To tell her she’s overdoing the Botox

[Permanentlysurprised]

Just this really, do I tell my friend or do I just keep my unsolicited opinions to myself?
Just for a bit of context, we are part of a group of friends from Uni. She was a mature student and is 8/9 years older than the rest of us.
She is attractive with a great figure and hair and over the past few years, has really started making an effort with how she looks and she looks better now than she did 10 ears ago.
But recently she’s been doing more and more and has that frozen look, no expression. She’s just booked yet another appointment.
She’s a very good friend, the kind where we always promise to tell the other if they have spinach in their teeth or snot on their nose. I would want her to tell me if our positions were reversed.
YABU Don’t tell her, it’s got nowt to do with you.
YANBU Tell her, be honest, it’s what a good friend would do.

Years ago I had a friend who went through a phase of going a bit OTT with the fake tan and was picking shades way to dark for her natural skin colour. Basically, she was slowly turning orange and I hate to say it was looking increasingly daft. I did not say anything at first thinking she knew about it and would adjust her tanning regime to be more subtle but it got worse. Eventually, I had to have a quiet word as I knew other people were beginning to take the piss behind her back. My 'quiet word' went down like a cup of cold sick and we had a falling out for a few weeks as she was hurt but she eventually thanked me for being honest and she subsequently toned down the tanning. It is incredibly hard to raise concerns about how someone looks but my god I would rather my friends flagged any concerns then let me parade around while people made fun of me behind my back.

Catch her on a day her face is looking more mobile than usual, and tell her how great she looks.

Loving the puns on this thread!

Normally I'd say no, don't tell her as it's a sensitive subject for many women, but then you added the 'spinach clause' & that could change things!

Only you would know if/when the right time might be, but I'd start with complementing her similarly to what you said in your post...'She is attractive with a great figure and hair... and looks even better now than she did 10 ears ago' (assuming years not that she's had multiple ear transplants!)...

And then add something about the spinach clause & you'd hope she would tell you if the heel was on the other foot but... 'she looked so naturally beautiful & you didn't even know/realise she'd been getting Botox (she just looked so great xx weeks/months ago), buuuuutttttt, now it is a bit obvious that she's getting Botox treatments & if that's the look she's going for then great, she's succeeding, but if she was going for 'gracefully putting us all to shame' (ha ha, it's a wee joke, I'm sure you all look gorgeous!) she's gone one (or however many) Botox treatments too far...(very gently etc etc).

Some other posters have had great suggestions too & whilst we never fully know one's motivations for doing things like this, you deffo don't want to make her feel worse if she's struggling with something (IE, being single, depression, comments from someone - especially a partner, a younger work environment, etc).

You're clearly a loving friend & don't want to see her (in your opinion) either become overly dependant on Botox or start to look so fake it defeats the purpose/goal of carefully doing Botox in the first place...

Give some thought to how you'd honestly feel if someone told you something in the same vein... clothing style, make up, weight, etc & how you might 'hear' such a friendly, well intentioned comment. Again, receive is different & this includes possible reactions...

It's a delicate situation & one you don't want to cause offense or deep hurt, so certainly give it plenty of thought before proceeding along a course of action or inaction... Best of luck & I think you've got a small but if spinach in your ear...😉x

I've never understood this obsession some women have with ruining their looks. Filling their faces with chemicals that make them look ridiculous is mystifying to me. And the fish lips look utterly idiotic. 🤢🤮

I wouldn't, personally.

Your 'overdoing it' might be her 'just right'.

But people don't always see themselves the way others do.

And work like this, as with plastic surgery, can become addictive to some and then they go over the top with it.

People are assuming she's happy with how she looks, but what if she's NOT, and that's why she keeps getting more?

I don’t think anyone is genuinely believing she is happy with her looks. People don’t inject crap in their face because they are happy little bunnies. She sounds like she has identified her face as not matching her belief in her own beauty, and decided the train wreck survivor look would be preferable to growing old.

Is she single? Is that the issue? Does someone need to tell her than men don’t got for the old plastic bag look?

Ask her what she thinks of Madonna's larest look. If she thinks she looks fab, say nothing else. If she thinks it's a bit much then bravely and tactfully give her a hint. Really, what's more important to you? Her friendship or how her face looks?

You could tell her, but you won't know what she thinks because she's had so much Botox!!

Tough call OP... I would love to get it done to iron out a few wrinkles beginning to gather on my chin! But all the trout pout, frozen forehead, puffed out cheeks just looks weird to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just don't get why people go so extreme with it? I saw Robbie Williams wife put a selfie on Insta the other day and was horrified at her lips - they were massive and looked really bizarre. And Catherine ZJ at the BAFTAs the other night is a other case in point.... I just find it baffling. If your friend has asked for honesty then I would probably gently let her know...

its tricky because its your opinion that shes overdone it and you will be commenting on her looks. however, at the same time, people are wondering if Madonna has any friends and why isnt anyone telling her shes gone too far, so really, there isnt a right answer, and only you know how your friend will respond and how it will affect you both as a result.

You could take her out when it’s blowing a gale and say, “Gosh. Do you feel that wind?”

What makes this more difficult is often the Botox overdoer is really happy as a result of what they see in the mirror. They have made the, often difficult, decision to do it - and their confidence and thus happiness has increased because of it. No one wants to piss on a friends parade by telling them their face looks odd now.
It isn't anything like telling them they have spinach in their teeth or a dress they haven't purchased yet looks odd.
Which is unfortunately why more and more women are walking about now with frozen faces.

It is a difficult one. I saw an interesting TV programme - where women are having their lip fillers dissolved. Showed a discussion between two women. They both said they had no idea how their lips looked until they saw candid (unposed) photos/film of themselves - as in the mirror the filled lips looked great. It was only for example, in profile - or on video they realised what they actually looked like in real life (e.g. when they are animated).

I think the same can be true for a lot of cosmetic procedures - in the mirror or in selfies they look good.

If you were to tell her, I would phrase it as - "I think you great now, I think you should hold off before getting more, I am not sure it is worth it and I don't think you can improve on what you have had done already"

You don't have to be confrontational you could just say "I think you look great without it, I don't think you need jt"

See how the conversation develops.

😂

Oh wow, sorry for not coming back, I thought the thread had died last night!!
To answer a q or two, no, she’s not single, she’s happily married to a guy who thinks she’s lovely whatever. She also has older teenage kids who think the same.

I absolutely believe she’s doing it for herself and she is so much happier with her looks since she started making an effort ……but it is a fine line and it’s so hard to see yourself objectively. This is why I’m pretty sure that I would want her to tell me if the situation were reversed even though I’d probably be a bit mortified.

The suggestion up thread of saying, “Oh my god, you look so good right now – don't do a single thing more!" is brilliant. I think I’m going to try this!! Thank you @alllllie
And thank you everyone for your opinions and suggestions……and the puns 😂

She’d probably look better if she just did it twice a year. Every 3 months is when it starts looking weird I think. You think it’s worn off but it hasn’t fully so you’re putting more in on top of what is still there.

I like the suggestion of telling her she looks good as she is. Always like a good Botox chat with my friends. No judgement- some of us have it some don’t.. So you could show an interest in her treatments that way. Then steer the conversation towards a less is more direction.