What is going on?

pleasemindyourmanners · 2023-02-20T23:10:03+00:00

I am a teacher and I am aware that this will no doubt lead to lots of teacher bashing as this appears to have become a national past time. I just can't work out what is going on with children and parents and attitudes towards school. Younger and younger children are coming through with less and less resilience. I realise that covid and lockdowns have played a part but this was happening before then too. It is just gradually getting worse. So many parents also appear almost delusional about their children. That is increasing year on year too. They are not interested in any misdemeanours their child may have been part of. They only believe one version of events. And all want their child to be listened to and their version to be acted upon. I was looking at my pension pot. I have about 25 years to reach the state pension. That is a terrifying prospect. If behaviour and attitudes towards teaching/schools carry on the same trajectory I dread to think what things will be like by that point. I really wish I could put my finger on what the main problems are but the issues are so massive there are definitely no easy fixes. Lack of resources and specialist staff is one issue but i don't remember there being such a huge need as there is nowadays. It is like we, teachers, are also becoming immune to being sworn at by parents and even primary aged kids. It isn't just my school. Friends in other schools and teachers on teaching Facebook pages are all saying the same thing. I'd say this is one of the many reasons there is a teacher retention issue. It is draining. I absolutely love the kids and what I do. However, I feel like I can't do my job properly a lot of the time as I've effectively become a bouncer or a referee. Everything appears to be blamed on teachers. Even icy conditions round school was seen as our fault and we were thoughtless putting them out in the icy playground. Kids who just get on with things, don't try to cause a drama, who are kind without having constant dramas are becoming more and more rare. This is no longer the expected behaviour and ore like a wishful dream. It is Monday night and I'm totally exhausted already.

Original poster

pleasemindyourmanners · 20/02/2023 23:14

I'm not for one moment saying we should go back to children being seen and not heard.
However it is all about a child's rights but zero responsibility or even an acknowledgment that some behaviours are not acceptable.

OP posts:

purpleboy · 20/02/2023 23:18

Entitlement sums it up for me.

Ocsetldil · 20/02/2023 23:19

You are quite right. I have noticed that the younger parents (to me) are a different breed with different attitudes. I have 4 x DCs and the youngest is in Yr 11. Apparently the current Year 8s are a nightmare and I am glad to be soon out of the school system. I cannot relate to the entitled parents and their equally obnoxious children.

JupiterFortified · 20/02/2023 23:21

Too many soft parents….they think their children can do no wrong. My parents were amazing when I was growing up but I wouldn’t really have crossed them. Now I think a lot of parents don’t discipline their kids and want to be best mates with them rather than parenting them. Which leads to entitled brats a lot of the time.

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 20/02/2023 23:22

Children are put on too high a pedestal.

No one wants to parent their children anymore.

There is no discipline. Or manners. Or consideration.

Everyone is me, me, me now.

Everyone thinks their kid is beyond reproach.

Entitlement.

Snowflakery.

🤷‍♀️

Ocsetldil · 20/02/2023 23:24

I complained about the behaviour, manners and appearance of some of the children acting like bully boys on the streets and the Head shook his head and muttered “What can you do? What can you do?” Well, grow a backbone, for a start and maybe ask the children to leave if they don’t abide by the school rules as this is an independent school and the Head has the authority to control who he has on site.

BasicItch · 20/02/2023 23:26

Tell me about it.
When my niece was due to start school my SIL was panicking about what to do if she doesn’t want to go
Er it’s not negotiable
I promise OP that some of us are old fashioned and resilient and are bringing up our kids to be the same (in my case probably cos I’m 70s-born, there was alot of cruel to be kind)
Alot of people had the idea planted in their head that kids were “traumatised” by lockdown so now it excuses irrational, silly behaviour

YeOldeNameChange · 20/02/2023 23:29

My sister in law’s kids are actually well behaved but neither she nor my mother in law are able to hold the line. They are simply unable to say no to things. I think it’s a modern thing for women to be obsessed with being liked or kind

TheShellBeach · 20/02/2023 23:33

I'm going to get flamed for this, but it starts long before children get to school, when they're babies, and their parents do not seem to be able to put them down in their cots for a night's sleep.
I see threads on here every day from women, wringing their hands because their babies wake up ten times a night. God forbid the baby gets left to fall asleep by itself - mum has to stay for hours, waiting for it to drop off.
No resilience, as you say, OP.

