What is going on?

[pleasemindyourmanners]

I am a teacher and I am aware that this will no doubt lead to lots of teacher bashing as this appears to have become a national past time.
I just can't work out what is going on with children and parents and attitudes towards school.
Younger and younger children are coming through with less and less resilience. I realise that covid and lockdowns have played a part but this was happening before then too. It is just gradually getting worse.
So many parents also appear almost delusional about their children. That is increasing year on year too. They are not interested in any misdemeanours their child may have been part of. They only believe one version of events. And all want their child to be listened to and their version to be acted upon.
I was looking at my pension pot. I have about 25 years to reach the state pension. That is a terrifying prospect. If behaviour and attitudes towards teaching/schools carry on the same trajectory I dread to think what things will be like by that point.
I really wish I could put my finger on what the main problems are but the issues are so massive there are definitely no easy fixes. Lack of resources and specialist staff is one issue but i don't remember there being such a huge need as there is nowadays.
It is like we, teachers, are also becoming immune to being sworn at by parents and even primary aged kids.
It isn't just my school. Friends in other schools and teachers on teaching Facebook pages are all saying the same thing. I'd say this is one of the many reasons there is a teacher retention issue. It is draining.
I absolutely love the kids and what I do. However, I feel like I can't do my job properly a lot of the time as I've effectively become a bouncer or a referee.
Everything appears to be blamed on teachers. Even icy conditions round school was seen as our fault and we were thoughtless putting them out in the icy playground.
Kids who just get on with things, don't try to cause a drama, who are kind without having constant dramas are becoming more and more rare. This is no longer the expected behaviour and ore like a wishful dream. It is Monday night and I'm totally exhausted already.

Thank god my parents and family aren’t like you and I was born in the 70’s! Terrifying that someone with your ignorance may be a part of a child’s life!

I agree with the points already made and would add that people are having fewer children and that one child in particular, is now all these already entitled parents have to focus on.

all their eggs literally in one golden basket.

The obvious drift as to what constitutes a mental health problem and what is just normal life is also another layer of hell.

I find myself being ‘that old crone’ who pulls people up and makes comments about obvious spoilt and entitled behaviour.

I don't know what's going on, but I hat I do find amusing is that on threads like this you will get a barrage of posters claiming that it's soft parenting, entitlement, seeing no wrong in yourselves, but they themselves are nothing like this of course. They are proper parents of course.

The sheer arrogance is hilarious. The "everyone else is doing it wrong but not me".

Unfortunately it's the same when they get to university too.
Parents usually take a step back then but the students are now (& I've been working in HE for 20 years) the most entitled I've come across.
It sounds like there's worse to come.
I wish parents would teach their children that the world is not just there for their benefit.

"Entitled snowflakes are raising kids by "gentle parenting." It's a recipe for disaster."
This.

I think parents are often lazy for sure, they’re mainly at fault.
But leadership in schools needs to be better, I’ve come across too many heads now who let the rules slide, and are soft. (I’m ex military so would have that school running very differently 😂)

Mine have left school now thankfully(!) but I agree with others who say entitlement- my little Johnny is perfect etc (I’ve worked in schools in a non teaching role and dealt with these types of parents plus seeing them on the school run too).
When my dd was at primary her so-called bf was basically a bully towards her and subsequently others, the mum could not see it at all. She blamed all sorts of ‘reasons’, no your child is not being nice and you need to face up to it. The mum worked in child counselling and at the time I was ‘wtf!’ but that is probably why she was so ‘soft’ about it.
I digress, but yes, parents tend to see their DCs as perfect and get aggressive when they’re presented with issues they’ve caused.
Thankfully I was never troubled by my DCs in this way but they/I always accepted consequences- detentions etc. occasionally I felt it was maybe a bit harsh but I said ‘if you do x, expect x’ - often I’d pre-empt saying ‘you’ll get sent home if you wear this’ (in secondary) and they did, even if I thought it was a ridiculous rule.

This is it in a nutshell. There must be a middle ground.

There is a world of difference between autism and a spoilt entitled kid.

