Mildly offended ----- "Make me look slim"

[LoveMyPiano]

After a day doing voluntary clean-up, which was great fun anyway - we grouped together (about 8 of us - mixed gender) and I reluctantly joined in for a group photo (I always avoid being photographed/filmed, and this was recognised). I was sort of in the centre, but trying to be towards the back but with arms up.

The woman I had had most to do with through the day, and knew very slightly from the planning of this event, pulled me alongside her, and said, "Ooh yes, make me look slim".....
As I have said, I am only mildly offended (I am 14-16 size I would say, and she is probably s. 20 ish at the top, and taller than me...). I did enjoy the time, and we (all, but especially me and her) had great fun, as well as did a "good thing") - but - yes, "over"-sensitive, I know- is there any other way I could have read this?
And I do still like her, there would not be a nice way to ask what she meant, I don't think.
She obviously has way more confidence than me, and is a younger, but not by decades.

I dont get the issue at all?

She pulled you to her, so trying to cover some of her up or she was mentioning it hopefully to the world/photographer

Its the sort of thing I would say while trying desperately not trying to be noticed although I would need about 3 people to cover me up

When I was bigger than now, I used to try and get into the middle on photos so that people would flank me and my size would be less obvious. I sometimes said ‘make me look slim’ jokily on these occasions. It wasn’t a comment on anyone else’s weight.
If she WAS having a dig at your weight when she’s a 20 and you’re 14-16, she’s in some sort of denial and you can just brush her comments off.

No, it was to me, as she was pulling me towards her when she said it (not nastily)

My sil and I do this to each other in family photos. Fannying around to get slightly behind each other. Always end up dragging a couple of kids in front.
The taller the better.

I might have misunderstood this but I had read what you wrote as her asking a for your help. As in ‘can you make me look slim please?’ Do you think she looked at you and thought, she’s a couple sizes under me, how does she do it? Maybe she can give me some tips?

I'm an absolute for straight talk at a time like this because i am beyond caring what cunts think of me.
So i would probably have said something like "make you look slim? how? how does that work? what is it you want me to do?" then i would have declined to be in the photo (i wouldn't have been in it anyway because i hate pictures of me)

Totally agree, you've completely misinterpreted the comment imo

Hm, no I don' think it was much like that; we were all having a laugh and it was a bit giddy. The only thing I would say is that she knew I was not really wanting to be photographed in the first place.

I think she sounds self conscious and was meaning that she was getting in to a position where she would look slimmer.

for example, if I was in group of 3 for a photo I would want to be in the middle with my arms behind the backs of the 2 flanking me as I would look slimmer. As opposed to being on the side and having my wobbly arm at the front.

given that you are slimmer than her she probably didn’t think in the slightest that you would mis-interpret what she was saying and be offended.

I have only ever heard people say this as in "you're fatter stand next to me to mak eme look even smaller"

lucky for me they aren't my friends/family and luckily for me i don't have my photo taken often

Well, I did actually do that..... We were all laughing and it was a happy environment, so I did blurt out "How??" but what I meant was, did she mean me to stand partially covering her, not, "How CAN I??", given relative sizes...
But, like you, I (nowadays) hate being in photos that I can't control....
God knows what will happen with the one for the newspaper.

Maybe it was a little dig at herself? Using humour to mask her discomfort of her size?

Yes, that's the general use of the phrase isn't it?
Hence my mild offence.
Very mild.

good for you for not exploding (as i would have, i've recently put on a lot of weight, and am very touchy about it)
I just duck out of photos, or make sure i really can't be seen at the back

I do this too. I am fat and I hate having my photo taken, so I'll grab whoever is nearest, man, woman, child or dog, I'm not fussy, and I'll hide half of my body behind them! It's to "make me look slim", not because they are fatter but because not as much of me will be visible on the photo. I honestly think that this is what this woman innocently meant too.

I don’t think there is a sister solidarity to anything outside SM. I’ve lost count how many disparaging remarks I’ve had from women when I was younger because I was ‘too’ skinny. Women can be downright nasty to each other, sister solidarity is a myth.

Well, I think my wail of "Hooww??" (which I too meant innocently) went some way to redressing things. BUT she also knew I was trying to stand at the back, so pulling me in front of her (we were only a small group) was not helpful in another way.
There WERE days when I would have been front and centre, whether that was what other people wanted or not, So this is judgement on me many years later 😆

@BellePeppa Yes, just wishful thinking on my part. And both a myth and misnomer. My sister has been horrible to me and I would never trust her - no such thing as solidarity between us, however much the optimistic fool in me might hope for it - quite the opposite (but not entirely our fault).
The other woman with whom I thought I had some solidarity was also quite the opposite - best friend (hah) became, quite literally, the Other Woman.

God all this self absorption.

It’s a shame but true. Outside of bad relationships (with men) anything to do with work or personal that has caused me great upset has nearly always been by women.

She cant have meant your fattwr then her is she is a size 20. It must have meant you block half of her out maybe

This was my first thought too and I think this is the most likely situation as well (let’s face it - even if somebody thought you were fat and would make them look thinner stood next to them, how many would actually say that out loud!) I think it’s obvious she meant for you to cover part of her body. I often partially hide behind others in big group photos if I’m feeling weight conscious.

If she were thinner than you I think it would be a very unreasonable thing for her to say. But since she's fatter than you I think the "cover up" theory is the right one and she was just being a bit over familiar with her language.

Definitely this!!

Were there lots of thinner people there? Maybe she meant she didn't want to stand next to any of them as they'd make her look huge where as standing next to you would make her look slimmer in comparison?

To be fair though however she meant it I think she could have been just as offended by you asking 'how?' She could easily have taken that as 'how could anything possibly make you look slimmer?'

I wouldn't overthink it, it just sounds like a bit of fun and not meant to be mean even if it was misguided - especially as she is actually bigger than you.

I rest my case.
Women can be horrible to women.
😘

(note that we were out doing a voluntary clean-up in our village🙄)