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Original poster

6 year old afraid to be alone ... ever

64 replies

NightSprinkles · 16/02/2023 21:55

Shamelessly posting here for traffic. I'm desperate for help. My six year old DD is terribly afraid of being on her own anywhere even in our house (when we are all at home). She won't go alone to the toilet or to another room or anywhere she can't see either me or my husband. Sometimes when she is distracted she will but only till she realises that she is alone and then she starts screaming and crying. She just panics.

I just don't know what to do. Apart from that I think this might not be normal and there must be something going on it also makes life quite difficult when one of us always has to be with her. I feel she misses out on so much because she is scared all the time of something or the other. She is also scared of water or taking any physical risk.

I'm not sure when it started. She's always been very cautious and hesitant but this inability to be on her own for or to go to another room in the house on her own has been going on for at least a couple of years.

Has anyone got any experience with this it any idea how to deal with it? Anything you can share would be appreciated. I think we need to consult a psychologist (also about her very, very poor eating) but I haven't found anyone suitable and affordable yet.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 16/02/2023 21:56

Buy some walkie talkies and take it slow.

SunshineLoving · 16/02/2023 21:57

Can you be certain that nothing has happened to her? I haven't heard of this before OP but all I can guess is that something has happened to her.

Definitely consult the doctors.

Tramma · 16/02/2023 21:59

Has she seen anything she shouldn’t on tv or been shown something? My DS was like this after he was shown a bit of a horror movie by his 12 year cousin. Weirdly he wasn’t like it anywhere but home. Lasted about 8 months ish.

Ponoka7 · 16/02/2023 22:00

How is she in school? Could she be on the spectrum? Are there any other signs of anxiety?

cestlavielife · 16/02/2023 22:00

Buy on amazon
What to Do When You Worry Too Much is an interactive self-help book designed to guide 6-12 year olds and their parents through the cognitive-behavioral techniques most often used in the treatment of generalized anxiety. Engaging, encouraging, and easy to follow, this book educates, motivates, and empowers children to work towards change. It includes a note to parents by psychologist and author Dawn Huebner, PhD

Humphplumf · 16/02/2023 22:01

Hello, I have similar with DD. It’s been going on since she was very small. As long as I can remember really. It’s funny because she’s not particularly clingy, but if she is in another room and I’m quiet, even now at age ten, she’ll suddenly shout ‘mum’ and get louder and louder to near panic if I don’t answer within the first 3 calls.
I try really hard to justo sort of say ‘yes DD, how can I help’? But obviously it’s very irritating. I’m kind of hoping she just grows out of it. It’s got better, but it’s a very slow process. It was compounded by DH spending some time in hospital a few years ago, and when I had a baby years before that.

Original poster
NightSprinkles · 16/02/2023 22:01

KangarooKenny · 16/02/2023 21:56

Buy some walkie talkies and take it slow.

That's an idea we haven't tried yet. Thanks!!

OP posts:
Original poster
NightSprinkles · 16/02/2023 22:03

SunshineLoving · 16/02/2023 21:57

Can you be certain that nothing has happened to her? I haven't heard of this before OP but all I can guess is that something has happened to her.

Definitely consult the doctors.

Given how extreme (I believe) her behaviour is I would have thought so but I just can't think of what could have happened to her or when. As far as I know nothing traumatic has happened.

OP posts:
BonjourCrisette · 16/02/2023 22:05

I know how hard this is. This was DD when she was younger. Nothing happened to her. She was just anxious. I would suggest taking your daughter to the GP and trying to get some CAMHS input. If that is not possible, look at private therapy and especially CBT. This is the best way you can treat anxiety.

Original poster
NightSprinkles · 16/02/2023 22:07

Tramma · 16/02/2023 21:59

Has she seen anything she shouldn’t on tv or been shown something? My DS was like this after he was shown a bit of a horror movie by his 12 year cousin. Weirdly he wasn’t like it anywhere but home. Lasted about 8 months ish.

No, on the contrary. Till she was two I was very keen on keeping screen time to a minimum so except for the odd Peppa pig and in the night garden she has never seen anything before age of two. Since then she watches more stuff but it's always age appropriate. But even stuff like paw patrol scares her and gives her nightmares (though she loves watching it). Sometimes I wonder if maybe she had watched marvel or some thing similar before the age of two like our friends' kids did she might have got a bit desensitised and wouldn't be so sensitive and afraid now.

