To invite my Mum round

[Letsgetreadybaby]

So me and the DCs always go to watch our football team together in the ground with my Mum. Husband also goes but sits with his friends. This was because he refused to move his seat to sit with us.
Tomorrow our team are on the TV and my Mum is by herself watching it. Me and husband and kids will be watching at home. Husband doesn't like my Mum but I would like to ask her round to watch it, kids adore her too so would love Grandma to come round.
Am I being unreasonable to ask her to come round even when i know he wouldn't like it?

Yeah, you lost me at "rank" @NaoiseNOTnoise. Human being don't outrank each other - only weirdos think this way.

What about OP's wishes, to take HER OWN CHILDREN to visit their grandmother, which this controlling arse of a man won't allow?

Or are you not counting OP's wishes - just her H's?

No it's not. Most people love it when their OH is close to a parent unless they're round every day or something. V strange

Explain it then. What do YOU think is gaslighting about wanting to have your mum round, when your H doesn't?

How is a difference in opinion & wishes the same thing as making a person doubt their own reality?

@Letsgetreadybaby

You have much bigger problems than a football match!!

I don't understand how your definition you have chosen restricts trivialising someone's thoughts an feelings not being psychological abuse?

I was speaking legally, sorry if you didn't understand. The parents rights are placed above the grandparents rights and the only entity who has higher rights than the mother and father over the children are the state when the parents are deemed unsafe to provide for children For example, when a child is on a LAC register the parents who may be jointly responsibly for the child's welfare with the state must get the states permission for certain actions. Hopefully you are now unlost.

I don't understand why you have chosen to ignore the fact that OP's H is trivialising her feelings that she wants to visit her mum with her DC.
Is that not abuse, but wanting her mum to visit her for a couple of hour is?

You're banging on as if it something OP is actively doing to her H. & also ignoring the concrete fact - that she has NOT invited her mother round. Neither does her mum ask to visit, because she already knows she will be unwelcome.

So who's the one being abusive, isolating OP, laying down the law?

But most importantly - why are you so keen to defend this bloke? The guy who is so jealous of the love his kids have for grandma that he wants to stop them from seeing her?

‘Restricts trivialising someone’s thoughts and feelings not being psychological abuse’ I’ve read this ten times and it doesn’t make any sense to me. You’ve been provided with the Oxford English Dictionary definition of gaslighting. If you have a problem with the meaning of the term take it up with them. The definition you have proposed is incorrect.

On the face of it, without having anymore information than OP saying he doesnt like my mum because we are close. This looks like alienation of the grandparents, isolations of the children and his wife from her mother. These are all indicators of abuse.

Indicators, don't always turn out to be true, lots of the time they do, not enough information to go on. Would it make it easier of the father suspects the grandmother of abusing the kids, or coming onto him, on being incapable because of alcohol or drugs? Maybe, but there just isn't enough information.

So while everyone seems to be arguing about feelings who is right and who is wrong you are ignoring the concept. Stop attacking me, I'm not defending him or her. Huge red flags on both sides for mother and father from each other.

Legally schmegally.
There is no legal precedent that says a husband is allowed to ban his wife from taking her children to see her mother. You're just making yourself look a bit silly now, with this monomania.

And you're still avoiding the real point - which is the ban this controlling man has put on OP taking the DC to her mum's.

You attempting to apply concepts here where they don’t fit. This isn’t a child welfare case. There is no ranking that applies here in any legal context and what you have said is absolute nonsense. The husband can’t get a court order banning the granny from the house on the basis he out ranks her.

Do you have a random phrase generator that you used to draft this post? More utter nonsense.

You can't invite your mother and children's grandmother over Tell your other half to grow up. Just because he doesn't like her wow..Dont let it get in between you and mum and kids, nothing better than a good mum/grandma and we don't have them forever x

I cant edit the post, and I don't feel inclined to add 1 word to it. I dont have a problem with the definition you supplied, I just happen to think the definition you supplied is the umbrella term which includes the act of trivialising your significant others thoughts and feelings.

Is trivialising someone else's thoughts and feeling not abusive to you? Its similar to telling them they are wrong for feeling a certain way and they should correct their views to the way you see it instead.
Its kinda creepy of someone to do that to another person they are married to.

OP I think you should tell your OH he has two choices as you are not leaving your Mum on her own. You can either (1) invite her round (with the expectation that he will be polite and even amicable with her) or (2) take the children round to visit her and watch the match.

Ask him which one he would prefer.

I think that says more about you than it does about me. Sorry. Maybe you should ignore my posts if you are having such trouble understanding nuance.

It’s the correct definition from the recognised world leader in defining the meaning of words. Manipulation can take many forms. Can you stop trying to derail the thread now.

I’ve no problem understanding nuance. You appear to have a problem identifying the actual issue the OP has - which is not grandparent alienation or trivialising feelings, it is that a controlling husband is trying to control his family and their relationships.

Yea i didnt think you would answer that one. You mean derail the thread by arguing about what gaslighting is? OOOOk.

That’s sad that she’s being treated like that & you seem so nonchalant about it like it’s the norm for him to be so jealous? Honestly I’d take the kids & go to hers to watch the footy. Then I’d have a short quick think about leaving him. Not a long hard think, because he sounds possessive & I wouldn’t like to live like that especially with my children.

Nonsense. If we take the OP at face value, which is the etiquette on here, he has no reasonable grounds to have such a strong aversion to the mother. As such his unreasonable feelings SHOULD be downplayed.
What if he decides he doesn't want OP to watch a film in his 'safe space' because he doesnt like the actor? Or not wear a certain item of clothing 'in his home' because he hates the colour? Would it be 'gaslighting' if the OP failed to validate these feelings too?

Can't you send him to his mates, or to a pub where they'll be watching. He'd enjoy that more than sitting with Grandma.

I’d consider his feelings if she was moving in or staying over, and if he had to make an effort eg clean and cook for her.

I’d consider his feelings if she’d done something to harm him.

but hating and banning someone’s parent because they’re close to the person you love is incredibly unreasonable and very controlling.

why does he want you to be isolated and without any support or love outside of him?

Would he be rude to your mum if you invited her around?

do you have other family/friends you are close to? How is your husband towards them?

how old are your children?

Jesus fucking Christ

Run - he sounds like a complete knob

He sounds like an absolute cunt - don't let him be the boss of you.