Getolderbutneverwiser · 20/02/2023 23:33

I agree that many people don’t want to parent. Too many I see wanting to be their child’s friend and the “cool” parent. Of course we all want good relationships with our kids but you need to guide them in the right direction and having them behave however they want regardless of how it affects others I don’t think is helpful.

The attitude kids have to school often comes from the parents, so if they have the attitude of “the school won’t tell me what to do” the kids hear/see this and follow suit.

its a horrible way to behave and treat people, especially those doing such a challenging role. As a previous poster has said it’s all very me, me, me and many people are only interested in what affects them.

I hadn’t imagined during covid that we would come out the other side being so ungrateful for what we have but it seems to have made people even more self absorbed, it’s awful!

lovechickencrisps · 20/02/2023 23:34

I think it boils down to lack of discipline at home and a massive sense of entitlement from parents being filtered through to children.

BabyOnBoard90 · 21/02/2023 00:39

Soft parenting approach in fear of causing trauma but inadvertently creating entitled

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2023 00:43

Entitled snowflakes are raising kids by "gentle parenting." It's a recipe for disaster.

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 21/02/2023 01:04

Just imagine what these kids now are going to raise 🙈😫

Ashorthistoryfan · 21/02/2023 01:16

BasicItch · 20/02/2023 23:26

Tell me about it.
When my niece was due to start school my SIL was panicking about what to do if she doesn’t want to go
Er it’s not negotiable
I promise OP that some of us are old fashioned and resilient and are bringing up our kids to be the same (in my case probably cos I’m 70s-born, there was alot of cruel to be kind)
Alot of people had the idea planted in their head that kids were “traumatised” by lockdown so now it excuses irrational, silly behaviour

It's very clear that you have no experience of school-refusal and the mh problems some kids have. A lot of that is just down to luck so don't flatter yourself too much.
Some kids do have real issues that need to be dealt with. In the past many of these children were simply bullied and/or ignored instead, by teachers and sometimes parents.

Simply saying it's not-negotiable does not work for all children, believe me. It's really not one size fits all.

Now, to be clear, I'm not disagreeing with the OP. There is more of a sense of entitlement these days, I think. And parents are inclined to listen to their children more and are less inclined to defer to teachers - all of which is good in a way, but not if the balance is tipped too far.
However, some kids do have real problems that simply weren't acknowledged in the past, and now they are, to some extent at least.

I was born in the 60s by the way.

Spongeboob · 21/02/2023 01:17

It is entitlement. A full on parenting shit show playing itself out. There are primary aged kids around here threatening to stab adults on the street. If police do actually show up, their cars get smashed and a couple of days later there's an article in the local news that the police have "spoken to their parents".

JunkinDonuts · 21/02/2023 01:21

TheShellBeach · 20/02/2023 23:33

I'm going to get flamed for this, but it starts long before children get to school, when they're babies, and their parents do not seem to be able to put them down in their cots for a night's sleep.
I see threads on here every day from women, wringing their hands because their babies wake up ten times a night. God forbid the baby gets left to fall asleep by itself - mum has to stay for hours, waiting for it to drop off.
No resilience, as you say, OP.

I agree.
The problem is that young parents nowadays are unable to say no, and are unwilling to put boundaries in place.
How many times have we heard about kids running around in restraunts and shrieking with some parents on here defending that child? Plenty.
How many entitled parents demanding that someone give up their seat for their precious Toffelia? Plenty.
Please and thank you? What's that then?
I dread to think what this generation born kids are going to be like with their kids.
I remember getting a detention at school when I bunked off one afternoon. My mum went mad, grounded me for a week, and added insult to injury by phoning the school and telling them to give me extra work to do for the amount of time that I was grounded, which they did!
Imagine a parent doing that now?
Lord knows how the kids of those parents are going to cope when they have to go to work!

