Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mildly offended ----- "Make me look slim"

71 replies

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2023 12:16

After a day doing voluntary clean-up, which was great fun anyway - we grouped together (about 8 of us - mixed gender) and I reluctantly joined in for a group photo (I always avoid being photographed/filmed, and this was recognised). I was sort of in the centre, but trying to be towards the back but with arms up.

The woman I had had most to do with through the day, and knew very slightly from the planning of this event, pulled me alongside her, and said, "Ooh yes, make me look slim".....
As I have said, I am only mildly offended (I am 14-16 size I would say, and she is probably s. 20 ish at the top, and taller than me...). I did enjoy the time, and we (all, but especially me and her) had great fun, as well as did a "good thing") - but - yes, "over"-sensitive, I know- is there any other way I could have read this?
And I do still like her, there would not be a nice way to ask what she meant, I don't think.
She obviously has way more confidence than me, and is a younger, but not by decades.

OP posts:
Whatatimetobealivetoday · 20/02/2023 12:18

She probably meant cover part of her up with your own body to make her look slimmer.

Randobelia · 20/02/2023 12:18

Yes that's a cuntish thing to say.

Randobelia · 20/02/2023 12:18

I also thought she might have meant to cover up part of her.

Danneigh · 20/02/2023 12:20

I'd have assumed she meant by covering her, not by comparing herself to you!

EarringsandLipstick · 20/02/2023 12:20

That would upset me too, OP. I would try hard to file it under 'stupid shit people say without thinking', as if you like her, and think she is otherwise nice, that's probably what it was.

It still feels like a sting, absolutely, and is an utterly thoughtless thing to say. I think you need to remind yourself that as she was definitely bigger than you (which is of no consequence otherwise) it is not really as if you are making her look slim by being bigger, which is what that comment implies.

Baconking · 20/02/2023 12:20

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 20/02/2023 12:18

She probably meant cover part of her up with your own body to make her look slimmer.

This. Otherwise it makes no sense given your sizes

EarringsandLipstick · 20/02/2023 12:21

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 20/02/2023 12:18

She probably meant cover part of her up with your own body to make her look slimmer.

But how would that comment mean that? 'Make me look slim' doesn't correlate with 'cover part of my body with yours'. If she had said something like 'let me hide behind you' or 'you stand in front of me so I can't be seen', then yes.

ImSorryThatWasJustANoise · 20/02/2023 12:21

She meant cover some of her.

MasterBeth · 20/02/2023 12:22

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 20/02/2023 12:18

She probably meant cover part of her up with your own body to make her look slimmer.

Yes, or she may have just spluttered out the wrong thing. ("I will make you look slim.")

People seem very keen on Mumsnet to read the worst inference into anything that people say.

FrownedUpon · 20/02/2023 12:24

How would you make her look slim though if she’s a size 20? It doesn’t make any sense.

GGMTJ · 20/02/2023 12:25

Yes, I'd assume she meant partially stand in front of her so that her whole body isn't in the photo. I have friends who do this.

I'm sure she didn't mean that she would like slim in comparison to you. That would be very rude and a very odd thing to say given you're a 14. I think you're assuming the worst because you're feeling insecure.

MasterBeth · 20/02/2023 12:25

Or, she was talking to "the world"/the photographer, not exactly at you.

bellsbuss · 20/02/2023 12:26

I would have assumed she was talking to whoever was taking the picture

BooCrew · 20/02/2023 12:30

I think she meant stand in front of her to hide part of her body too. I'm a size 20 and I try to do this, though I don't say it out loud.

Paturday · 20/02/2023 12:34

I would have taken that to mean ‘cover part of my body to make me look thinner’, not ‘you’re bigger than me so I’ll look small next to you’.

And I have weight issues so a sore spot for me!

Original poster
LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2023 12:36

Yes, I do mostly think she meant cover her a little bit - BUT I didn't want to be in front of anyone.... Like I said, only mildly offended.
She though, might have been offended, when I said (literally confused) - "How?"
We did laugh though.
I just hoped that she didn't really mean that my physique would make hers look "better"
It will remain to be seen what the eventual outcome is, as that is the picture that is going to the local paper 😫

OP posts:
UdoU · 20/02/2023 12:40

Storm in a teacup as you are thinner than her.

I don't even understand why you are even mildly offended? How was supposed to know you didn't want to be in front of anyone, especially as you had your arms up?

Original poster
LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2023 12:40

bellsbuss · 20/02/2023 12:26

I would have assumed she was talking to whoever was taking the picture

No, it was to me, as she was pulling me towards her when she said it (not nastily).

I do have issues, but she wouldn't know that - although most women recognise that don't they.
I was wearing fluorescent yellow, which adds pounds (my excuse) - as I have seen on more candid photos that were taken and have already gone onto facebook 😩

OP posts:
UdoU · 20/02/2023 12:41

I do have issues, but she wouldn't know that - although most women recognise that don't they.

Again, how was she supposed to recognise your issues when you say you she only slightly knows you?

Original poster
LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2023 12:43

UdoU · 20/02/2023 12:40

Storm in a teacup as you are thinner than her.

I don't even understand why you are even mildly offended? How was supposed to know you didn't want to be in front of anyone, especially as you had your arms up?

There isn't even a storm in a teacup, just me wondering.....

She - as did others (we were only a small group, as I said) knew that I did NOT want to be in photographs, and putting my arms up was the best "pose" for being at the back, I would have thought 😊

We were in the centre of the village and had many passers-by - so the taking of pictures had been mentioned quite a bit before this one, as it was at the end of the work.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2023 12:46

UdoU · 20/02/2023 12:41

I do have issues, but she wouldn't know that - although most women recognise that don't they.

Again, how was she supposed to recognise your issues when you say you she only slightly knows you?

I said, she wouldn't know that. And I would not have expected her to. But she is a boutique owner, so is of course aware of women and size and all that.
But regardless, usually there is some sisterly solidarity when it comes to weight - let's face it, she wanted to be made to look slimmer.
And it's not something I would ever have said, even without thinking about it.

OP posts:
YellowDaffodillie · 20/02/2023 12:48

You'll be much happier if you stop trying to over analyse the nonsense stuff that people say.

People rarely think very deeply before spouting daft comments. It's simply their default position to say something, anything, in order to keep the mood cheery.

I'll say all sorts of shit and if I happen to realise it could be taken the wrong way, I'll probably gloss over it and move on. No point digging a bigger hole trying to explain what I meant as people will invariably focus on the wrong interpretation.

LavenderHillMob · 20/02/2023 12:51

I suspect she meant "please stand in front of me to hide my body". As someone not keen on being photographed yourself, can you see it from that POV OP?

It's unlikely to have been intended cattily.

Nosecan · 20/02/2023 12:52

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 20/02/2023 12:18

She probably meant cover part of her up with your own body to make her look slimmer.

This was my first thought

PuppyMonkey · 20/02/2023 12:56

Another one here who thinks you’ve totally misunderstood what she meant. She wanted to slightly hide behind anyone handy, she didn’t single you out in particular, she grabbed you because you were nearby.