadjamsandwich · 22/02/2023 06:54

Yes, put her back in nappies. Potty training should be a relatively straightforward 99% done in a week type thing....try again in a couple of months

WonderingWanda · 22/02/2023 06:55

Absolutely put her back in pull ups and try again in 6 weeks, if she doesn't crack it within 2 weeks stop again for another 6 weeks. They develop so quickly at this age. I would also recommend one of those chair style potties like the Baby Bjorn one, much easier to sit on. Or just a step and a smaller toilet seat. When they get it, they just get it. It really isn't something you can force.

RememberFlimsy · 22/02/2023 06:57

I wouldn't go back to nappies. Nearly 3 definitely isn't too young for toilet training! You've tried loads of things and it sounds like she might feel a lot of pressure and stress around the whole thing. I would take a step back, not make a big deal out of accidents, no reminders, a little treat for when she gets it right.

Wallywobbles · 22/02/2023 06:59

My DD2 is 15 months younger than DD1 but I think she was dry first. It was a long messy slog with DD1. But here (France) they can't go to kindergarten until they're dry and it starts at 3. So we had to crack it. Never had an accident at kindergarten though.

TrinnySmith · 22/02/2023 07:10

Maybe it's some sort of unconscious attention seeking due to new baby.
It's definitely working !

Wnikat · 22/02/2023 07:14

Thing is, if you can hold on till she goes to nursery, she'll probably just crack it then. There will be less pressure in a way because it's not just you and her. All her peers will be going to the loo. I say this as someone who totally stressed both my children out with potty training, then as soon as they went to nursery they both were totally dry all day.

specialk9 · 22/02/2023 07:17

Drinkinggreentea · 22/02/2023 03:49

I wouldn't go back to nappies with her being nearly three. I was having a similar problem with my daughter when she was two and a half but my hairdresser gave me some great advice which sounds horrible and mean but was extremely effective and sorted out the problem almost straight away.

Once they've had a few successful wees on the potty at that age (which sounds like the case) you can get a bit cross with them for weeing themselves. I know people on here will not agree with this but what you're doing obviously isn't working so you could at least try it.

Give her lots of praise about being a big girl who's going to nursery soon and explain that at nursery you have to go to the toilet/potty. Keep up the praise when she does wee or poo on the potty but if you ask her if she needs a wee, she says no and then wees her pants a few minutes later treat it as though she's being naughty because that's what babies do and big girls at nursery don't do that. If she thinks it's not acceptable it will make her think a bit more before doing it again.

Do what feels right for you but this worked so, so quickly with mine and a couple of weeks later she was dry at night too. It'll be obvious within a week or two whether this method is working or not.

Good luck anyway, you sound exhausted. This phase will pass.

Please do not do this. Absolute awful advice.

It seems a shame to revert to nappies after so long but honestly she's clearly not ready. I would have stopped after a month.

After all this time is probably just suck it up and hope she cracks it soon. Lots of praise, but no pressure. Also let her take the lead. Keep putting her on the potty is giving mixed signals like a PP said. She needs to learn the signals of when she needs to use the potty.

Good luck. My DD was 23m, my DS1 was 3y.
My DS2

specialk9 · 22/02/2023 07:20

Sorry. My DS2 is 20m and I'm not even going to give it a thought until he is closer to 3. His language (and other areas) is very delayed in comparison to his siblings and it's really not worth the stress, for either of us

TiredandLate · 22/02/2023 07:21

My dd had a horrendous year of illness after starting nursery at 2, so I didn't start potty training until she had turned 3. It clicked straight away (absolutely no skill on my part) I just think being that little bit older helped her understand.

I'd be tempted to go back to nappies for a month and 'reset', then start again. She's getting older and might dislike having a nappy change like the baby does?

Dacadactyl · 22/02/2023 07:21

Drinkinggreentea · 22/02/2023 03:49

I wouldn't go back to nappies with her being nearly three. I was having a similar problem with my daughter when she was two and a half but my hairdresser gave me some great advice which sounds horrible and mean but was extremely effective and sorted out the problem almost straight away.

Once they've had a few successful wees on the potty at that age (which sounds like the case) you can get a bit cross with them for weeing themselves. I know people on here will not agree with this but what you're doing obviously isn't working so you could at least try it.

Give her lots of praise about being a big girl who's going to nursery soon and explain that at nursery you have to go to the toilet/potty. Keep up the praise when she does wee or poo on the potty but if you ask her if she needs a wee, she says no and then wees her pants a few minutes later treat it as though she's being naughty because that's what babies do and big girls at nursery don't do that. If she thinks it's not acceptable it will make her think a bit more before doing it again.

Do what feels right for you but this worked so, so quickly with mine and a couple of weeks later she was dry at night too. It'll be obvious within a week or two whether this method is working or not.

Good luck anyway, you sound exhausted. This phase will pass.

I was given much the same advice from a childminder at a playgroup. She had 4 of her own kids so knew what she was on about, although I'm not sure whether she did the same with her "minded" children....but I would suspect so.

She told me to leave DD in wet clothes for a few minutes longer than I would have otherwise and also to get her to help clearing up the wee on the floor.

She was potty trained quickly once I implemented this advice.

SunshineAndFizz · 22/02/2023 07:23

We also used chocolate buttons.

Eventually we also moved to a treat if they filled a whole row on their chart. We got them to pick something, a small toy, beforehand so they could visualise what they'd be getting. Worked really well.

MotherofBingo · 22/02/2023 07:25

Look up training pants on amazon, they are slightly absorbant but not totally so she will need to keep up with the poos but might save some clothes while she's still getting the hang of wees. Don't panic - my eldest daughter was 3.5 years old before she was potty trained (we started at 18 months so it was 2 years for us!) Like you, we tried everything.

