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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how to deal with archenemy in the workplace?

82 replies

Keyansier · 18/02/2023 17:12

Just canvassing for general opinions and wonder whether people think this is an overreactive response or justified on my behalf. A few weeks ago a new guy started at my workplace and he is, to put it bluntly, one of the most horrid people I have ever met in my entire life. The worst thing is, I’ve been lumbered with the task of training him up so have to talk and listen to him all day. He is abrasive, obnoxious, doesn’t seem to like to listen to anyone else but yet loves the sound of his own voice, is always right and never wrong like doesn’t admit whenever he’s made a mistake, tells jokes and then laughs at his own jokes even though they’re not even funny, is abrupt, condescending and sometimes just out and out plain downright rude. I am getting to the point of thinking of making an excuse as to why I can’t train him any longer. I have started thinking of him as my archenemy. He is consistently draining.

Is there anything I could legitimately say to get him trained by someone else without it sounding like I just don’t like him that I could put forward as a plausible reason to management without it looking bad on me? I also feel a bit intimidated by him. Has anyone else dealt with a similar scenario or have any general advice on dealing with something like this?

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 18/02/2023 22:25

How are you doing/feeling right now OP? I hope all is well

Original poster
Keyansier · 19/02/2023 11:51

cassiatwenty · 18/02/2023 22:25

How are you doing/feeling right now OP? I hope all is well

Hi @cassiatwenty thank you for your kind reply. I'm fine now as it's the weekend! It's just the weekdays with him in my presence that are difficult 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Keyansier · 19/02/2023 11:52

BalloonInvestigator · 18/02/2023 20:53

OP have you tried gurning and spitting into a bin in front of this person?

I have read this several times and don't understand the joke/comment.

OP posts:
custardbear · 19/02/2023 11:56

I'd ask your manager if you can rotate the training throughout the team - does the manager know this guy is an idiot?

radiatorflush · 19/02/2023 11:57

Have you cried about it op?

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 19/02/2023 12:00

You know what they say - keep your friends close and your enemies closer. As he’s your arch enemy, you need to keep him super-close. Befriend him; stick to him like glue. Then, as soon as his back is turned, say to yourself “You will pay; oh yes, you WILL pay. As God and the heavenly angels are my witnesses, vengeance shall be mine! MUHAHAHAHAAA!!”

VirtualRealitee · 19/02/2023 12:08

I'd love to hear his opinion on you OP.

I'm wondering if it would be quite as theatrical and dramatic.

cassiatwenty · 19/02/2023 12:19

Hi @Keyansier

I'm glad you are doing okay and that you can rest a bit now when it's Sunday. Totally ok to feel drained at work.

I don't think or feel you are overreacting at all, and if there are any updates or you just want to check in with someone, I'm here 😊

I believe things will get resolved and you will feel better at work again.

XanaduKira · 19/02/2023 12:24

User0ne · 18/02/2023 19:47

I think you could separate your dislike of him and the things that are making him very difficult to train. You could go to your manager and say you are concerned he isn't making progress for the following reasons

  • he does not respond to feedback
  • he will not accept when he has made a mistake and insists that what he did was correct
  • he is being rude to you (have some clear examples)
Suggest that he might respond better to someone else.

This raises the "work problems" with your manager and they can keep a closer eye on him whether they change his trainer or not. He might not make it through probation

This is good advice.

Rogue1001MNer · 19/02/2023 12:31

Hi @Keyansier

This MIGHT have been what @BalloonInvestigator was referring to. It's what you said yesterday on another thread. HTH
(Apologies if I'm wrong @BalloonInvestigator)

Keyansier · Yesterday 17:32

Fluttershyy · Yesterday 17:30

youre that rude! Christ. Feel sorry for any poor bugger who tries to do a nice thing for you.

but that wasn’t the point it was the insistence on one thing and not letting it go

Show quote history

I don't do it purposely but if someone feeds me food and I don't like it when I taste it I will most likely make a disgusted face and be keen to spit it out at the most immediate opportunity. It's an involuntary action on my behalf.

Original poster
Keyansier · 19/02/2023 12:49

Rogue1001MNer · 19/02/2023 12:31

Hi @Keyansier

This MIGHT have been what @BalloonInvestigator was referring to. It's what you said yesterday on another thread. HTH
(Apologies if I'm wrong @BalloonInvestigator)

Keyansier · Yesterday 17:32

Fluttershyy · Yesterday 17:30

youre that rude! Christ. Feel sorry for any poor bugger who tries to do a nice thing for you.

but that wasn’t the point it was the insistence on one thing and not letting it go

Show quote history

I don't do it purposely but if someone feeds me food and I don't like it when I taste it I will most likely make a disgusted face and be keen to spit it out at the most immediate opportunity. It's an involuntary action on my behalf.

