Page 2 | Xmas, MIL, bother…

Isthistherealworld · 2023-02-17T02:03:58+00:00

MIL is already on her third plan for xmas this year. AIBU saying no, we’re doing xmas at home, she can join but not hosting

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 17/02/2023 08:36

Your own response is perfect. "We're doing Christmas at home - you're welcome to join us"

DNBU · 17/02/2023 08:40

Maybe she’s worried about feeling excluded?

ImAvingOops · 17/02/2023 08:43

This is an easy one - you just say you've decided to have Christmas at home and she's welcome to join you on the day, if she wants.

unclebuck · 17/02/2023 08:45

When anyone mentions Xmas before November I last and say something silly like "Oh I have no idea, I imagine Keanu will have come to his senses and proposed by then so I might be in LA" or "Oh I have no idea, I was thinking of a career change so I might be working a dancer on a cruise ship by then" etc

mogsrus · 17/02/2023 08:53

Bet the sprouts are on😹

Twilightstarbright · 17/02/2023 08:57

Depends where you are based surely? If I left plans until November I’d be paying an excruciating amount for flights. All our family live abroad so we have these conversations early.

If you want to host, tell MIL now that that’s your plan and she has time to make alternate arrangements. After that it’s grey rock- this is our plan on repeat.

forrestgreen · 17/02/2023 09:01

'We'll be having Christmas at home, here. Please let us know if your plans fall through and you'd like to join us'

Thatcatisdrivingmenuts · 17/02/2023 09:05

She's being clever and staking an early claim to host it. If you don't want to go to hers, tell her.

chipsandpeas · 17/02/2023 09:29

Pirrin · 17/02/2023 02:50

Just have a stock answer for all plans of "Mmm, that's a possibility, let's see how we feel nearer the time".

why, just say no imo going with this then saying no she will kick off big time

cruisebaba1 · 17/02/2023 19:24

Isthistherealworld · 17/02/2023 02:34

Lol, thanks. I feel bad as partner obviously trying to look after his mum, amd she likes being centre of attention. But for me, now we have child (will be 2 at xmas) my only focus is making xmas magical for her.

and three plans by feb…fuck off

She’s frightened of being left out/ or left on her own, both my Mil and M were like this.

Original poster

Isthistherealworld · 17/02/2023 23:22

Thanks for the feedback, between you all you have definitely nailed it! She is lonely and going through a difficult time, however I dont want to be forced into her plans.
I initially started off telling my partner I wasn’t prepared to discuss Xmas in Feb. Then when the third suggestion came up said - nope not happening. Xmas will be at ours and youre more than welcome.
I think problem is she wants to host a “party” whilst i want a more traditional half munched mince pie and xmas tree setting for my daughters early years.
she is very much welcomed and expected here….its just not what she wants

OP posts:

FavouriteSlippers · 17/02/2023 23:24

Just say we're staying at home as be nice for DD. Let us know in NOVEMBER at the earliest if you would like to join us

Original poster

Isthistherealworld · 17/02/2023 23:28

FavouriteSlippers · 17/02/2023 23:24

Just say we're staying at home as be nice for DD. Let us know in NOVEMBER at the earliest if you would like to join us

Ive told my partner this many a time, told him to tell MIL its my idea and not shifting. But just feel bad for him as she keeps banging on about it and making him feel guilty. He’s stuck between rock and a hard place

OP posts:

declutteringmymind · 18/02/2023 00:01

She's turning it into a battle that she needs to win it seems. Maybe she can throw DH a birthday party or something.

LookItsMeAgain · 18/02/2023 06:46

Have a party in the summer. An outdoor garden party. That's if she really wants to host a party.

Orders76 · 18/02/2023 09:16

Well Christmas in February, you could take it and raise by every year 😃
Sorry mil, now that we have kids we'll be spending Christmases at home making it special for them.

JMSA · 18/02/2023 09:41

I think you're being more than fair, OP, in wanting Christmas at home but extending the invitation to her too.

Calphurnia88 · 18/02/2023 11:53

Bit bonkers she's already planning it in February, but this gives you (or DP) the perfect opportunity to say that since DD will be old enough to join the fun you're planning to spend Christmas at home, but she's welcome to join you.

Rinse and repeat as needed.

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 18/02/2023 12:15

Just tell her you are not doing Christmas this year.

Ponoka7 · 18/02/2023 12:25

What are you planning for Easter? If nothing then let her do her hosting then and stick to your guns.

Pricklyheath · 18/02/2023 12:45

Last Christmas dd summonsed invited us all to worship her firstborn, which we were happy to do as the baby is gorgeous. Although I had to stop myself referring to dgc as baby Jesus!
A week after Christmas dd announced that next christmas it's just her, her dh and firstborn.
We are however summonsed invited again to the first birthday bbq this time.

GiltEdges · 18/02/2023 12:51

Pricklyheath · 18/02/2023 12:45

Last Christmas dd summonsed invited us all to worship her firstborn, which we were happy to do as the baby is gorgeous. Although I had to stop myself referring to dgc as baby Jesus!
A week after Christmas dd announced that next christmas it's just her, her dh and firstborn.
We are however summonsed invited again to the first birthday bbq this time.

Lovely. How does this help OP?

Teatime55 · 18/02/2023 13:01

I think not giving a response means she thinks you are open to going there. Better to be clear now.
Couldn’t she do something for new year instead?

BIWI · 18/02/2023 13:09

But saying that your partner is 'between a rock and hard place' sort of implies that he isn't as firmly on your side as he might be!

Do you both agree that next Christmas will be at yours? And you're both happy to welcome your MIL? If so, then no need for him to feel guilty.

You make it clear that's what's happening, right now, and then don't allow any more discussion of the subject.

creamwitheverything · 18/02/2023 14:09

Only one thing for it OP..get a holiday booked flying out on 23rd december back after new year. Your little one is too young to realise so it will be fine.