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 16/02/2023 22:08

We had this, but caused by a holiday, was awful. We just kept reassuring, and it's getting better gradually. She's 5.

onionringcheeseypuff · 16/02/2023 22:09

My son was the same

Cat died when he was 7 and he suddenly realised one day mum and dad will die and he will be alone

He was afraid of the dark anyway. Quite normal

But he wouldn't go anywhere in house alone

We had to go to the toilet with him, stay with him til he fell asleep, has to constantly talk to him and he needed to hear the tv on very loudly so he knew we were around if he woke up in the night and we weren't there, wouldn't go to toilet in the night would wet the bed so had to have baby monitors again so he could shout me to take him

We decided to buy smart bulbs and every room had an Alexa and we made routines for lights to be on full then at certain times would dim and over a long time (sorry but it was over a year maybe more) gradually got him used to lower lights about the house and knowing he could speak to us through them like an intercom anywhere in house helped

He had sleep sounds on the Alexa at night

Honestly he needed a lot of guidance and CAMHS got involved and were less than actually useless so we just made our own coping strategies then gradually withdrew them

Original poster
NightSprinkles · 16/02/2023 22:10

Ponoka7 · 16/02/2023 22:00

How is she in school? Could she be on the spectrum? Are there any other signs of anxiety?

I don't think so. Academically, she is excelling and the teachers seem very pleased with her. Socially she is ok but not great. I think because she can't keep up with the other kids she doesn't like a lot of the games they play. But she has quite a few friends. She is the youngest in her class (born end of August) and half the size of most other kids. She is very thin and also short for her age. Sometimes I wonder if that makes her feel vulnerable. Maybe she thinks she is weak. (Well she is definitely weaker than the other kids and she might have noticed that too).

OP posts:
Original poster
NightSprinkles · 16/02/2023 22:11

cestlavielife · 16/02/2023 22:00

Buy on amazon
What to Do When You Worry Too Much is an interactive self-help book designed to guide 6-12 year olds and their parents through the cognitive-behavioral techniques most often used in the treatment of generalized anxiety. Engaging, encouraging, and easy to follow, this book educates, motivates, and empowers children to work towards change. It includes a note to parents by psychologist and author Dawn Huebner, PhD

Thank you. I will do that. Have you used it yourself?

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 16/02/2023 22:11

Its completely normal, and completely instinctive - in prehistoric times she would be a tasty bite for a passing predator if she was out of your sight

Many children react like this at this age.

Reassurance, praise for being brave, but really, just dont make a big thing of it, she will grow out of it

Original poster
NightSprinkles · 16/02/2023 22:16

Humphplumf · 16/02/2023 22:01

Hello, I have similar with DD. It’s been going on since she was very small. As long as I can remember really. It’s funny because she’s not particularly clingy, but if she is in another room and I’m quiet, even now at age ten, she’ll suddenly shout ‘mum’ and get louder and louder to near panic if I don’t answer within the first 3 calls.
I try really hard to justo sort of say ‘yes DD, how can I help’? But obviously it’s very irritating. I’m kind of hoping she just grows out of it. It’s got better, but it’s a very slow process. It was compounded by DH spending some time in hospital a few years ago, and when I had a baby years before that.

How interesting. Maybe it is just personality and some kids are like this. I hope she will be able to be in a different room at some point too. Funnily enough she is actually quite independent and quote capable. She likes doing things herself but one of us has to be in the room.

I keep taking my brain where we Wentworth wrong. We definitely both tend to err on the side of over protective but not in an extreme way and we try very hard to give her as much independence as possible and encourage her to do things. I used to spend lots of time with her when she was younger when she wasn't at nursery and sometimes I wonder if she didn't have enough of a chance to get used to being on her own.

Hope this improves for your daughter as well!!

OP posts:
Mardyface · 16/02/2023 22:16

The book 'Helping your child with fears and worries' by Lucy Willets and Cathy cresswell was recommended to me by a child psychologist and was really helpful for my DD. It's a workbook with ideas about how to talk about why she doesn't want to be left alone, unpick that a bit, and gradually help her do it at her own pace.