That is complete BS, sorry. Loads of kids have MH issues for a variety of reasons, but that’s not what the OP is talking about. My DCs both have anxiety, unf it’s hereditary and can be traced back to both sides of the family (and I’m early 50s). However they were ‘well behaved’ at school - only issues in secondary were sixth form uniform infringements and I did not support them on that one - you pays your money, you take your choice (cannot force an adult sized dc to change their shoes/trousers/skirt).

I agree with the points already made and would add that people are having fewer children and that one child in particular, is now all these already entitled parents have to focus on.

Might have known one-child families would get the blame somewhere. Would it be acceptable if I generalised about families with more children than they are able to care for letting them behave badly?

I think kids are basically the same but the level with which parents will defend them against all evidence and reason has massively increased.

Did you instill good manners into them? Say no to them?
They were well behaved at school you say, why was that? Boundaries on your part? Showing them right from wrong?

God help them when they have to earn a living!

Of course there is.

But you said, "Kids don't have MH problems".
Autistic kids are a subset of kids, are they not?
One that you forgot about, it appears.

To be clear I am not saying that only autistic kids have MH problems. I mentioned them as an example. Not am I saying there aren't issues in schools or that OP doesn't have a point. I am just reacting to the certainty by you and other posters that the issues with kids are entirely down to poor parenting. And the implication that if the child was yours/theirs they'd soon be behaving! You clearly don't have any experience with very troubled children.

RE: your last line. Don't be too sure about that.

Screen time, internet, farce book etc, anyone? And don't start me on the age limit, parents are always circumnavigating the "rules" and it's becoming the norm.

It's an interesting point. I teach in another country and had some naughty 7 year olds last week....nothing to dramatic but I spoke to parents and yesterday the boy was frog marched in by his mother and made to apologise and after lesson she came back to check his behaviour.

The country also doesn't have cool down rooms or anything like this. The kids if naughty get a minus point and seem horrified by the prospect or the family reaction.

This!

Also what Ashorthistoryfan says.

The glee with which people fall over one another to blame 'pandering', 'snowflakes' and 'soft parenting'.

A lot of these 'soft' parents were no doubt brought up amid the savagely enforced conformity, overlooking of bullying and excused or legitimised adult violence (including violence perpetrated by teachers) of earlier eras. Good for them wanting better for their children. Doubtless some of them get it wrong - and I agree that there is a significant subset of parents who are quite rudderless in dealing with their children. But I don't think the answer is to go back to past times where children suffering any kind of problem or difficulty were, often, completely on their own.
And as for blaming parents who don't want their babies to le left to cry alone

This.
My friend's DCs are very rude, with one worse than the other. My friend has decided that the bad one must be autistic. Errrr no. They are just spoiled brats who have never been made to say please or thank you, as teenagers they are left sandwiches for lunch if the parents are out. They refuse to walk even 10 minutes to the car after school so their DM arrives early at the school so she can park only 2 minutes walk away. I do not understand why my friend has been such a doormat.

I'd suggest you join Not Fine In School on Facebook, OP, and read about how the education system is failing children.

13 years of Tories is your answer with most things.

I used to be a massive supporter of state education but now I think it's not fit for purpose.

My brother is a trainee teacher. He's currently in a school where he has to put his hand up if he wants to speak with the class. What has the world become when a teacher needs permission from pupils to speak? Also not allowed to raise voices or tell kids to do something as 'it might hurt their feelings'.
Lots of the kids don't do PE as they just have to say they're trans and don't feel comfortable in either changing room. And there's break out/cool down type rooms which they all use when they can't be arsed to work.
He's just applied to a school in a different rough area and was amazed at the behaviour of the kids there - polite and well behaved.

I just hope by the time my kids go to school there's been a crack down on ridiculous, entitled behaviour. But I doubt it.

The outdated boomer views on this thread are wild.

Secondary school isn't education, it's crowd control.

It's interesting that the 60/70's people who parented this generation of parents think they did it right, with a their tough love and leaving babies to cry in their cots, but now their children are shit parents.

Well you raised them! What did you do so wrong that your kids don't want to be the same kind of parent as you??