Please, please don't get cross with her for accidents it's not fair on her and it can also have the opposite effect. The only people who have ever told my youngest off for accidents, also happen to be the only people she has accidents around (and screams and cries if we are going to see them because she doesn't like them because they've told her off in the past). It won't be something she's doing on purpose to wind you up, she's just very young and just learning.

ProbablyRomanticised · 22/02/2023 07:30

I was going to say, don't they do training pants any more? We used imsy vimsy back in the day.

They have an absorbent pad - not enough for a whole week but enough for a dribble. My youngest son was in them til 5 - he is probably a bit dyspraxic with poor body awareness and never realized he needed a wee until the last second.

My daughter had a two hourly ipad alarm telling her to wee - she used this for about 3 weeks and then she was fine on her own, but it sounds like you may have tried this.

I really wouldn't go back to nappies.

ProbablyRomanticised · 22/02/2023 07:32

Oh, brightbots were the other brand we used! They were brilliant and still seem to be going.

Danneigh · 22/02/2023 07:35

I personally wouldn't go back to nappies at the age of almost 3. Do you have floor's that can ve easily cleaned or carpets? If the likes of wooden floors or tiles, spend a few days back to back at home without needing to go out and leave her in a long vest (covering her bits of course). Mine both didn't like to wet themselves when they only had a vest on because they'd actually feel the wee on them rather than it absorbing into clothes, and after about 4 days at home like this both of them took to it and stopped having accidents. DS was 2.5 and DD was almost 2.

Beseen22 · 22/02/2023 07:45

My youngest didn't seem to 'just click' like other children and his big brother did. It's definitely been a process. He hated the constant pressure and reward charts and is incredibly private so when I put too much pressure on he started hiding in cupboards to poop when he had been previously sorted for months. The only thing that worked was habitually putting him on the toilet everytime I went (around every 3h). Any more than that he became resistant to the idea and tantrummed about it. I didn't want it to become a negative thing, I disagree with people saying to give them in to trouble, if you follow any of the Eric stuff for incontinence a lot of it is taking away shame around toileting. If he is wet he has to take his own trousers off and pop them into the washing then get some paper towels to help me clean up any spills, our conversation is very neutral at that time 'oh dear, these are wet pants, what do we need to do to sort this?'

He is speech delayed and still doesn't really ask to go to the toilet much because I still just take him but is dry and in pants all the time, even at nursery where I believe they can just take themselves. Had a wee set back everytime someone else looked after him because they didn't believe me that he hated praise and attention and just wanted to quickly pee and get off.

berksandbeyond · 22/02/2023 07:54

You started way too early and you’ve kept going way too long. If she wasn’t getting it after 2 weeks you should have stopped and gone back to nappies then tried again a couple of months later - you’ve probably made it more difficult by yourself and her by keeping going when she’s so clearly not been ready. Stop now. Nappy back on. Try again in 8 weeks or so. If she doesn’t get it in 2 weeks? Nappy back on

ItchyBillco · 22/02/2023 07:55

ukholidayseeker · 22/02/2023 02:58

She's only 2 ☹️ Too young. Try again in August hen it's good weather.

It’s not too young at all. And don’t put her back in nappies, that will confuse her now.

I think her starting nursery will help. Either being surrounded by other toilet trained children and staff who offer toilet trips a lot, or peer pressure.

ItchyBillco · 22/02/2023 07:56

How is almost three ‘way too young’ according to some posters?

BritInAus · 22/02/2023 07:57

She doesn't sound at all ready. Some kids are at 2. Some much later. Why go through the agro of accidents every single day? Say she'll be ready at 3.5 years old. You can either start at 2, and have 18 months of wet underwear etc, or start at 3.5, and have it done in a week.

BritInAus · 22/02/2023 07:58

berksandbeyond · 22/02/2023 07:54

You started way too early and you’ve kept going way too long. If she wasn’t getting it after 2 weeks you should have stopped and gone back to nappies then tried again a couple of months later - you’ve probably made it more difficult by yourself and her by keeping going when she’s so clearly not been ready. Stop now. Nappy back on. Try again in 8 weeks or so. If she doesn’t get it in 2 weeks? Nappy back on

This!!

berksandbeyond · 22/02/2023 07:59

ItchyBillco · 22/02/2023 07:56

How is almost three ‘way too young’ according to some posters?

It’s not way too young but it clearly was 6 months ago when they started as the child was obviously not ready!

I drained DD the month before she turned 3 and it took less than 2 weeks. When they’re ready they’re ready. She has been dry through the night since 3 too. They’re all different

londonrach · 22/02/2023 08:04

Can't believe you done this so long. She's only two!!! Please please put her back in nappies. She not ready. My DD learnt just before third birthday...no accident..she told me she wanted to wear pants and I did as she asked. There's no rush to do it before. Had a friend like you who did it with her first at 2 and her dd wet herself and had severe issues with poo with holding .. her second a boy she didn't bother did he asked. Pop back in nappies and wait a few months

Original poster
TwinkleStarWhatAre · 22/02/2023 08:16

Thank you all for your responses, I cannot tell you how much I needed this!

She’s 3 in a month so I feel like it would be silly to stop trying now?

I think I’m going to try and stay in for a few days, have her in just a long top so no bottoms, and just ignore the potty, and just celebrate when she does a wee. Yes, I can see how keep putting her on the potty means she’s not going to be listening to her body so will try and avoid that now.

If by next week no improvement, I shall try the chocolate button idea. However, I know what she will do - she’s just gonna keep going and doing a tiny drop of wee just to get a chocolate button. How best to navigate this situation and not end up with her eating bags every day? 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleStarWhatAre · 22/02/2023 08:17

She also cracked poos after about 2 weeks of potty training back in September! Super quick and no issues since. It’s just wees

OP posts: