To ask if it’s possible to find a job that isn’t anxiety inducing

[StuartBroadBarmyArmy]

I need some inspiration. I have work anxiety (and it is just purely work related). I’m 39 and dream of being able to give up work. But I love working in general - can’t just sit around, love to be busy. But my job (law) has ground me down and I constantly experience some level of anxiety.

Please give me some hope. Are there other jobs out there that pay ok, and are enjoyable? I’m scared to take the leap because I’m on a good salary and what if I move into something horrible?

@Unicorn2022 You might have to do timesheets, but it would usually be for a specific purpose eg how much time are you spending on Project X, is 'Bill' taking up a lot of time with legal queries that he could be asking himself. Most in-house lawyers don't charge for or recover the value of their time so time recording is a bit pointless!

Also, your value is in how you contribute to the project objectives of the business which isn't measured in time spent but only whether the target has been met. The really like feeling that my objectives are aligned with my internal clients.

I think there is stress in all jobs. However, some jobs have a large amount of performance related stress that can really sap you over time. Law is one of those professions where there is , by nature, an environment of attack and defence which constantly stimulate the fight/flight/ freeze response. I should imagine medicine, nursing and caring are also highly stressful due to the high stakes and the very personal and unpredictable nature of the roles. Teaching with its constant observation, evaluation and pressure to perform is also highly stressful.

I couldn't leave my job entirely (I was a bit too old and set in my ways), but I managed to identify that most of my stress came from my over-stressed colleagues. When I managed to find work entirely online, about 50% of the stress went.

So, finding out what part of your job is stressing you the most, may lead to a happy compromise.

I think it must depend on what level and type of accounting. I was at director level in a top firm in personal tax and in the end took early retirement due to stress and anxiety. Demanding clients, constantly changing legislation, billing and productivity targets and pressures to expand all got too much while trying to bring up a family. It is not easy.

I took time off, then decided to retrain. I did a masters degree in a different field that was much less pressured. I now spend more time outdoors and work with lovely people in a calmer environment. We might be stressing about saving the planet but it is not the same type of daily stress that comes from working in the city.

Ah, you are a successful lawyer at the top of your game. Clearly intelligent and well paid, and you posted looking for hope and sympathy rather than career advice, because whilst you selected a career that you would have been supremely ignorant not to have known about and understood a decade or more ago, you stuck with it because what? You thought you could work through it? It would get easier? Or whatever.

I get it now. I misunderstood. I thought you were seeking advice of alternative careers you could follow that did not instil performance anxiety and were not adversarial or time measured in any ways.

I’m sorry. I feel sorry for you and I completely sympathise with your immensely difficult situation. Big hug. 💐

Have you thought about retraining? You could drive trains? It pays £45K a year.

@StuartBroadBarmyArmy I knew this thread would be about professional services of some sort. I also knew a bunch of people who didn't get it would pile on. Ignore them.

I work in a niche area of accountancy, and I can 100% relate. There are a number of reasons why it's so awful.

1. Charging your time in chunks of every 6 minutes. You get pressure to charge more (if the client will pay for it), to charge less (if the client won't), to have a higher recovery (so to charge less), to have a higher chargeability (so to charge more). If you're not a partner, and your WIP affects different people's ledgers, you also have internal politics. Living by every 6 minutes is awful.

2. Being managed by men, or women who act like men. The people at the very top are still predominantly male, and have a very aggressive management style, which is very facts-driven and does not factor in people's feelings. If you're more aimable or collaborative, being managed in this way just fuels anxiety. It's a clash of personalities.

3. Working in a service industry. We don't sell a product, we sell our time. And some clients are downright rude and unreasonable, and it can be miserable working for them. There is also the pressure to sell, sell, sell. Most people outside of professional services don't realise how much of a sales job it becomes at the top - it's all business development and networking. If you're an introvert, this is hell.

I cannot find an alternative career with similar pay - so if you also have bills to pay and a family to support, I'm not surprised you feel stuck, and that pressure also adds to the mental health car crash that is working in this field. I think the best solution might be to go in-house (the land of no time sheets). It will limit your career progression, but I think the stress will reduce, and that will be worth it.

The other option is to go solo, but that's even harder for a lawyer than an accountant, and it requires a certain amount of confidence in yourself that I imagine you don't have at this stage, having been worn down.

Look at in-house. The in-house lawyers I know are all considerably happier than the ones still working in practice.

@StuartBroadBarmyArmy

You could always retrain as a professional arsehole. Seems like there are a few on this thread who could give you expert advice.

He’s already a lawyer.

Oh, that one. My bad.

They all use the same language. I get them mixed up.

I have what is probably on the surface a highly stressful job working with very at risk individuals and I work a lot with safeguarding. I absolutely love my job and I don't have anxiety around it. But that's because I have excellent support in place organisationally, I'm encouraged and get really solid training and I get regular supervision where I'm able to reflect on things like my boundaries. And honestly I think that holding solid personal boundaries and being very straight and consistent about that is one of the most important things anyone can do to manage their stress in their workplace. Would you feel differently if you worked in a different firm which was more supportive and a better team environment? I'd suggest going for counselling (I do this as a way to maintain my mh in the same way the gym helps my physical health) and explore what your main anxiety triggers are, find ways to manage that or explore at least which things are no longer workable for you. That might help you find some direction.

What exactly are you trying to achieve by posting this? To make yourself feel better? I suspect you spend the rest of your time mansplaining.

I bet the OP doesn't cry if they don't get age checked when they buy wine though.

I totally sympathise @StuartBroadBarmyArmy, I felt everything you’ve described when I was in law. The pressure from all angles was just ridiculous. The stress of the job caused issues with fertility & once I had my children I realised that I really didn’t care anymore. I now do complementary therapies & it’s been life changing. My life in law feels like an entirely different timeline. One particular notable moment was realising that I couldn’t remember the last time I had a headache, which used to be a daily occurrence. Weirdly, I use lots of skills I had as a lawyer which I never imagined would be the case when I was training!