JunkinDonuts · 21/02/2023 01:26

Ashorthistoryfan · 21/02/2023 01:16

It's very clear that you have no experience of school-refusal and the mh problems some kids have. A lot of that is just down to luck so don't flatter yourself too much.
Some kids do have real issues that need to be dealt with. In the past many of these children were simply bullied and/or ignored instead, by teachers and sometimes parents.

Simply saying it's not-negotiable does not work for all children, believe me. It's really not one size fits all.

Now, to be clear, I'm not disagreeing with the OP. There is more of a sense of entitlement these days, I think. And parents are inclined to listen to their children more and are less inclined to defer to teachers - all of which is good in a way, but not if the balance is tipped too far.
However, some kids do have real problems that simply weren't acknowledged in the past, and now they are, to some extent at least.

I was born in the 60s by the way.

Show quote history

As an early sixties kid myself, I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you.
Parents should be telling their kids to get on with it, not pandering to them.
Pandering to them only adds to the MH problem.
Kids don't have MH problems, just problems with being spoilt and pandered to.

JunkinDonuts · 21/02/2023 01:29

I agree.

JunkinDonuts · 21/02/2023 01:29

BabyOnBoard90 · 21/02/2023 00:39

Soft parenting approach in fear of causing trauma but inadvertently creating entitled

I agree.
No idea where the quote went in my last.

JunkinDonuts · 21/02/2023 01:30

lovechickencrisps · 20/02/2023 23:34

I think it boils down to lack of discipline at home and a massive sense of entitlement from parents being filtered through to children.

Yes. I agree.

JunkinDonuts · 21/02/2023 01:31

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2023 00:43

Entitled snowflakes are raising kids by "gentle parenting." It's a recipe for disaster.

This too.

Ohyoudodoyou · 21/02/2023 07:18

My children are adults now. I have close friends with younger children, teens. It is constant interaction with the schools over anxiety, bullying, self harm.
This is so many of my friends!!! I don't know anyone with a young child/teen that isn't having issues.
Some of my friends appear to be far too involved in their kids lives I've told them

they are overly involved in setting up activities, friendships. It's like the parenting boundaries are blurred.

Kids are not being taught resilience and responsibility in some cases

MonsterChopz · 21/02/2023 07:32

JunkinDonuts · 21/02/2023 01:26

As an early sixties kid myself, I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you.
Parents should be telling their kids to get on with it, not pandering to them.
Pandering to them only adds to the MH problem.
Kids don't have MH problems, just problems with being spoilt and pandered to.

Show quote history

Kids can, and do, have poor mh that no amount of tough love will remedy. Some of these kids you are referring to are more resilient than you will ever know. Getting up and trying to go school even although the school environment is destroying them a bit each day.

Thank goodness we've moved on a bit over the decades, have done some research and can see there is need for child mental health support.

Do adults also not have mental health problems??

Ashorthistoryfan · 21/02/2023 07:33

JunkinDonuts · 21/02/2023 01:26

As an early sixties kid myself, I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you.
Parents should be telling their kids to get on with it, not pandering to them.
Pandering to them only adds to the MH problem.
Kids don't have MH problems, just problems with being spoilt and pandered to.

Show quote history

Sorry, @JunkinDonuts, but that's just ignorance on your part. I guess you have been lucky enogh not to experience it too.
Are you going to tell me autism doesn't exist either now? A great many autistic children have co-morbid MH conditions.
You can look ot up if you don't believe me, but please don't dismiss what I say without any knowledge or experience of these types of conditions.
How to deal with the problems is a different issue, but to baldly say 'kids don't have MH problems" shows a shocking lack of insight. Some do and very serious ones. (They don't affect the majority of children of course...my point upthread was in response to a pp.)