Well, if you're correct (and yes, I do remember writing that post you quoted) neither yours nor @BalloonInvestigator 's comments make any logical sense in regards to this thread, as the thread you quoted me on is miles apart from this one. The quoted thread was about reacting to food eaten which tastes horrible, my thread is about how to deal with an annoying colleague. The two are not in the slightest bit related Confused

OP posts:
rothbury · 19/02/2023 12:55

Is this a reverse?

VyeBrator · 19/02/2023 12:57

I agree those things aren't really related but remembering a lot of your posts, it does seem as though you've met a mirror image of yourself in this guy at work.

When two personalities are so alike, clashes do happen so you'll either have to pull on your professional Y-fronts, or ask to be separated from him, citing a clash of personalities.

Blessedwithsunshine · 19/02/2023 13:07

I would escalate your concerns, it’s going to be difficult for anyone to work with him op. I’d flag it now, stick to the facts and ask them to spend some time with him.

Sparklfairy · 19/02/2023 13:14

Ohhh just noticed who the OP is. Tbh you probably clash because you're so alike!

LucyLeave · 19/02/2023 13:22

Reverse.

roundtable · 19/02/2023 13:31

You've set the groundwork for this thread very well op.

In the case of you being genuine - you have a very reactive and dramatic posting style. Which will make people think that it might be related to your behaviour.

Are you usually a 'big' personality at work? How would your colleagues describe you do you think? How do they find this new person?

Riapia · 19/02/2023 13:46

YANBU. OP. But you already know that.
Pity you didn’t mention about him screaming in your face, that usually gets people on your side.
A recently deceased close friend or relative can prove useful in building empathy.
A child in ICU could swing things your way.

VirtualRealitee · 19/02/2023 13:50

Riapia · 19/02/2023 13:46

YANBU. OP. But you already know that.
Pity you didn’t mention about him screaming in your face, that usually gets people on your side.
A recently deceased close friend or relative can prove useful in building empathy.
A child in ICU could swing things your way.

I'm not even sure major anxiety and a parking diagram could swing things this one's way.

Heronwatcher · 19/02/2023 13:56

Train him, it’s part of your job. If his behaviour crosses the line report him to manager/ HR. But telling a joke and then laughing at it is hardly a cause for disciplinary action. FGS don’t make some excuse and just leave it for someone else to sort out.

ItsCalledAConversation · 19/02/2023 13:59

GoodChat · 18/02/2023 20:27

He is abrasive, obnoxious, doesn’t seem to like to listen to anyone else but yet loves the sound of his own voice, is always right and never wrong like doesn’t admit whenever he’s made a mistake, tells jokes and then laughs at his own jokes even though they’re not even funny, is abrupt, condescending and sometimes just out and out plain downright rude.

Do you think you're clashing because you're so alike?

My thoughts exactly. OP we’ve seen how you operate across many, many threads…do you ever consider it might not be just him, it may also be you?

2bazookas · 19/02/2023 14:45

OP The quoted thread was about reacting to food eaten which tastes horrible, my thread is about how to deal with an annoying colleague. The two are not in the slightest bit related

 The link is, both are problems a mature adult should be able to resolve   in a calm discreet manner.  Your reactions are  childishly immature.  You can't cope.

You don't like being on the receiving end of childish, annoying behaviour by the trainee. Maybe you need to set a better example for him to follow.

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 19/02/2023 14:49

@Keyansier It's possible that this man is behaving in a perfectly normal way and you're seeing things that just aren't there.

You seem to have a lot of drama in your life, everything and everyone offends you. Your posts on this site make me think that you constantly need validation and praise to function. You spend a lot of time on a website that was set up for parents and is used my mainly women. Perhaps what you need is a strong female mentor in your life

ScentOfAMemory · 19/02/2023 14:54

JizzlordTheCat · 18/02/2023 20:03

My thoughts when I read the title of this thread was “what kind of grown adult has an arch enemy?” and then I clicked on, saw who the OP was, and realised I’d answered my own question.

Quite.
I was going to say "try not acting like you're an over dramatic 6 year old"

However, if this person actually is your arch enemy @Keyansier (in that you and this person already know each other, have a complicated personal history etc etc) then it's obviously highly inappropriate that you are training them and you need to speak to your line manager accordingly.

not that I think for a second that's what it is obvs.

Ludo19 · 19/02/2023 14:58

This is the first time I've seen an OP getting flamed, am I missing something?

@Keyansier your new work colleague sounds a buffon. Try, if you can and steer him in the right direction. I know some characters who'd try the patience of a Saint. Hopefully you'll not have to train him up much longer.