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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas, MIL, bother…

52 replies

Isthistherealworld · 17/02/2023 02:03

MIL is already on her third plan for xmas this year. AIBU saying no, we’re doing xmas at home, she can join but not hosting

OP posts:
ComeTheFckOnBridget · 17/02/2023 02:08

👍

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 02:24

Oh dear god......

Original poster
Isthistherealworld · 17/02/2023 02:34

Lol, thanks. I feel bad as partner obviously trying to look after his mum, amd she likes being centre of attention. But for me, now we have child (will be 2 at xmas) my only focus is making xmas magical for her.

and three plans by feb…fuck off

OP posts:
Pirrin · 17/02/2023 02:50

Just have a stock answer for all plans of "Mmm, that's a possibility, let's see how we feel nearer the time".

ArrrMeHearties · 17/02/2023 03:29

Fml it's February... She's not the queen (however much she might think she is). Tell her Xmas is going to be x y and z this year due to having dc

FeinCuroxiVooz · 17/02/2023 03:54

I think she needs more hobbies/friends/volunteering commitments in her life if she is thinking about next Christmas in fucking February.

"I don't have time to think aboit next Christmas yet, it's only February, but when I do it will be about how to have the day at home."

look out though - she needs to be distracted from Christmas obsessions even if not hosting. she seems like a prime candidate for the kinds of bonkers mil behaviour regularly reported on mn where they try to dominate and queen-bee even if not hosting.

Donotgogentle · 17/02/2023 04:11

Is she worried about being on her own next Christmas so wants to make a plan now so she can relax?

If so, that’s not unreasonable. But you can make clear you’ll be staying at yours and she’s welcome to come to you.

Munches · 17/02/2023 04:13

FeinCuroxiVooz · 17/02/2023 03:54

I think she needs more hobbies/friends/volunteering commitments in her life if she is thinking about next Christmas in fucking February.

"I don't have time to think aboit next Christmas yet, it's only February, but when I do it will be about how to have the day at home."

look out though - she needs to be distracted from Christmas obsessions even if not hosting. she seems like a prime candidate for the kinds of bonkers mil behaviour regularly reported on mn where they try to dominate and queen-bee even if not hosting.

😁

garlictwist · 17/02/2023 04:18

This is actually insane. Who thinks about Christmas in February? I wonder if she doesn't have a lot going on or is a bit depressed or obsessional. I would be kind but firm that you don't want to enter into conversations until nearer the time (like December!) and draw a line under all the "plans"

BeeDavis · 17/02/2023 05:48

Talking about Xmas in Feb?! She sounds like my kind of woman 🤣🤣 My little boy is 1 and still reading his Santa books! 😂

freezingpompoms · 17/02/2023 05:59

Pirrin · 17/02/2023 02:50

Just have a stock answer for all plans of "Mmm, that's a possibility, let's see how we feel nearer the time".

Perfect.

freezingpompoms · 17/02/2023 05:59

Donotgogentle · 17/02/2023 04:11

Is she worried about being on her own next Christmas so wants to make a plan now so she can relax?

If so, that’s not unreasonable. But you can make clear you’ll be staying at yours and she’s welcome to come to you.

Also perfect

LindorDoubleChoc · 17/02/2023 06:33

Good God! I thought the thread title was referring to a grudge from Christmas 2022. This is completely nuts, all of it.

StaceySolomonSwash · 17/02/2023 06:51

Pirrin · 17/02/2023 02:50

Just have a stock answer for all plans of "Mmm, that's a possibility, let's see how we feel nearer the time".

So come November she'll say "but you agreed this is what we're doing this Christmas way back in February..."

Need to be more non-committal and say "I'm
not even thinking about Christmas until (Oct/Nov) let alone deciding what we're doing then! Now. Cup of tea?" And change the subject.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 17/02/2023 07:22

No just no it's not even spring yet!

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 07:24

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 17/02/2023 07:22

No just no it's not even spring yet!

We've not had pancake day.....

MichelleScarn · 17/02/2023 07:29

StaceySolomonSwash · 17/02/2023 06:51

So come November she'll say "but you agreed this is what we're doing this Christmas way back in February..."

Need to be more non-committal and say "I'm
not even thinking about Christmas until (Oct/Nov) let alone deciding what we're doing then! Now. Cup of tea?" And change the subject.

Show quote history

Definitely this! Listen carefully to what she's saying because it'll be all booked and inrefundable and v v sad face when she doesn't get her way...

CeeceeBloomingdale · 17/02/2023 07:30

If you already know what you are doing i.e. staying at home then tell her this clearly now rather than give hazy answers and keep her hanging. If she's on her own she might want to plan ahead, know which invitations to accept etc.

toomuchlaundry · 17/02/2023 07:36

How old is she?

Xol · 17/02/2023 08:05

Pirrin · 17/02/2023 02:50

Just have a stock answer for all plans of "Mmm, that's a possibility, let's see how we feel nearer the time".

But MIL's plans aren't a possibility. The stock answer needs to be "The only think I'm planning at this stage is Christmas at home, hosted by us".

PandasAreUseless · 17/02/2023 08:14

Get. A. Life.
Both of you.
Your MIL for giving a shit in FEBRUARY! And you for not shutting it down in an instant.

worried4698643 · 17/02/2023 08:16

I've still got a box of celebrations I'm working through from last Xmas. Way to soon to be speaking about next year.

Just tell her it's too soon for you to make any plans. Unless you are certain you want to spend it at home, in that case, tell her that now.

HufflepuffRavenclaw · 17/02/2023 08:19

Fuck me, it's the 17th February.

Tell your MIL that you are not discussing December for another 9 months. I cannot stand this obsession with a year-round Christmas.

Changingplace · 17/02/2023 08:22

freezingpompoms · 17/02/2023 05:59

Perfect.

Show quote history

Not perfect, this leaves MIL thinking her plans are potentially happening, in her mind this will morph into they are happening because she brought it up so long ago.

OP if you want Xmas at home you need to just say that right now, leave no room for miscommunication.

Much as it’s insane in general to even be thinking about it this early!

LookItsMeAgain · 17/02/2023 08:27

How about this as the response:
"Mmmm....maybe....we'll see closer to the time"

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