I had a magical moment with one of the techniques from it with DD when she was talking about why it was she didn't want a mirror in her room. You just say, 'I would feel scared too if I thought... (I might fall into the mirror Hmm)'. So you're not saying they're right but you're validating the feeling. She kind of nodded and realised I got it and wasn't just being irritated with her and we turned a bit of a corner then.

Original poster
NightSprinkles · 16/02/2023 22:19

onionringcheeseypuff · 16/02/2023 22:09

My son was the same

Cat died when he was 7 and he suddenly realised one day mum and dad will die and he will be alone

He was afraid of the dark anyway. Quite normal

But he wouldn't go anywhere in house alone

We had to go to the toilet with him, stay with him til he fell asleep, has to constantly talk to him and he needed to hear the tv on very loudly so he knew we were around if he woke up in the night and we weren't there, wouldn't go to toilet in the night would wet the bed so had to have baby monitors again so he could shout me to take him

We decided to buy smart bulbs and every room had an Alexa and we made routines for lights to be on full then at certain times would dim and over a long time (sorry but it was over a year maybe more) gradually got him used to lower lights about the house and knowing he could speak to us through them like an intercom anywhere in house helped

He had sleep sounds on the Alexa at night

Honestly he needed a lot of guidance and CAMHS got involved and were less than actually useless so we just made our own coping strategies then gradually withdrew them

Thank you for sharing. We've got an echo in her room and downstairs and we still also use the baby monitor. I tell her that whenever she goes in the house she isn't very far from somebody else and we can always hear her. Maybe we should try communicating through Alexa like the walkie talkie idea above.

OP posts:
saltwater1985 · 16/02/2023 22:22

My dd is 6.5 and wants me (or anyone) to go upstairs to the loo with her.

It's irritating but she will grow out of it. She's my third and I think the older two did similar at that age.
I remember DD1 being terrified that a meteorite would hit earth. Every day I had to reassure her there weren't any coming our way.
DS currently is worried about the bloody Chinese spy balloons 🙄 they all seem to have worries and need some calm reassurance but try not to get drawn into the anxiety

VestaTilley · 16/02/2023 22:23

Do either you or DH have anxiety or ASD? I’m wondering about heritability and learned behaviour. Definitely see the GP.

Are you sure nothing bad couldn’t have happened to her? When you were at a relatives house, family friends? I’d be worried she’s seen something or something awful has happened at school maybe, or in nursery.

Haggisfish3 · 16/02/2023 22:26

My dd was the same. And with eating. She is slowly growing out of the being alone thing-she spends time on the computer now chatting to friends which helps.

Nimbostratus100 · 16/02/2023 22:27

I dont understand why people dont realise this is normal

Children are afraid of monsters

For 99% of the time our species has existed on the planet, most children were vulnerable to predators

Their instincts to avoid being vulnerable and fear the monster is deeply ingrained.
It is biological..it is normal..it is automatic.. it is just reflexive. It is completely NOT because something bad has happened to them! or that they need some sort of counselling!

It is called being a human child

It can affect any child, to any extent, or not, at random, as with any instinct

Mardyface · 16/02/2023 22:30

Nimbostratus100 · 16/02/2023 22:27

I dont understand why people dont realise this is normal

Children are afraid of monsters

For 99% of the time our species has existed on the planet, most children were vulnerable to predators

Their instincts to avoid being vulnerable and fear the monster is deeply ingrained.
It is biological..it is normal..it is automatic.. it is just reflexive. It is completely NOT because something bad has happened to them! or that they need some sort of counselling!

It is called being a human child

It can affect any child, to any extent, or not, at random, as with any instinct

Right. But sometimes it stops them enjoying a normal life and then you need to help them out of it.

Supersimkin2 · 16/02/2023 22:32

Trouble is, we’re not living in caves any more. This is fixable, so no drama.

I’d talk to a psych if I were you; the behaviour must be exhausting for others, and it’ll damage DD’s social development if it lasts much longer.

Nimbostratus100 · 16/02/2023 22:33

Mardyface · 16/02/2023 22:30

Right. But sometimes it stops them enjoying a normal life and then you need to help them out of it.

Show quote history

yes, sure, and its very irritating!

Reassurance is needed, often at inconvenient times

But there ae people on this thread making it out be something it is not