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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get a divorce just to get a break ?

88 replies

XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 19:12

Simply that

I know a lot of people probably feel the same way but I feel my DH has it way to easy?!

Yes he gets up and goes to work for 5 hours at 6am, gets home, does his dinner, goes the gym then goes to bed, has his tea, sees the kids for an hour then goes back up to bed for 7pm, I'd like to say he pays the bills but he pays gas and electric and his phone bill. I pay every other bill in the house plus insurances etc and I sort the kids. He sometimes gives money towards food and this year he's paying for our big holiday as I did last year....

But I get up at 6, feed all the kids, bath the kids, dress them, clean up and make the beds, sort the animals, do dinner, clean up again, sort the mess out, clean garden, and I mean when I clean up I do door frames, skirt boards, etc DAILY or he goes insane but I do all this whilst entertaining the kids, doin washing and going about daily life, or if it's school days I take them all to the 4 different schools thwir in and do pick ups, sort everything out in life even for him I'm just fed up
My DD struggles to get to sleep so she's up usually till gone 11pm, my DS cannot sleep so he goes to bed at 7, wakes when I get to bed about 11 an then he's up majority of the night plus I have night feeds ! He sleeps in spare room as he "works" !!!

Wouldn't it be easier to divorce, be single an get a fuckin break when it's his days to have the kids ?? Work would be heaven for me right now but certain reasons I can't. But Atleast Then I can go bed at 7, have a breather an he can do his fair share and I'd have more bastard money in my pocket!!!!!

Rant over hahaha xx

OP posts:
MavisMcMinty · 16/02/2023 20:48

Read your own words @XYZ32 - the answer is there for all to see. You’d be much happier without him. He needs you, but you don’t need him.

Intrepidescape · 16/02/2023 20:51

Nevermind31 · 16/02/2023 19:16

I mean - why would you clean the door frames daily? Let him go insane.
why do you put up with his ways?
does he add anything to your life?

This is what I was thinking.

I wipe the skirting boards if I notice they need to be done, my partner will notice more than me and dust the bannister and other things.

I can’t imagine my partner demand I clean things.

SuffolkUnicorn · 16/02/2023 20:51

Control freak LTB

rothbury · 16/02/2023 20:52

Stop cooking special meals, stop the excessive cleaning, and fuck knows what else this control freak imposes on you.

Spend your energy getting a divorce. You will feel lighter, happier and healthier. This is no life for you and it must impact the kids.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 16/02/2023 20:53

So just divorce him - it's simple

PinkyFlamingo · 16/02/2023 20:58

It's either an odd financial set up or you are being financially abused.

Pallisers · 16/02/2023 21:05

I do door frames, skirt boards, etc DAILY or he goes insane

Seriously! Let him go insane - as a short term solution. Laugh as he does it. Look at yourself - you are on your knees cleaning skirting boards because of these useless lump wants you too. Get back your pride and tell him to fuck himself off to the far side of fuck.

Long term why would you even be bothered with him?

napody · 16/02/2023 21:08

Your poor kids. The atmosphere must be unbearable. Be a decent mother and split up.

Cakecakecheese · 16/02/2023 21:12

People asked my friend how she was coping with the kids after she kicked her husband out, she said it was easier as she had one less person to look after as he did nothing around the house and he was so bad with money it was easier for her to budget without him.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 16/02/2023 21:12

Is he ill thats a lot of sleep he's having for someone who works part time

taxpayer1 · 16/02/2023 21:14

How is this household supported with only one adult working part-time?

MrsMikeDrop · 16/02/2023 21:15

What do you get out of this relationship exactly? Genuine question

Soakitup37 · 16/02/2023 21:16

Yeah doing it all 100% alone is fun.

parents who raise children together seem to forget the physical and mental support they bring. Even if the other partner is lazy.

it’s brutal alone. To joke is an insult to anyone who has to do it alone.

piedbeauty · 16/02/2023 21:19

YABVVVVU to stay a minute longer with this useless waste of space. 🤷🏼‍♀️

i have to clean the frames, skirt boards, etc DAILY or he goes insane

Well, let him go insane. You're working yourself into the ground AND supporting him while he lives like a single man. Just why???

Dump him. It would make your life much easier and nicer.

Circumferences · 16/02/2023 21:29

He's basically a back-seat driver, but for your life.

Back seat drivers are fucking infuriating enough because they know they can't drive, you know they can't drive, you're the one giving them a fucking lift, yet they constantly tell you everything you're doing wrong in the car and how to fucking drive.

I kicked an ex out of my car for that miles away from his house. Man it felt good.

You need to kick him out. I feel your frustration!!

Zola1 · 16/02/2023 21:46

Wow this is wild...why does he think he needs to spend half the day and night in bed if he only works 5 hours from 6am? Instead of going insane if you haven't cleaned the door frames, maybe he could do a food shop and look after the kids. He sounds totally useless and not nice at all

Weedoormatnomore · 16/02/2023 21:54

Have you checked that you could afford to. As presumably with DH working your getting extra in UC. Has he recently changed as guessing you have 4 or 5 kids you mentioned going to 4 different schools and doing night feeds !

XYZ32 · 16/02/2023 22:07

Weedoormatnomore · 16/02/2023 21:54

Have you checked that you could afford to. As presumably with DH working your getting extra in UC. Has he recently changed as guessing you have 4 or 5 kids you mentioned going to 4 different schools and doing night feeds !

The past year he's a totally different person towards me so yes it's recent, I often wonder is their someone else to make him like this?
we act like we don't know each other most of the time and we don't see each other or spend time together if we can help it so it doesn't effect the kids as we get on with things as our little family without him? Kids don't bat an eye lid to it been just us if I'm totally honest so yea no point us Continuing a marriage, I just need to ensure I'm financially stable to go with the kids as Iv put everything into our home an our lives in this home but it's all in his name... but I pay it !

Can't do anything to hasty

OP posts:
SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 16/02/2023 22:28

Mate, he is a most horrible twat. But don't be afraid to let him go mental over the cleaning, maybe his head will explode.

Washaload · 16/02/2023 23:03

How is your husband only paying gas and elec and a phone bill and you're paying all the other bills - if you don't work?

If you're paying pretty much all the bills, then surely this means you are the main breadwinner and do have source of income? In which case, I'm not really sure what's stopping you from leaving?!

He sounds revolting. Does he look like Brad Pitt or something?

Merryoldgoat · 16/02/2023 23:32

If you’re married then it’s your house too.

Fizzadora · 16/02/2023 23:39

How do you pay for all those things if you don't work?

ellie09 · 16/02/2023 23:53

Sorry but this is awful.

He works FIVE HOURS PER DAY?!

Get him off his lazy backside and get him to scrub the skirting boards. Seriously. Just leave them. If he insists they are done, he can do them.

He works 6am-11am. He can easily have a bit of downtime once home, do a few chores and help out with school pick ups etc.

He goes to bed at 7pm?! Surely 9pm would be more adequate? If waking up at 5am, this still allows the recommended 8 hours per night.

He's taking the piss and you know it. You're doing it ALL anyway, so what's the point really?

I wouldn't be putting up with that nonsense.

Willyoujustbequiet · 17/02/2023 00:06

SpinningFloppa · 16/02/2023 19:25

I’m a single parent I haven’t had a night off in 6 years we don’t all get breaks

Me neither.

Op you are being unreasonable to presume he would stay involved. Many men don't.

XYZ32 · 17/02/2023 07:57

Fizzadora · 16/02/2023 23:39

How do you pay for all those things if you don't work?

Great difficulty if I'm honest

OP posts:
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