Mildly offended ----- "Make me look slim"

[LoveMyPiano]

After a day doing voluntary clean-up, which was great fun anyway - we grouped together (about 8 of us - mixed gender) and I reluctantly joined in for a group photo (I always avoid being photographed/filmed, and this was recognised). I was sort of in the centre, but trying to be towards the back but with arms up.

The woman I had had most to do with through the day, and knew very slightly from the planning of this event, pulled me alongside her, and said, "Ooh yes, make me look slim".....
As I have said, I am only mildly offended (I am 14-16 size I would say, and she is probably s. 20 ish at the top, and taller than me...). I did enjoy the time, and we (all, but especially me and her) had great fun, as well as did a "good thing") - but - yes, "over"-sensitive, I know- is there any other way I could have read this?
And I do still like her, there would not be a nice way to ask what she meant, I don't think.
She obviously has way more confidence than me, and is a younger, but not by decades.

Also, I have been known to crop half of my body/face out of photos too if I feel I look fat in them! (bad I know) but only seeing half of your body in a photo does make you look slimmer.

You do seem a bit determined to find something to take offence at. People have offered a perfectly plausible alternative meaning for what she said, which is almost certainly what she meant. So then you've responded:

But I didn't want to be at the front
But she knew I didn't want to be in the photograph
But most women recognise other women have issues
But she's a boutique owner
But there should have been sisterly solidarity

It was just a brief moment in her day, and yours. Dont keep going over and over it, that way madness lies. And I bet you'll look great in the photo

All that I am doing is responding to comments. It is wrong to think that that means that I am going over and over it, in my mind.

(That seems to happen a lot on MN/forums in general; starting a thread and responding later questions and remarks and thereby continuing it means that the OP is "obsessed", or similar, when it is really just the very nature of this type of communication. I am obsessed about some things, but not this.)

Yes, she clearly wanted you standing a bit in front of her, to shave off a few inches off her width.

Yes, and I did ask "How?" meaning , did she want me in front of her in some way..... ? But there were not enough of us for me to still then be at the back (my preferred place).

OP in my experience most people are thinking about themselves and how they look, while also convinced that everyone else is thinking about them and how they look.
From her point of view she grabbed someone several sizes smaller than her and asked them to hide her body in a photo. She almost certainly wasn't thinking about your dislike of photos, and if she was wouldn't necessarily realise you didn't want to be photographed because of your size.
She probably never once considered that you might have body issues.
If there is nothing else in her behaviour to suggest she is nasty then the most obvious interpretation of her comment is she wanted you to hide her.

Sounds to me like she trusted you and had had a good time with you, so she knew she could pull you towards her and conspiratorially ask you to help her to look slimmer (by, as has been established already) covering her up.

You two sound like you could have the potential for a warm friendship there (unless she was mildly offended by the 'how?' comment - in which case you could laughingly refer to the moment next time you see her).

Exactly! We did get on well, in the context of what were doing.
And I did mean "How?" [should I stand a certain way to help you look slim.....]
But that would have meant that I would have been at the front (she knew that \I didn't want to even be in the picture| - like I said, a very small mixed group..
She - and I - did not say anything quietly though; the event brought out my inner "extrovert" shall we say 😏

Ahhh you both sound fab and I wish I'd been there too now! (I'd also have been diving out of the photo though)

She might have thought you were being rude by saying ‘how’. As in ‘how can I make you look thin, you’re fat!’ Which is not what you meant, but you can see how people can interpret things the wrong way!!

Yeah I think you misinterpreted it.

She might have been talking to the photographer. I struggle with my weight and I've definitely said this to the person taking the photograph before.

I don’t really get this because she’s quite a bit larger than you. If she said this as a size 10 then I’d understand your point but she’s 2-3 dress sizes bigger than you! She probably just meant because you’d cover a portion of her body up as others have said.

Lol. What does 'checking' someone involve. Sounds a bit Martina Cole!

I am a size 20 I think you are being over sensitive - she means stand a bit infront of her to slim down her silhoutte. From what you said you are smaller than her so I don't even get how you think she would be suggesting your body in itself would make her look slim?

At least half the people on this thread are suggesting that it probably wasn't a nasty thing to say.

It may have been a clumsy thing to say or a mistaken thing to say, but it may not be a nasty thing to say.

Why do you insist that it is?

And I have confessed to being over-sensitive haven't I?

However, she also knew that I wanted to be at the back, if in the photo at all!
She doesn't (and nor would you) get rights over where I stand, to make he "look slim" - no matter the sizes, and how well we were getting along.
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I have not "fallen out" with her over it. It was a great day 😍

But I didn't want to - size of her or me regardless.
I didn't even want to be in the bloody photo at all - and my concession was to be at the back - smiling and with my arms in the air.

The joke being that the friend is aware she's fat, and that by standing next to another lady on the, no offence, larger side, she would miraculously look slimmer.

It was a joke at her own expense but she also managed to insult, consciously or otherwise, the OP.

I am not exactly the size of a house.....