Who is unreasonable?

[AuntySandrasDauphinois]

Spouse A does not drive. They would like to take a job (not their dream job by any means) which requires Spouse B to drive them there and pick them up. It would be about 20 minutes one way. Additionally it is in an area which gets traffic disruption frequently. Should spouse b support them by doing this?

This is a big ask surely? Obviously I am spouse b but I can't be doing with rewriting it 😂 IABU for this but surely not for the driving thing?

Not a chance. At least 80 minutes drive a day. Fuck that.

Spouse A is being ridiculous and needs to find. New job closer to home, learn to drive or get the bus!

YANBU

Spouse a can use public transport

What else are you doing when these lifts are required? How will it impact you / your job? In and of itself, driving your life partner a relatively short time each day for a job that will presumably benefit you both / your household is not a big ask and YABU but if it's going to massively undermine your own current logistics then no.

What's the distance? Is it something that could be easily cycled?

Why doesnt A drive? What were they planning on doing when they applied? Why can't they use public transport?

It would be a no from me.

Cycling and/or public transport. Anything else is crazy unless occasional

So 80 minutes a day? Fuck that.

I did it, for years, at stupid o’clock in the morning too. I resented it after a while as it was meant to be short term but oh was in no rush. I think he liked being driven. I have told him I’m never doing it again.

It probably could by cycled in maybe an hour? But not by my dh because he is unfit and has let his bike rust.

Public transport is shakey, will take about an hour and a half and require a 25 minute walk.

He doesn't have the job yet-first I heard was when he told me he needed a lift to the interview tomorrow and I questioned the logistics. I think it's the assumption that has really fucked me off. I already drive him once a week (at 5.30am with both kids) 30min there 30min back so that he can do a course. And all our family driving obviously.

Spouse A needs to take the chuffin bus!

Does he already have a job? Do you? Do you need the money? He’s unreasonable but I’m curious about the context.

Yes this. The other lift was supposed to be short term but I don't feel that he has done his best to find other solutions, or that he particularly appreciates it.

Never understand how drivers end up in relationships with non drivers (unless medical reasons perhaps). Seems mental to be responsible/reliant on the other.

Does he have a medical reason for not driving?

My spouse doesn’t drive. They however never ask me for a lift anywhere, walk/get the bus to work (takes about an hour to 1.5hrs) and is very grateful when I drive them to work on the days I am going that way.

Your spouse is taking the piss. Also 5.30am with two kids?! Why are you accepting this madness.

This

Is there a reason he doesn't drive?

Could you compromise with taking him there and him getting public transport home?

Spouse A needs to get on their bike.

Not a chance is be doing this, not a chance OH would assume I would or want me to.

@AuntySandrasDauphinois Electric bike or electric scooter.

Spouse A needs to sort themselves out: driving lessons / bike / a bit of fucking self-reliance.

My wife drives but I never have, never felt the need to. That's the choice I made so I have to be responsible for myself. She works every day, leaves home at 6am and doesn't get home until 5pm.
I get the bus, ubers, walk, metros. I love my independence!
My last job was two metro rides plus a 15 minute walk. That's life. If he doesn't like it then he needs to learn to drive.

He would say so. Previously he said he would learn to drive but then recently has said he can't possibly because of his diagnosis (cPTSD). I think he is scared to and doesn't want to but I don't see what symptoms that mean he should't drive.

I learnt to drive while we were together, it took me about 3 years and 5 tests. I have a similar diagnosis.

Some couples can't afford to run two cars, or see it as a waste of money. I don't drive but my wife isn't responsible for me. She works all day, I'm responsible for myself and love it.
It's not always a "reliance" thing

I think this is probably a good long term plan